


Storm and stars

by Laughingvirus



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternative Universe - Fantasy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eating Disorders, Fantasy, Fluff, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Past Abuse, merfolk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-06-08 13:53:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 77,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15244821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laughingvirus/pseuds/Laughingvirus
Summary: Let only the young come,Says the sea.Let them kiss my faceAnd hear me.I am the last word.





	1. Aureate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aureate. adj.  
> 1\. covered with gold; gilded  
> 2\. (Colours) of a golden colour

Jisung cursed under his breath as he looked around. He had gotten so caught up in looking at the pretty crystals adorning the cave walls that he didn’t notice the group he was with continuing. He remembered that their guide had told them to stick close and that there were a lot of different tunnels and caves in this whole system. Changbin and Chan had just left him staring at crystals like the dumbass he was without even bothering to notify him that they were moving on.   
  
“Some fucking friends,” he mumbled as he began to walk the direction the tour guide had taken them. This should be the right way. “Let’s go on a trip, Jisung. We need to get some rest and inspiration. The ocean will be great, new beginning and all that. Let’s take a tour through the crystal caves, it’s going to be great.” He reached a parting in the tunnel and after a few seconds he decided to take the left one. 

The further he walked into this particular cave, the more intense the crystals’ colors seemed to get. He stopped for a moment, frowning as he approached the side of the cave to inspect the closest crystal. It was blue and had a faint glow to it.    
  
“That’s… odd,” he mumbled to himself as he frowned. Now Jisung wasn’t an expert on crystals and caves, or anything nature related to be honest, but crystals usually didn’t glow, did they? He looked towards the cave ahead of him, took a deep breath and continued moving forward. 

As he continued, the glow of the crystals was steadily becoming more and more intense. Jisung had been a bit sceptic to the whole cave tour thing, he hadn’t seen the point of it or how it would help them open their minds and get some inspiration but this… this was making his brain just start spinning with lyrics. 

There was a pretty strong blue light from the crystals all around him and he could see the tunnel in front of him open up to a cavern, where the blue light seemed to bathe the whole room. He could hear water splashing in front of him and he slowed down a bit. If there was a cave pool or something else, and there were fish there, he didn’t want to scare it. But curiousness was chewing on his gut so he slowly crept forward.

Another splash was heard, louder this time, as if something broke the surface of a fairly big pond and Jisung watched as a golden light broke the blue glow.

“See,” a voice said and he stopped dead on his tracks. “I got a few new shells, look at this.” He didn’t recognize the voice at all. But… but this was good! Now he could ask for the directions to get out! He began to walk again and finally reached the opening.

“H-” before he even could finish the word, he stopped, mouth agape and eyes wide.

The cavern wasn’t as big as Jisung had expected, but it was about four meter to the roof and wide enough to fit a decently sized pool of water. There was some sort of shelves made in rocks where corals and seashells were neatly stacked up. In the pool, there were blue colored jellyfish swimming around, illuminating the whole room with their glow. But they weren’t alone, there was something else in the pool, casting a bright golden light over the cavern. 

“Oh,” the creature in the water said, voice unexpectedly deep. They were resting their arms on the side of the pool, a few pieces of glowing coral in front of it. They looked human, except for the ears which resemble fins, the golden scaled tail swaying lazily behind them and the glowing golden freckles illuminating their face. But what struck Jisung the most was their eyes. Their eyes were like molten gold, shining so brightly. “Uh… hi?”

“H-hi?” Jisung stuttered. He had just casually walked in on a merperson. An actual merperson. What the actual fuck. He had to rub his eyes and he took another look. Okay no, this was real. His heart was speeding up and he could feel his hands getting clammy. He should probably turn around and run, but his legs didn’t budge at all. Oh god what if this was a siren?! What if it was luring him in?!  “I-I’m just lost I’ll turn away and never tell anyone about this. I am so so sorry please don’t hunt me or murder me.”

The merperson frowned, tilting their head and something in the back of Jisung’s head just screeched “CUTE” at him. They seemed so… human? Jisung swallowed, licking his dry lips and reached up a hand slowly to place on his speeding heart, trying to calm it down a little. Maybe he wouldn’t die today.

“I’m… I’m not going to do anything to you?” they finally said. They heaved themselves up on the edge of the pool and Jisung’s eyes fell on the tail. The golden light intensified and Jisung swore his heart stopped for a while there. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” Jisung just took a moment, taking in their appearance. They had smooth, tanned skin and around their waist, where the skin slowly faded into scales, was a small little bag.

“Aren’t you… merpeople… very like… secretive?” Jisung asked and the other just shrugged.   
  
“Well we don’t flaunt with our existence but we don’t have to brutally murder anyone who sees us,” they said, offering Jisung a small smile. “Let’s start over here. Hi human, I’m Felix and yes I am a merboy.”

“Oh, uhm… Hi Felix,” Jisung said, slowly moving closer. “I’m… I’m Jisung.” He eyed Felix over again, trying to wrap his head about this whole situation. His eyes then fell on the water and all the jellyfish. He instinctively took a step back. They were so close to the edge of the pool, rubbing against Felix’s tail and Jisung was terrified of jellyfish.   
  
“You don’t have to be scared,” Felix said, reaching down to pick up one of the gooey things. It looked like a blob of glowy jelly as it laid in his palm. Jisung frowned but he looked a bit closer at the jelly. The glow was pulsating, he noted, as if it was a beating heart. “They’re super harmless,” Felix continued, letting the jelly go back to the water where it swam off, letting out a small high pitched noise.    
  
“That’s not what the guy on youtube says,” Jisung mumbled. 

“Youtube?” Felix asked, tilting his head again. Wow he was gorgeous and cute and Jisung was going to die here. “What’s that?”   
  
“It’s… uh… a website? On internet? You don’t have internet do you? Oh god of course you don’t you live under water god I’m stupid I’m so sorry.” Jisung wanted to smack himself. He was a rambling idiot wow. 

“...I’d like it if you showed me what youtube was?” Felix said, a grin slowly making its way up on his face and the golden glow of his freckles seemed to intensify. “Could you show me?” he asked, genuine curiosity in his eyes.

“I… I don’t have my phone with me… but I… I guess I could show you? I don’t have any wifi here or anything so… uh, it’ll have to be outside of this cave,” Jisung said and Felix nodded. “But I… I guess?”   
  
“You’re a nice human,” Felix said after a moment of silence. “My older brother told me horror stories of humans but the jellies say they’re nice. I think the jellies were right.”

“I’m… I’m sure there’s terrible humans,” Jisung said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m… I’m just a normal guy.” He looked around and suddenly remembered Changbin and Chan. Oh god he’d been gone forever now. “I’m a normal guy who’s lost. My friends probably think I’m deAD!” he said, slapping himself in the face and Felix laughed. His laughter was so bright it almost got Jisung distracted for a second there.   
  
“I… I obviously can’t help you myself,” Felix said, still laughing a little as he gestured to his fin. “But I… I can do something for you,” he continued, reaching into his little bag. He took out a small crystal, maybe the size of Jisung’s pinky nail. He wrapped his both hands around it, brought his hands up to his mouth and whispered something into them. When he opened his hands, a small spectral jellyfish floated in the air. “There we go!”

“What is that?” Jisung asked, eyeing the jelly.    
  
“It’s a guide! It’ll take you to the closest exit!” Felix said, grinning.   
  
A weight was lifted from Jisung’s shoulders and he almost threw himself on Felix to hug him. Almost.    
  
“Thank you!” he said, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t know how I can repay you Felix.”

 

“You can start by coming by the docks close to the old boat house tomorrow at noon,” Felix said, smiling so widely. He then jumped back into the water. “You better follow that guide now Jisung, or you’ll lose it like you lost your tour group,” he said, sly grin on his lips as he slowly sank deeper into the water. Jisung nodded, quickly moving to catch up to the little guide. The last thing he saw as he left the cavern was a pair of golden eyes staring intently at him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_They love the sea,_

_and know they will die._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The following day, Jisung had woken up thinking it was all just a dream. During breakfast, both Chan and Changbin questioned him about the cave but he just shrugged, telling them he got lost and eventually he found his way out. He had gotten an earful the last night when he finally got back, about how he should pay attention and not trail behind. He hadn’t even bothered arguing back about how they should at least have called his name. All he could think about was the bioluminescent merboy he’d met in the cave.

“You okay Jisung?” Chan asked during lunch and Jisung just nodded absentmindedly. “You seem a bit… distant?”

“No I’m fine,” Jisung said, taking another bite of his food. “I’ve just… I got a lot of inspiration in the cave so I… I’ve been trying to work out some lyrics,” he said. It wasn’t a flat out lie, just a bit tweaking the truth. He had been inspired, but he also kept seeing those glowing golden eyes and wondering if he should head to the docks at noon. 

“Oh,” Chan said, grin stretching his lips. “That’s good then!”

Jisung nodded, about to take another bite of his food when he realized that Changbin was missing.    
  
“Hey… where’s Changbin?”

Chan looked up from his food, an eyebrow raised. “Didn’t you hear Changbin gush about the cute guy he met at the smoothie shop? He couldn’t shut up during dinner? He also mentioned like fifteen times that they were going to meet up today.”   
  
“Oh.”   
  
“Your brain must be muddled,” Chan deadpanned and Jisung just frowned at him. “Seriously, what’s on your mind?”   
  
Jisung pondered if he should just come clean to Chan. Chan was like an older brother to Jisung, a caring and positive influence in his life, no way he would deem Jisung crazy if he told him about Felix. But would Felix and the rest of the merpeople be safe if he told Chan? Chan wouldn’t go around telling everyone, so they would probably be safe. 

“Do you think merpeople are real?” he finally asked and Chan froze for a second. 

“What?”

“Yeah? Do you think merfolks are real?” Jisung asked again and Chan sat silent for a moment.    
  
“I don’t know,” he finally said. “I mean probably? But I’ve never seen one.” He shrugged. “Why do you ask?”

“I…” Jisung swallowed. “No I’ve just been wondering about it since yesterday. I saw some cool jellyfish in the cave yesterday and I’ve been thinking… what if there’s merpeople? You know?”

Chan didn’t seem convinced but he just nodded and went back to his food. Jisung bit his lip, feeling a bit bad for not telling the truth but he wanted to make sure Felix was indeed real before he told him about the merboy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I'm doing good,_

_I'll keep pushing forward._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It had taken Jisung a while to find the abandoned boat houses but after asking a few locals, he managed to find them. The docks by the boat houses were sort of worn down, looking like they could fall apart at any moment now. Same with the boat houses. They were in a fairly secluded area, no other houses or roads close by, so Jisung understood why Felix wanted to meet here.    
  
He looked around, but saw no one. He frowned behind his sunglasses, looking around again to find a good place to sit down.

Eventually he found a smooth and flat rock that faced the ocean. He kicked off his sneakers before sitting down on the rock. He pulled up his earphones, placing them over his ears and began to listen to the bunch of tracks Chan had sent him after lunch.

Apparently Chan had gotten tons of ideas for beats during the first day here and now Jisung needed to give him some lyrics. 

Caught up in his writing, his spinning thoughts about golden eyes, glowing freckles and the deep voice, Jisung didn’t notice his surroundings.

A wet finger suddenly poked his cheek and Jisung jumped in surprise, almost dropping his notebook in the water. He turned to stare wide eyed at Felix beside him, removing his headphones. He looked different in the sun, not lighting up his surrounding by himself. Instead, the sun was reflecting on his golden scales, and in this light, Jisung noticed the small patches of scales he had on his shoulders and arms as well. 

“What are you doing?” Felix asked, snapping Jisung out of his thoughts. He glanced at the notebook, then up at Jisung and then on the headphones in Jisung’s hands. “What are those?”

“I was… writing lyrics for some songs me and my friends are making,” he replied and Felix nodded, eyes wide with wonder. “And there are…” Jisung glanced down at his headphones. “Headphones. You can listen to music.”

Felix gasped, his eyes seeming to sparkle with joy. “Music? Really?” he asked and Jisung nodded. “Can I… can you show me?”    
  
“Sure,” Jisung said, shrugging. He nervously licked his lips before carefully placing the headphones over Felix’s ears. He pulled up his phone, his fingers trembling slightly as he scrolled through his list of music. Felix was leaning against him, his arm pressing against Jisung’s and that was making Jisung even more nervous. “What do you… what do you want to listen to?” he asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.   
  
“You said you and your friend make music?” Felix asked and Jisung nodded mutely. “Can I listen to it?” he asked and Jisung swallowed hard, but he nodded anyway and quickly scrolled to find one of their songs. 

Felix jumped in surprise as the sound turned on and Jisung watched him intently. God he was so cute. He looked so amazed by the fact that Jisung’s headphones played music. Jisung looked away, his ears heating up. It felt a bit stupid showing Felix his own music. 

“That was…” Felix said, slowly removing the headphones. “That was amazing! You’re great!” Never, in a million years, Jisung would have thought the rap music he and Changbin and Chan made would be the taste of a merboy, but apparently he was wrong. “You have so many cool stuff, you humans!”   
  
“I’m sure you merfolks have some great things as well,” he said and Felix just shrugged. “Like that guide you made yesterday?”   
  
“Oh that,” Felix snorted. “That’s just some basic magic, I don’t really have a great deal of magic so I can’t really do anything.”   
  
“Welll,” Jisung began, rubbing the back of his neck. “We humans kinda don’t have any magic at all.” As soon as he said that, Felix’s eyes widened and he stared at Jisung for a good minute without saying a word.    
  
“You don’t?!” he asked, shocked and Jisung just shook his head. “How do you survive?!”   
  
“Dunno,” he said, shrugging. “We just do?” Felix was still staring at him. “Anyway, you wanted me to show you youtube right?” he asked and Felix nodded, eyes brightening. It was so weird to Jisung, but fascinating at the same time. He could see actual light flickering in Felix’s eyes, and not just the reflection of the sun.

For about an hour, Jisung sat on the dock with Felix, watching various videos on youtube with him and showing him how the app works and told him all about internet. As the sun continued to shine down on them, Jisung noticed Felix gradually become quieter.   
  
“Are you okay?” he asked and Felix glanced up from the phone.   
  
“Yeah I’m… uh…” he looked up at the sun. “I’m not really… I like the sun, but not too much.”   
  
“Oh?”

“There’s… different types of merfolks,” Felix said slowly and Jisung nodded. “I’m a deep sea merboy… I’m supposed to be… down down dooooooown there,” he said, gesturing towards the water. “That’s why I’m… bioluminescent. I’m supposed to be down in the dark caves without light so I have to… create my own. The sun makes me a bit… uncomfortable.”

“Do you want to… I mean we can continue tomorrow or something,” Jisung said but Felix shook his head.    
  
“No I’m fine I want to continue,” Felix whined, pouting and Jisung’s heart squeezed. He nodded, opening another video on youtube.    
  
“Hey, hold this,” he said, handing Felix the phone. He grinned as Felix held onto it like a small toddler, amazed by the device. Jisung took his discarded hoodie and handed it to Felix. “Take this, it might help.” Felix stared wide eyed at Jisung as he took the bundle of fabric, handing the phone back. “Put your head through this hole and your arms here,” he instructed and Felix did as told, slipping the black hoodie over his head.

Jisung stared at Felix as he tried to wrap his head around the situation. He was sitting on a rock with a merboy. Said merboy had the prettiest eyes, the softest face and the most gorgeous smile in the whole world. Said merboy had the tip of their tail just barely submerged in water, swaying with the gentle waves. Said merboy was also wearing a hoodie with the logo of Jisung’s rap trio and enjoyed listening to rap music. This was bizarre beyond words. 

“Better?” he asked and Felix nodded, grin stretching his lips and Jisung’s heart did a little backflip.

They continued for god knows how long and it wasn’t until the sun was beginning to set that Jisung realized how long he’d been gone. He had only told Chan he’d go on a walk. It was a miracle Chan hadn’t blown up his phone yet. 

“I… I think I need to get going,” Jisung said and Felix looked up from the game he was playing on Jisung’s phone. Jisung had shown him how to play candy crush and Felix had absolutely loved it.    
  
In this dimmer light, Jisung could see Felix’s own light beginning to light up their surroundings and his breath hitched. He could write a whole song just about Felix’s eyes. Wow. 

“Uh I…” he coughed. “My friends are probably back in our cottage and I… I only told them I was going for a walk…”

“Oh,” Felix said, looking a bit deflated and Jisung could see Felix’s own light dim a little. He felt bad. 

“But I… we can meet up again tomorrow? If y-you want?” he asked and the glow returned again along with Felix’s wide smile.   
  
“I’d like that a lot!” he said, locking Jisung’s phone and handing it back. 

“Maybe we can meet up in your cave?” Jisung asked before Felix could say anything. “I mean, if that’s okay with you. You know, without sun and all that. Candy crush is still available without any wifi.”   
  
“It is?” Felix asked, the light getting stronger and stronger. Jisung bit back a smile. “But uhm yeah… That’d be great…” he lowered his head, glancing shyly at Jisung. “It’s very… very nice of you to think about me.”   
  
“Of course,” Jisung said, patting Felix on the shoulder. “But uh, I’m not going to promise that I’m going to find my way there because I am… prone to getting lost…”   
  
“I… I can send a guide for you?” Felix suggested and Jisung nodded. “Same time by the opening of the cave?”   
  
“Sound… sounds great!”    
  
Felix grinned widely and then looked down on the hoodie he was wearing before pulling it over his head, giving it back to Jisung.   
  
“Thank you so much for letting me borrow it,” he said and slowly began to slide down the rock, into the water again. “I’ll see you tomorrow Jisung! Thank you so much for showing me everything!” he said and Jisung stood up as he watched Felix diving into the water, the light slowly fading away.

There he stood. Alone on the beach, staring out into the dark blue ocean, his heart hammering in his chest.

“Calm down,” he whispered to his heart, patting his chest gently.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I'm trying to find a meaning,_

_in this emptiness._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Oh god,” Chan said when Jisung finally got back. Jisung stood in the doorway while Chan stood in the opening to the kitchen, looking straight at Jisung. He sort of looked like a parent who had stayed up to wait for their very late kid. “I thought you’d died or something.”   
  
“Why didn’t you message me?” Jisung asked, frowning at Chan. Chan just frowned back at him. “What?”   
  
“I did? I texted you like fifteen times and called you three times? You just hung up?”   
  
“What?” Jisung said, fishing out his phone to check it. True to Chan’s words, there were a bunch of messages and a few rejected calls. He checked his notifications and realized that the notifications were turned off.   
  
Felix.

How the merboy had managed to figure out how to turn them off was beyond Jisung but it was pretty impressive. 

“Well,” Jisung said, trying to save the situation. Changbin, who was sitting on the couch in between the two of them looked up. He hadn’t said anything, he was just silently judging Jisung with a blank face. “I’m here now?” he said, offering the others a smile.

“Nice save,” Changbin snorted and Jisung immediately dropped his smile to glare at him. “What did you do?”

“I… got lost,” Jisung finally said, dropping his shoulders. Might as well play this card. “But I also found a nice spot to write some lyrics so I got some of it done?”

The mention of lyrics sparked a look of excitement on Chan’s face and his previous serious demeanor was quickly replaced.

“Can I take a look at them?” he asked and Jisung shrugged, walking up to him with his notebook. “Did you sit close to the water?” Chan asked, running his fingers over the paper. It had been a bit wet, from when Felix had just gotten out of the water and it had accidentally gotten on his book.   
  
“I saw a lot of couples… so it’s going to be a bit… lovey dovey,” he said and Chan made a face but quickly just laughed.   
  
“Listen,” he said, “you should see Changbin’s lyrics at the moment. He’s falling for this Hyunjin and his pretty face and his nice laugh and the cute mole under his eye.”   
  
With that, Changbin shot up from the couch. “You promised you wouldn’t tell him!” he said accusingly, pointing a finger at Chan who just laughed. Jisung couldn’t hold back but laughed as well, he’d accept whatever consequences that came with it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_It's been hard,_

_hasn't it?_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m going out to take a walk and… yeah probably find some nice spot to write,” Jisung said to Changbin who was sitting on the front porch, cap pulled down over his eyes. “I’ll be gone for a few hours.”   
  
“Don’t die,” Changbin said and Jisung just rolled his eyes. What a friend. “No seriously, don’t die. Be careful and I hope you find your inspiration!” he said, smiling at Jisung who just nodded before quickly scurrying off towards the cave. 

When he reached the mouth of the cave, he could see the small, spectral jellyfish waiting for him and his heart was slowly picking up speed. Maybe Felix was already waiting for him.

He followed the tiny guide through the tunnels until he reached the familiar looking cavern. He could see the blue and golden glow illuminating the walls and he walked a bit faster. 

“Hi Jisung!” Felix said as Jisung entered the cavern, holding back a yawn. He looked a bit tousled, as if he’d just woken up.    
  
“Hi,” Jisung said, slowly approaching the pool. He kept an eye at the small jellyfish, trying to see if there were any big ones down there.   
  
“You don’t have to worry,” Felix said, heaving himself up on the edge of the pool and patted the space beside him. Jisung hadn’t noticed them before, but he did now as he sat down beside Felix. On both sides of his torso, about the height of his ribs, there were two small slits on each side. “The jellies are just cute blobs,” Felix continued and Jisung snapped his head up to look at Felix’s face, ears turning a bit red. 

“Can I ask you something?” Jisung asked and Felix just nodded, eyes wide. “What are… those?” he continued, gesturing to the slits on Felix’s skin. 

“Oh these?” Felix said, lifting his arms to show the slits and as he did, they opened up and Jisung instinctively leaned away. “These are just gills,” he said, laughter ringing and Jisung opened his mouth in an ‘o’. “I… I assume you humans don’t have any?”   
  
“No,” Jisung shook his head. “None.”   
  
Felix nodded slowly, looking down on his hands, then back up at Jisung. “What was the… the thing you lent me yesterday called? The big… the big thing?”   
  
“Oh the hoodie?” Jisung asked and Felix just tilted his head. “Yeah I lent you my hoodie yesterday. It’s usually to keep warm, but I guess it can protect deep sea merfolks from the uncomfortable sun as well,” he said and Felix laughed, eyes crinkling. 

“It was very helpful though. Thank you Jisung. I appreciate it,” he said, holding back a yawn and he rubbed his eyes. “Sorry, I just woke up.”   
  
“Oh?” 

Felix shrugged, small smile on his lips. “You know, night creature and all.”

“I see,” Jisung said, nodding his head. “But hey I… I downloaded some new songs for you to listen to. You wanna listen?” he asked and Felix nodded eagerly.

Jisung let Felix listen through all the music he had, just handing the merboy his phone. Felix was obviously very clever and could handle a smartphone by himself. Jisung on the other hand just continued to write lyrics, using the glow from Felix as his light source.   
  
“Do you sing, or do you just rap?” Felix asked, suddenly leaning over Jisung’s shoulder and Jisung jumped in surprise, snapping his notebook shut as a reflex. “Oh, sorry I didn’t mean to startle you,” he apologized but he didn’t move away from Jisung.

“I-I… well I do sing sometimes,” Jisung stuttered, painfully aware of how close Felix was and how hard his heart was beating. “B-but I mostly rap, yes.”

“I’d like to hear you sing sometime,” Felix said, glancing up at Jisung through his eyelashes and Jisung almost had a heart attack there and then. God he was cute. 

 

“You mentioned magic yesterday,” Jisung said, changing the subject. “Can you tell me more about it?”

“I don’t know,” Felix shrugged. “I don’t- I’m not very skilled in magic so I can’t tell you a lot about it. I can make small things, spectral images, small sounds, move light stuff. I’m nowhere near the level of my older brother. I’ve talked about him, right?”   
  
“Oh yeah, briefly,” Jisung said, nodding his head. “You said he told you horror stories about humans,” he continued and Felix nodded. “You only said brother though so I… I’m just assuming you meant your older brother? Do you have a younger brother?”   
  
“Yes, I have two! Minho is my older brother and Jeongin is my younger brother,” he said, grinning. “Jeongin is… fairly skilled with magic, but Minho’s great. He can get water to do what he wants and he can even transform his tail into legs.”   
  
“He what?”   
  
“Yeah, he can get legs?” Felix said, tilting his head. “There’s a lot of us who can. It’s like… a bigger magic thing, yes, but most of us learn it to… you know, just survive? It might help us if we’re stranded, caught or just needs something from land.”   
  
“I see…” Jisung mumbled, rubbing his chin. “Can you do that?”   
  
Felix immediately looked away, wiggling uncomfortable. “No… not really, I’m not… I’m not very skilled with magic… as I said,” he said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. Jisung just nodded and didn’t press the matter further. 

“Uhm… Can I ask you something?” Felix asked, breaking the silence, and Jisung just nodded. “What is…” he carefully reached out to poke the tattoo on Jisung’s forearm, “this?”   
  
“It’s… it’s just a tattoo, like… body art.”

“Is it permanent?”   
  
“Yeah,” Jisung just shrugged and Felix’s eyes widened.   
  
“That’s so cool,” he said, gently taking Jisung’s right arm with both his hands and inspected the wing that stretched from Jisung’s elbow up to his wrist. “You have another one!” he exclaimed when he reached Jisung’s hand, leaning closer to look at his fingers. “What does J O N E stand for?”   
  
“J.One is… it’s the name I use when making music,” Jisung said, chewing on his bottom lip. 

 

“Do you have more?” Felix asked, the golden glow in his eyes slowly getting brighter and brighter. He looked curious, eyes wide and head tilted. Jisung nodded mutely, eyes trained on Felix, and he pulled up the sleeve on his shirt, revealing the flower arrangement tattooed on his shoulder and the 3racha on the inside of his arm. 

“I’m working on a sleeve,” he said, finally tearing his eyes off Felix to look down at his arm. “I just need to figure out what to have here,” he continued, poking the bare skin on his arm.    
  
“What’s a sleeve?” Felix asked, looking up from the flowers. “Also I think you should have a jellyfish tattoo.”   
  
“A sleeve is… well, basically the whole arm tattooed, like a shirt sleeve,” he explained and Felix let out a soft ‘oh’, his lips shaped like an ‘o’. “I’ll talk to my artist when I get back to the city, maybe we can do some ocean related thing,” he said, laughing half awkwardly. It wasn’t a bad idea to take something inspired by this trip actually, he would have to remember to write it down. 

“Are all humans like you?” Felix asked and Jisung snapped out of his bubble, looking back at Felix.   
  
“Like what?”   
  
“Like… have all humans lots of tattoos and…” he trailed off, carefully reaching out to poke Jisung’s ear, just where his helix piercing was. “This? What even is this?”   
  
“Oh, uh, piercings,” Jisung said and Felix nodded. “And no. There are people who have more tattoos and more piercings than me, but most people… don’t.”   
  
“It looks nice,” Felix commented and Jisung felt his ears heat up a little. It felt so weird receiving so many compliments. “I like this one,” he said, lifting his finger to point at his septum piercing. 

“Not a lot of people… like that one,” Jisung said slowly and Felix tilted his head.    
  
“Why?”

“Dunno,” he just shrugged. “My parents said I looked ratty and no one would hire someone with piercings.”   
  
“Why would they say that?” Felix asked and Jisung just pressed his lips together, knot in his stomach. He squirmed a bit where he sat. “Do you live with your parents?”   
  
“Not anymore,” he said and Felix nodded. “I’ve been living with Chan and Changbin for a few years now.”

 

“Do they have tattoos and piercings too?” Felix asked, eyes sparkling again. Jisung smiled widely, thankful for the change in subject and he nodded.   
  
“They do,” he said. “Chan has this really cool dragon on his forearm,” he said, pointing at where his wing was. “It’s like curled around the arm and it looks really good,” he continued and Felix nodded, eyes wide. “I was thinking of a dragon at first, but then I decided to wait with the dragon one. Maybe I’ll get one on my back.”   
  
“That sounds really cool.”   
  
“He also has music notes here, behind his ear,” Jisung continued, poking himself behind the ear. “They’re barely visible because his hair is so curly. He also has CB97 on the back of his elbow,” he said, pointing it out for Felix. “That’s the name he uses when we’re making music, Changbin uses the name SpearB.”   
  
“Why do you use different names?” Felix asked, eyes twinkling in curiosity. “Why not just your own name?”   
  
“Well,” Jisung shrugged. “We rap and I guess it just sounds cooler to say J.One than Jisung.”   
  
“Oh,” Felix said, lips pursed. “Does Changbin have any tattoos?”   
  
“Yes he has,” Jisung said and Felix eyes were just sparkling. “He has a compass on his neck, which is really cool, and then he has SpearB on his collarbone,” he continued, poking his left collarbone. “He also has one here,” he pointed at his left bicep, “of a munchlax and it’s really cute.”   
  
“What´s a munchlax?” Felix asked, frowning. Jisung quickly reached for his phone and opened a picture of Changbin’s tattoo, showing it to Felix. “Oh! That’s a really cute tattoo! Don’t you have any cute tattoos?”

Jisung snorted.   
  
“What’s this?” Felix turned Jisung’s arm a little, looking at the scribbles on the inside of his bicep. “3racha? What’s that?”   
  
“It’s our group name,” Jisung said, fond smile on his lips. “Remember the hoodie you borrowed yesterday?” Felix nodded. “The print on the front was 3racha too. Changbin made that tattoo for me. Both Changbin and Chan has one of these too, I made Chan’s and Chan made Changbin’s.”   
  
“That’s cool,” Felix said and Jisung just laughed. “Do they have any piercings?”

“Uh, yeah,” Jisung said nodding. “Chan has uh, snake bites… it’s… uhm, two piercings here,” he said, pointing to his lower lip. “A few piercings in his ears and then he has an eyebrow piercing.” Felix was just listening to Jisung, eyes wide in wonder. “Changbin has a lip ring,” he continued, poking the middle of his lower lip. “And a few piercings in his ears, but… uh nothing more.”   
  
“I want to get a piercing,” Felix said and Jisung raised an eyebrow. “It looks cool!”

“They look pretty cool,” Jisung agreed. “Where would you want one?”   
  
“In my ear!” Felix said, lifting a hand to grip his left ear lobe. “Here!”   
  
“It would look good,” Jisung said and Felix beamed, freckles twinkling. “Maybe one day you can have a piercing!”   
  
“Yeah!” Felix said and Jisung’s heart stuttered a bit. “Maybe… maybe I can even get a tattoo!” he said, beaming so brightly and Jisung nodded. He didn’t bring up the getting leg things again, because that would probably dampen the mood. He just smiled and decided that if possible, he would help Felix get that piercing. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_To see further,_

_I get ready for a new start._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jisung's heart was drumming in his chest as he entered Felix's cave. Bring your bathing suit, Felix had told him yesterday and Jisung had done as told. When he entered, he was met with a beaming Felix.

"You're early!" he exclaimed. Jisung nodded, glancing at the shells in Felix's hand and the blue, glowing jellies that floated around Felix's tail. "You're ready to swim?" he asked and Jisung nodded again, biting his lip.

"I'm not... I'm not very good at swimming," he admitted slowly, nervously tugging at the hem of his shirt. "And I... I'm a bit scared of the jellyfish..."

"I'm here," Felix assured him and Jisung nodded again, pulling off his shirt and kicking off his shoes. With his swimming goggles in his hands, he sat down on the edge of the pool, letting his feet just sink into the water. Felix moved a bit closer, placing a hand on Jisung's knee, glancing up at him with soft, glowing eyes. "You don't have to be scared of them." He reached out to gently grab one of the jellies, ushering it towards Jisung.

Jisung let out a little squeak when the jelly brushed against his leg. It didn't sting and he took a shaky breath, trying to relax a bit. 

“You don’t have to worry,” Felix said, removing his hand as Jisung slowly lowered himself in the water. He hadn’t gone swimming in ages and he held onto the side of the pool tightly as he couldn’t reach the bottom. He reached to get his goggles, placing them on his head. “I’ll be helping you,” he said, reaching out to gently lace his fingers with Jisung’s. Jisung flushed, his face hot. This was the first time Felix had held his hand. Then he realized something, pulling their hands out of the water to inspect Felix’s.   
  
“You…” he trailed off, frowning as he inspected Felix hand. It was barely there and not very noticable. But there, between Felix’s fingers, there was a slight webbing. “Your hands are webbed!” he said, amazed and Felix just stared at him. “I mean, I didn’t know that before because I couldn’t see it.” He looked at Felix hand again. “And wow your hand is so small and cute wow.”

“You’re rambling,” Felix said and Jisung looked away, his ears getting hot. “It’s cute.”   
  
An awkward silence fell over them and it lasted until one of the jellies swam up to Jisung and began to rub against him. Jisung let out another squeak and Felix laughed, letting go of Jisung’s hand.   
  
“Before we go,” Felix began and Jisung looked up away from the jelly and back at Felix with wide eyes. “What are those?” he asked, gesturing to Jisung’s goggles.   
  
“Oh,” Jisung said, reaching up a hand to his head, the other hand still holding on to the edge of the pool. “These are… swimming goggles. It so… so I can see under the water… I mean I’m not like you, I have to have these to be able to see properly.”   
  
“You humans are weird,” Felix said, grin on his face. “But you’re innovative.”   
  
“Thanks?” Jisung said, tilting his head a little. He then looked to the side at the jelly who was still rubbing against his arm, reaching out a finger to poke it. The blue glow flared a little and the jelly let out a tiny little squeak.    
  
“We should go,” Felix said, poking the jelly as well. “I have something to show you,” he continued. Jisung nodded, reaching up to pull down his goggles over his eyes. As he did, Felix laughed, sound bright and cheery and it just pulled on Jisung’s heartstrings. “You look… cute,” he said, taking Jisung’s hand and Jisung just slowly sank down into the water, trying to avoid the embarrassment.

 

Felix came down half a second later, still holding onto Jisung’s hand. Jisung had only seen Felix with wet or half dried hair and underwater, like this, Felix hair surrounded his head like a halo and Jisung almost lost his breath. But he had to be mindful of that, or else he’d drown down here.    
  
“I know you can’t talk underwater, but I can,” Felix said and Jisung nodded. “There’s a few air pockets along this tunnel,” he continued, motioning towards a tunnel leading out of the cavern. “So let’s just go up for air and then into the tunnel, I promise it’s going to be fine.” Jisung nodded, an anxious feeling gnawing in his gut. He was a bit nervous swimming through an underwater tunnel, but could you blame him?   
  
Felix, still holding onto his hand, pulled him up to the surface and let him take one huge breath of air before quickly pulling him under again, grabbing his other arm. With a few powerful strokes of his tail, Felix swam with Jisung through the tunnel. As Jisung didn’t have to focus on swimming, he could take in the interior of the tunnel. It was dark, illuminated by a few of those blue, glowing crystals and all around the tunnel, the glowing jellies were swimming. 

“We’re going to go a bit further,” Felix said as he took Jisung up to another air pocket. Jisung just nodded, taking a deep breath before letting Felix pull him underwater again. 

As they continued to travel under the surface, Jisung noted that while Felix’s strokes were powerful, he wasn’t moving at a very fast pace.

“How much further?” Jisung asked as they reached another point for him to breathe and Felix just grinned, eyes crinkling up and his freckles glowing so brightly. Jisung noted that this was more like a cavern than an actual air pocket. It had a high ceiling and it had some rocky shelves as well, resembling the ones in Felix’s cavern, but without all the shells and corals.    
  
“We’re here,” he said and Jisung widened his eyes. Felix let go of Jisung’s arms, allowing him to submerge in the water on his own pace. He slowly sank underwater and he looked down.    
  
For the second time today, Jisung almost lost his breath. 

This time he actually had to come up to the surface to sputter out some water and get another lungful of air.    
  
The sight below him was truly stunning. 

The floor of the cave dipped down deeper in this specific cavern. It was about the size of Felix’s cave, but all underwater and barely anything except a high ceiling above. The cave floor itself was covered with a huge coral. The coral was multi colored and it seemed like it was glowing as well. Around this huge piece of coral were marine life, jellies and fish, just lazily swimming around, not seeming to mind Jisung’s presence. 

“Isn’t it pretty?” Felix asked, swimming down among the glowing corals and marine life. Jisung just watched as jellyfish and the other fish slowly moved towards Felix. The jellies were letting out small hums and squeaks as they approached and Jisung watched a wide smile spreading on Felix’s face. 

Jisung went up, got another lungful of air and dove down under water again. This time he sank down lower, down to Felix level and he just slowly reached out his hand to touch one of the fish swimming around him. It didn’t even react to Jisung touching it, it just continued towards Felix. It seemed like all the fish in the water just were drawn to Felix and the light he was emitting. 

A blob suddenly rubbed itself against Jisung’s arm and Jisung flinched in surprise. It was a really small one, barely the size of a golf ball and Jisung held out his finger to give it a little poke before he had to go up above water again.   
  
“Do you like it?” Felix asked as he came up above the water too. The glow from his eyes and freckles were reflecting in the water and along with the subtle glow from the coral below, they provided enough light for Jisung to see good enough in this cavern.    
  
“It’s amazing,” Jisung breathed, looking down as something brushed up against his ribs and he shuddered. It was the tiny little jelly from earlier, just rubbing up against Jisung. A small smile made its way on his face and he petted it again.   
  
“They like you,” Felix said and Jisung looked up. “They don’t even let some other merfolks touch them.”   
  
“Really?” 

“Yeah,” Felix said, nodding as he reached up to pick up another jelly. Jisung had been a bit preoccupied and hadn’t noticed the way the jellies were all keeping close to Felix, rubbing up against him or just swimming around him. “I’ve been with most of them for their whole life. They don’t live for a very long time, but I take care of them so I know them pretty well.”   
  
Well that surely explained why they swarmed around Felix. “They behave like you’re their father,” Jisung said and Felix laughed, sound so bright and clear Jisung’s heart stuttered. The little jelly close to him pushed against him. 

“That’s not far from it.” Felix was smiling widely, tickling the jellies around him. Jisung found himself just lost at the sight of Felix smiling and laughing, picking up the occasional jelly to gently blow at it.

He was certainly falling hard.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Tell me,_

_are those freckles,_

_or kisses from an angel._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As Jisung was making his way down the tunnel, he could hear Felix low voice and he slowed down. Was Felix with someone else? He furrowed his brows as he moved closer.   
  
“He’s really nice,” he heard Felix say and he was waiting for a reply, but no one answered Felix. “His name is Jisung and… and you know how I bring you all these pretty shells? Yeah, he brings me these really nice things from the human world.” Jisung’s heart squeezed. He shouldn’t eavesdrop but his legs wouldn’t move. “I can’t keep them though like you can keep the shells here,” Felix continued. “No I can’t keep them because things like the phone will break under water.”

Jisung put a hand over his mouth not to laugh out loud.    
  
“Of course I’d like to see more,” Felix said and Jisung could hear some splashing from the cavern. “I can’t, you all know I can’t. No I’m not scared I’m just…”   
  
“Felix?” Jisung called out, deciding not to eavesdrop anymore and instead pretend that he was approaching and not eavesdropping. “You here yet?” he asked as he peeked inside the cavern. Felix was out of the water, sitting on the edge of the pool with his tail swaying lazily while about a dozen jellies were swarming around him. 

“Hi Jisung,” Felix said, beaming as Jisung approached, kicked his shoes off and sat down beside him. He carefully submerged his feet in the water, mindful of the jellies floating around. “They were asking about you.”   
  
“They can talk?” Jisung asked, eyes wide.    
  
“Well,” Felix began, fond smile as he looked down at the blobs floating around. “Sort of. Maybe not words really but I understand them pretty well.”   
  
“Can all merfolk talk to fish?” 

“It’s not like… an inherited thing, but if we interact and spend enough time with them we can understand them,” Felix explained and Jisung nodded, glancing down at the jellies. He wasn’t sure if he dared to ask, maybe it was a personal question. “I told you I basically raised most of these jellies, right?”   
  
Jisung nodded.   
  
“I’ve been…” Felix sighed heavily, a sad look clouding his eyes. “I’m the only deep sea merboy in the colony and… and I just don’t really fit in with them. I can’t really sunbathe with them, I don’t have the same sleep cycle and… yeah I don’t really fit in. So I… I go to this cave because it feels a bit more comfortable than the open reef.”   
  
Jisung hummed, nodding again and he slowly reached out his hand to hold Felix’s hand. Felix looked up from the water and straight at Jisung. Jisung gave him a small smile and Felix gave his hand a small squeeze.

“The jellies are… they’re the only friends I had, except my brothers.”   
  
“Had?”

  
“Yeah,” Felix said, a smile suddenly stretching on his lips and the glow of his freckles intensifying. “I have you too now.” Then he widened his eyes and lowered his head a little. “We… we are friends, right?” he asked, chewing on his lower lip and looking at Jisung through his eyelashes.

“Y-yeah,” Jisung stuttered, just staring at Felix. “We’re friends!”

The glow picked up again and Felix smiled brighter than the sun itself. He squeezed Jisung’s hand tightly and leaned down on Jisung’s shoulder.   
  
“I’m really really happy you got lost and found my cave,” Felix said, glancing up at Jisung.    
  
Jisung nodded, squeezing Felix’s hand back. “I’m really happy I got lost too.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I was lost in the dark,_

_then you appeared,_

_like a beacon to guide me._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The sun was setting and Jisung was sitting beside Felix on the beach by the abandoned boat houses. They had begun watching sunset and sometimes staying out until sunrise together and the part of the beach by the abandoned boat houses were a perfect place. They could sit out in the open air without people interrupting them. 

“Do you have siblings, Jisung?” Felix asked, looking over as Jisung. The merboy had his tail pulled up to his chest, resting his elbows on where, if he was a human, his knees would be and he leaned his head on his arms.    
  
“No,” Jisung replied, looking away from the setting sun back at Felix. “I’m a only child… it’s pretty lonely actually.”   
  
Felix nodded slowly, letting out a small hum. He glanced at the sunset and then back at Jisung. “Jeongin would like to meet you sometime,” Felix said and Jisung widened his eyes.

“Oh… oh really?” 

Felix nodded, leaning back a little. “He’s really interested in the phone games.”   
  
“Did you tell him about them?” Jisung asked and Felix nodded again. “Well then it’s understandable that he’s excited,” Jisung said, grin on his lips and Felix laughed. “But… Minho… have you told him about… about me?”   
  
The smile from Felix face fell and he bit his lip. “Uhm…” he began, eyes shifting around a little. “Well a bit… I mean I’ve told him about meeting you and the phone but he wasn’t interesting in hearing more about you. He’s a bit… uh… I don’t know,” he said and Jisung nodded. 

“It’s fine,” he said and Felix sighed. “Maybe I can meet your brothers one day.”   
  
“Yeah,” Felix said, nodding his head as the smile slowly returned to his face. “I’ll ask them and… and maybe they want to meet you.”

Jisung grinned, even though nervousness was creeping up on him. Jeongin sounded nice and Jisung would love to meet him. But Minho… well, Jisung would just have to wait and see.

  
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Restless as a young heart,_

_hunting._

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
  
  
  


“Hey Felix,” Jisung asked, not taking his eyes of the stars above them. They were both lying on the beach, watching the sky. “Can I ask you something?” he continued, turning his head to the left to look at the merboy. They were lying just at the edge of the water, the waves gentle brushing up against Jisung’s legs.

“Shoot,” Felix said, turning his head to look at Jisung. To Jisung, Felix was always beautiful. But it was something about the dark that made Felix so incredibly gorgeous. Because of his freckles and eyes illuminating his face, Jisung could still see every detail of his face.    
  
“Why…” he bit his lip, propping himself up on one arm as he turned to lay of the side to get a better view of Felix. “You’re a deep sea merboy… but why… why are you here? This isn’t deep sea…” he trailed off, then he widened his eyes. “It’s not like I don’t want you here!” he added quickly. “I’m just… curious…”

Felix looked… sad for a moment, eyes avoiding to meet Jisung’s. Then he looked up again, the glow in his eyes seeming to dim a little.    
  
“You… uh… promise you won’t… be disgusted?” he asked in a small voice, sitting up and Jisung sat up as well. 

“I promise,” Jisung said earnestly and Felix nodded, biting his lips.   
  
“So I… uh, merfolks we’re… basically like fish right? So we do actually come from eggs… When I was still… when I was still growing, my egg got scratched by something. Maybe a shark or something, I don’t know. But my egg got damaged and I…” he trailed off and lifted his fin out of the water. He quickly reached for Jisung’s phone, switching on the flashlight so Jisung could see his tail.

Jisung has never really paid much attention at the fins on Felix tail, as he had been caught up in the gorgeous color and striking glow of his tail as a whole. He had never really realized that the tip of Felix right fin was missing. The right side looked scarred in general and pieces of the fin was missing.

“My fins are misshapen,” Felix said, turning the flashlight to his face and turned his face to the left so Jisung could see the fin where his ear should have been. That fin wasn’t as badly beaten as the tail one but the scars were visible once someone had pointed them out. “I was sort of… I was left to die by my colony. They left my egg somewhere, not expecting it to hatch and if it did, I guess they expected me to be so badly off I’d die quickly.”

Jisung’s heart squeezed. He felt sad for Felix. So so damn sad.

“But then a reef mermaid found me,” Felix said, a smile finally returning on his lips. “Or, my egg and she took me in. The reef colony raised me as their own. They even made sure I have the cave, where i can hide when the colors gets too bright or the sun gets too hot.”

“They sound like a nice family,” Jisung said and Felix just nodded wordlessly.

“Do you… do you feel disgusted by this?” he asked after a heartbeat of silence and Jisung just frowned at him. “I mean… you wouldn’t be the first…”

“What? No!” Jisung said, maybe a bit too loud because Felix jumped in surprise. “I don’t care what your fins looks like, hell I don’t mind how you look like. You’re gorgeous but that doesn’t matter, what matters is that you’re a wonderful person and I like hanging out with you. You’re so easy to talk to and so nice and kind and I like your laughter and-“ he slapped a hand over his mouth when he realized that he was rambling. “I-“

“You think I’m gorgeous?” Felix asked and Jisung dropped his hand, shoulders slumping.

“Yeah,” he said, glancing up at Felix. “I like you a lot,” he said, heart drumming in his chest.

“I like you too, Jisung,” Felix said, inching a bit closer to Jisung. Jisung straightened a bit, looking straight into Felix’s eyes. His heart skipped a beat. The look in Felix eyes was so genuine. “I think… I think you’re gorgeous too, and kind, and patient with me when I ask a lot of questions…” he trailed off, chewing on his bottom lip. 

Jisung’s eyes flickered down to Felix’s lips before he looked up into Felix eyes again. He leaned a bit closer, keeping eye contact with Felix the whole time.

He moved to sit on his knees, moving oh so slowly.

“Is this okay?” he asked, breath ghosting over Felix’s lips. The intense and harsh molten gold glow of Felix eyes was changing, slowly becoming a warm almost bronze hue. 

“Yes,” he breathed just before Jisung pressed his lips against Felix, his eyes falling shut. It was like fireworks going off in his chest the moment he did and he could feel Felix freeze for a second. But then he placed both hands on Jisung’s cheeks, slowly moving his lips against Jisung’s.

They pulled apart and Jisung just took a moment to stare at Felix. In the darkness he couldn’t catch details such as the blush that sometimes dusted Felix’s cheeks or anything, but thanks to Felix’s own light, he could see the shy smile on his lips. Felix still had his hands on Jisung’s cheeks and just gently tugged him closer for another kiss.

“This was nice,” he mumbled against Jisung’s lips, leaning down and successfully pulling Jisung along with him. Jisung placed an arm beside Felix’s head, not wanting to crush him with his full weight, but still continued to kiss him.

“I really like you Felix,” Jisung whispered, leaning back to look at Felix. “Do you.. Uhm… wanna be my boyfriend?”

“Is that like… a partner?” he asked and Jisung nodded. “But not partnership for life right? I don’t think I’m ready for that commitment yet,” he continued and Jisung’s whole face got warm with embarrassment.   
  
“No! No just… just partners… without... marriage… or partnership forever and ever,” he said, moving to place a hand on Felix’s cheek. He leaned down and kissed Felix again.

“That sounds very good,” Felix said as they parted, reaching up a hand to brush some of Jisung’s hair out of his eyes. “Boyfriends… I like that word,” he continued, wide grin on his lips.   
  
“Me too,” Jisung said, gently stroking Felix’s cheek bone with his thumb. “You don’t call your partners boyfriends or girlfriends?”   
  
“No,” Felix shook his head a little, wide smile on his lips. “We just say partners. It’s easier.”   
  
Jisung nodded slowly, still caressing Felix’s cheek.

They stayed like that, bodies just pressed close together, occasionally exchanging slow and gentle kisses until the sun was beginning to peek up over the horizon.    
  
“We should probably leave,” Jisung mumbled, glancing at the sun and then back at Felix. Felix was squinting in the bright light and he nodded in agreement. “I’ll see you later then? Afternoon? I’ll come to the cave, if that’s okay?”

Felix nodded again, face splitting grin on his face. “That’s more than okay,” he said, pressing a soft kiss on Jisung’s cheek. “But uh… would it… would it be okay if I brought my little brother to see you?”

Jisung froze for a second. Younger brother. Family. Oh god were they on this level already? He was going to faint if Felix asked him to see his parents. “I-I guess? Sure? Jeongin right?” 

“Yeah,” Felix said, nodding his head. “I swear he’s nice and fun!”

“He won’t eat me right? Or try to drown me?” Jisung asked cautiously and Felix just laughed, cupping Jisung’s cheeks with his hands.    
  
“He won’t try to drown you, don’t worry,” he said, rubbing his nose with Jisung’s. “It’s the older brother you have to watch out for.”   
  
“Oh,” Jisung said, fear suddenly creeping up on him. He remembers that. Watch out for Minho, the older brother.

“I’m not going to let anyone drown you, don’t worry,” Felix said, patting Jisung’s cheek. “But hey, would you be a gentleman and help me back to the water. It’s kind of awkward every time because… uh... I just have to drag myself back and it’s kinda… embarrassing,” he continued and Jisung raised both eyebrows. He hadn’t thought about it earlier, but every time they met up on the beach like this, Felix had ushered him to leave before he did. Now he understood why.

“Sure,” Jisung said, offering Felix a warm smile. Felix let go off his face and Jisung stood up. He stared down at Felix for a moment. He had never… carried a merperson before… how… how was he supposed to do this? “Do I… uh, do I just carry you bridal style or…”   
  
“Uh,” Felix said, looking up at Jisung. “I don’t really know what that is but I can guess and uh, yeah? Let’s try that?”

Jisung wasn’t an active athlete or anything, so carrying Felix wasn’t really a piece of cake. But he managed to pick him up and god he was so thankful that they only had a few meters to the ocean.   
  
“Tonight was great,” Felix noted quietly, wrapping his arms around Jisung’s neck. “I really enjoy spending time with you,” he continued as Jisung carried him out to the ocean.    
  
“It was,” Jisung replied, trying not to sound strained as Felix was a bit too heavy for him to actually carry. Curse these weak arms!

Felix opened his mouth to say something but just as he did, Jisung stumbled and fell forward. He had gotten to the point where the water was just to his knees and then just fell and dropped Felix in the process. Water splashed around him and when Jisung stood up again, eyes wide, the first thing he heard was Felix’s laughter. 

“Oh god,” Jisung said, slapping his hands over his face to hide in shame. “I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to drop you!”

Felix just laughed at him, waving his hand at Jisung as Jisung stood there shocked. This wasn’t how he’d think the night would go but oh well.   
  
“Don’t worry,” Felix said, grinning from ear to ear. “But now when you’re wet and all, can you crouch down?” he asked and Jisung did as he was asked, crouching down in the water with a questioning look on his face. Felix cradled his face with his two hands and kissed him again. Jisung placed one of his hands on the back of Felix’s head as he moved his lips against Felix’s, tasting the saltwater. “Thank you for today,” Felix whispered.

“Thank you,” Jisung replied, letting go of Felix and stood up. “I’ll see you in a few hours?” he asked and Felix nodded excitingly.   
  
“Yes!” he said, glancing up at Jisung. “I see you soon!” he continued, slowly submerging into the water and Jisung watched as he swam away. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_As if the sea should part._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happiness was just buzzing through Jisung’s body as he entered their cabin, quietly shutting the door behind him. He was soaked to the bone, still dripping as he entered, but he was so happy.

“You know,” a voice suddenly said and Jisung jumped in surprise. It was four in the morning, no one should be awake. He looked over to the kitchen table where Chan was sitting, the light from the laptop illuminating his face. “I’m starting to get worried about you Jisung.”   
  
“Well,” Jisung replied, trying to recover from the slight shock. “I’m getting worried about you too? Do you even sleep?”

“My blood is coffee,” Chan replied, removing one of his earphones. “I’m worried about you, you barely talk to me and Changbin because you sleep till like three in the afternoon, then you disappear and come back in the middle of the night… and tonight you’re drenched. What are you up to Jisung?”   
  
Chan looked genuinely worried and Jisung felt really bad. He didn’t mean to worry Chan, but he didn’t know what to tell him either.   
  
“I…”   
  
“You know, if there’s something bothering you, you can tell me,” Chan said, removing his other earphone and standing up. He just remained in the kitchen, leaning against the chair as he had his eyes locked on Jisung.   
  
“I’m… I’m seeing someone, “ Jisung said, averting his gaze. “And he… his sleeping schedule is a bit… uh yeah,” he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Oh,” Chan said and when Jisung glanced up, he was greeted with a wide grin from Chan. “I am still fairly worried about the hours you’re out. But… why didn’t you just tell us?”   
  
“I… I wasn’t really sure what we were… and I, I don’t know,” Jisung said, shoulders dropping. “I’m sorry I made you worry… I guess I was a bit caught up in everything…”

“Love does that to you,” Chan said and Jisung sputtered. “Anyway, you should dry up and go to bed.” Jisung nodded and began to make his way towards the bathroom. “Why are you soaked though?”

“I… fell into the ocean…” Jisung whispered and Chan just shook his head, sitting down on the chair again. “Hey, you’re going to bed right?”   
  
“Yeah,” Chan said, nodding as he put one earphone back in his ear. “I’ll just finish this beat.”   
  
“Okay…” Jisung said, not really believing him, but he still left Chan in the kitchen to dry up and then go to bed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Alone, yes, alone,_

_I wait for the rescue boat._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jisung woke up at one in the afternoon, eyes bleary and hair tousled. Changbin was already out and Chan was sitting on the front porch, nursing an iced coffee.

“Morning,” Chan said as Jisung exited the cabin, squinting in the bright light. He was too tired for this. “Did you ever plan on letting me and Changbin meet your mystery guy?”   
  
“Oh,” Jisung mumbled, rubbing his eye as he sat down in front of Chan. “Yeah, I was actually going to ask him tonight. He’s bringing his little brother to meet me,” he said and Chan nodded slowly.   
  
“I sure hope his brother isn’t as much of a night owl as he is.”   
  
Jisung snorted. “You’re literally the worst at sleeping, I don’t think you have anything to say in this matter.”

Chan just laughed, taking a sip of his coffee.    
  
“But I’ll… I’ll ask him,” Jisung said, mood turning serious and he bit his lower lip. Chan gave him another smile and a nod.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_It's enough,_

_no matter how small._

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jisung had no idea what to say or do when he actually met Jeongin. He was just feeling so terribly nervous as he walked towards Felix’s cave. As he approached, he could hear Felix and another, higher voice, talking.

"Please be nice," Felix begged and Jisung bit back a smile, slowing down his steps. He didn't want to just barge into the cave like he usually did, because he didn't want to scare Jeongin.

"I'm always nice," the other voice replied, most likely Jeongin and Jisung could hear Felix's snorting. A splash of water and a whine. Jisung didn't have siblings, but he could imagine that this was just some siblings banter.

"Don't scare him okay?" Felix said, voice a lot more serious now and Jisung stopped in his tracks. "I... I really really like him Jeongin," he continued, voice lowering and Jisung felt a bit bad eavesdropping like this.

"He seems nice," Jeongin said and Jisung could hear Felix humming. He took a deep breath and began walking again. "Oh!" Jeongin exclaimed. "I think he's coming!"

Jisung carefully peeked out into the cave. "Uh... hi?" he said carefully. He was greeted with the sight of Felix, glowing in the dark and another merboy beside him. That merboy wasn't creating his own light like Felix so Jisung couldn't really pick up details of his face, the only light source in the cavern being Felix. "I'm.. I'm Jisung," he continued, carefully approaching the pool.

"Hi Jisung!" the merboy replied, swimming closer to the edge of the pool. He placed his hands on the edge, eyes staring at Jisung. Jisung hadn't noticed it at first, as he was too occupied with looking at Felix, but Jeongin had a bit of glow in his eyes as well. It wasn't nearly as strong as Felix's, but there was a faint golden glow in his eyes as well as he stared Jisung down. "I'm Jeongin! It's really nice to finally meet you. Felix talks about you all the time. It's kind of cute but you know, it's been a bit annoying because he never brought me to meet you. I asked him a while ago and he just said that no, I couldn't meet you yet because he was scared that what if Jisung fell for another merboy and oh god how would Jisung react and the Minho-" Jeongin was blabbing on and didn't shut up until Felix just promptly shoved him underwater.

"I am so sorry," he said, glancing up at Jisung as Jisung sat down on the edge of the pool. "I should have kept him away." He couldn't see it in the dark, but Jisung knew that Felix's cheeks were slowly turning red.

"It's fine," Jisung said as Jeongin surfaced again. Jisung took a moment to just look Jeongin over. The younger merboy heaved himself up on the edge, sitting beside Jisung, looking him over again. Jeongin looked more human than Felix, aqua blue scales on his shoulders and elbows, but actual ears instead of Felix's fins. He did have the gills on his ribs and another set on his neck. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to stare," Jisung apologized when he realized he had just stared Jeongin down for a solid 30 seconds.

"It's fine," Jeongin said, shrugging. "Felix told me you haven't seen merpeople before." Jisung nodded, biting his lip and he glanced at Felix who was sitting beside him. Felix grinned, eyes turning into crescent moons and he reached to gently take Jisung's hand. "And I mean, Felix and I don't look very alike so," he shrugged again, smiling widely. "But hey, Felix told me about your... p-phone?" he said, stuttering a bit as he seemed unsure of the word. Jisung nodded slowly, glancing at Felix and then back at Jeongin. "C-can I try?"

"You wanna try a game?" Jisung asked and Jeongin nodded mutely. "Uh, sure, " Jisung said, reaching for his hoodie he had placed down on the ground behind him, and pulled out his phone. "Just don't get water on it, please." Jeongin nodded eagerly.

It took Jeongin about five minutes to get how the phone worked and how to play candy crush. As he began to climb the levels in the game, Felix just took Jisung a bit to the side.

"He was very excited about that phone," Felix said and Jisung smiled.

"He's very cute," he said and Felix nodded. "He seems to be quite talkative," he continued and Felix sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"He is," he said, squeezing Jisung's hand with his own. "But he's... he means well." He leaned his head on Jisung's shoulder, his wet hair quickly soaking through the thin fabric of Jisung's shirt. Not like Jisung bothered, he was used to his clothes being constantly soaked through by now. "Don't listen to what he says about me though," Felix continued and Jisung snorted. "He's just trying to embarrass me."

"Sure, sure," Jisung said, looking down at Felix who had tilted his head up to look back at him. Neither of them said anything, they just stared each other in the eyes for a moment before moving closer to kiss each other.

It felt like an eternity. Jisung was just slowly moving his lips against Felix's.

They just kept going, slowly and gently kissing each other until an "ew" from Jeongin caused them to break apart. The younger merboy was grimacing, his tongue sticking out. "I didn't come here to play games while you two were sucking faces," he said.

"Well why did you come here in the first place," Felix said, sticking out his tongue.

"I wanted to see the phone and the human you keep gushing about," Jeongin said. "I didn't want to hear the sloppy sounds of you two kissing."

Jisung felt his face heating up and Felix looked embarrassed.

"Just leave Jeongin," he hissed and Jeongin laughed.

"No," the younger stuck out his tongue. "I wanna finish this level! If you make me leave now, I'm gonna get Minho."

Jisung's eyes widened and he glanced over at Felix.

"Don't," Felix begged. "Minho's sour enough with me just hanging out with Jisung." 

Jeongin didn’t say anything. He just snickered and went back to the phone. Felix rolled his eyes and turned back to Jisung.   
  
“Is it okay if I write a little?” Jisung asked and Felix just hummed. As Jisung brought out his notebook and pen, Felix was just leaning on his shoulder, keeping his eyes on the moving pen. Jisung usually had a hard time writing when someone was intently watching what he was writing but with Felix he just felt so comfortable. Felix wasn’t stupid so he probably knew already that Jisung wrote songs about him. 

“Felix told me about your… tattoos?” Jeongin said after a few minutes, and Jisung looked up from his notepad. “Can I… see them?” he asked and Jisung nodded, closing his notepad and pulled his hoodie over his head. Jeongin’s eyes were wide as he stared at the big one on his forearm. “Wow,” he breathed. “That’s so cool!”   
  
“Thank you,” Jisung said, chuckling as he rolled up his sleeve so Jeongin could see the flowers. Jeongin reached out to grab Jisung’s arm, but he halted himself, glancing up at Jisung. Jisung gave him a small nod and Jeongin carefully grabbed Jisung’s arm, turning it to get a good look of the tattoo. 

“You have so many,” Jeongin said, looking up from Jisung’s arm. “It’s cool.”   
  
“He’s cool,” Felix said and Jisung felt his ears heat up.    
  
“I… well I just like… them… you know?” he said, shrugging. “It’s like… like reminders or… or just art.”   
  
“Minho would like these,” Jeongin said and Jisung raised an eyebrow. “Especially these,” he continued, pointing at the colorful flowers on Jisung’s shoulder. “He likes colors a lot.”   
  
“Oh,” Jisung said, a bit uncomfortable as he squirmed in his seat. Jeongin let go of his arm and grinned.   
  
“I think I’m gonna head back,” Jeongin said. “I’m sorry I just played on your phone the whole time, or staring at your tattoos,” he continued, a small sheepish grin making its way up on his lips.   
  
“It’s fine,” Jisung said, shrugging. “I get that you’re more interested in the phone than me.”   
  
Jeongin lowered himself in the water until the point where Jisung could only see his eyes and the top of his head, but Jisung could still see that Jeongin was grinning widely. Then he came up again and shrugged. “I mean, I’ve met humans before but I never got to play the games. Jinnie’s phone doesn’t have games at all.”   
  
Jisung raised an eyebrow but he just nodded.    
  
“Well, I’ll see you later Jisung,” Jeongin said and ducked down under the surface. 

Jisung turned to look at Felix who had leaned back, looking back at Jisung. “Who’s ‘Jinnie’? Do you know another human?” he asked, eyes wide but Felix shook his head. 

“Jinnie is… he’s a merboy too and he belongs to our colony, but his family has lived on land with the humans since forever. He’s like… if someone in our colony wants to live on land or travel somewhere, Jinnie helps us. He usually comes down and visits every now and then,” Felix explained and Jisung nodded.   
  
“Makes sense…” he said slowly. “That’s pretty smart,” he continued and Felix nodded, reaching for Jisung’s phone. Now it was Jisung’s turn to lean against Felix’s shoulder, looking at his phone. “What games did he play?”   
  
“He…” Felix trailed off and Jisung glanced over at the merboy, watching him squint at the phone. “He beat my record,” he said, pouting. He then switched games to look at the scoreboard on this one. “He beat my record in this game too!” By now, Felix was whining and Jisung just stared at the screen. He had been fairly good at his mobile games, but Felix had beat his records easily and now Jeongin seemed to be even better. How was this possible?

Jisung looked away from the phone and up at Felix as the merboy went on and whined about Jeongin cheating and that he was probably lying and that Jinnie probably had games on his phone and what not. Jisung wasn’t really paying attention to what he was saying exactly, he was busy just staring at Felix. 

At last he just leaned closer, shutting Felix up with a kiss. When they parted, Felix tilted his head a little.    
  
“You’re just very cute,” Jisung said, his ears turning red. Jesus he was becoming cheesy and gross. He coughed, embarrassed. “I-I mean-”   
  
Felix pecked him on the lips, a wide smile stretching his lips and showing his pearly white teeth. “You’re so very cute,” he said, poking Jisung in the rib and Jisung let out a small squeak. “Very cute, yes,” Felix said, nodding to himself.   
  
Jisung felt like he was about to combust and Felix just laughed, leaning his head down on Jisung’s shoulder.   
  
“You’re the cutest human I’ve met,” he cooed and Jisung coughed again.   
  
“I’m probably the only human you’ve ever met,” he said and Felix hummed, not replying him immediately.

“You’re my human though,” Felix finally said after a moment of silence and Jisung choked. He turned his head to look at Felix, eyes wide and face on fire.   
  
“Y-your human?”   
  
“Yeah,” Felix said, looking up at Jisung with his wide, glowing eyes. “Is that okay?”   
  
“Y-yes,” Jisung stuttered, his lips suddenly dry and his heart racing in his chest. “H-hey,” he swallowed. He needed to change subject before he combusted for real. “Uh… You know Chan and Changbin right?” he asked and Felix nodded, eyes still wide and glowing. “Would… would it be okay for you if… if you met them?”   
  
“Uh… sure?” Felix said, a bit hesitant. “I mean I’ve never met any other human but I-I’d love to meet them.”   
  
“I… I haven’t told them about you,” Jisung said slowly and Felix nodded, taking Jisung’s hand. “I mean… they probably wouldn’t believe me, or think that I was mad and that we needed to get away from this place as soon as possible.”   
  
“I understand, don’t worry,” Felix said, soft smile on his lips. “I was the first merperson you saw, I’m sure I can break in some other humans too.”   
  
Jisung laughed, squeezing Felix hand a little. He looked down on Felix again, not really saying anything. He just looked at him, thinking about how fast thing had moved since they first met and how fast and how hard Jisung fell for Felix.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_The sea speaks,_

_only to the stormy hearts._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Jisung,” Changbin said when Jisung entered the cabin. Changbin was sitting by the kitchen table and Chan was behind the kitchen counter, looking at Jisung with his Disappointed Parent™ look. “It’s seven in the morning.”   
  
“Uh,” was all Jisung could say. He didn’t intend to stay with Felix for that long, but they had just… he didn’t want to leave. He wanted to be with Felix for as long as he could. “I… uh, I’m tired? Can I go to bed?”

“I think we really need to talk,” Chan said and Jisung swallowed. Chan usually just patted him on the back and told him to settle things quickly and then tell them. He seemed really serious now. In his hand, he held a cup of coffee and he walked around the counter, sitting down beside Changbin.   
  
“W-why?” Jisung asked, coughing in embarrassment as he slowly crept forward. “I’m just… I’m just out late. That’s all.”   
  
“Sit,” Chan said softly and Jisung did as told, lowering his head. “You know we care about you right?” Jisung looked up from the table, eyes wide. Chan was smiling at him and so was Changbin.

“I’m getting really worried about you,” Changbin said and Jisung bit his lip. “I knew you came home late and woke up around noon, but this is starting to become ridiculous.”

“I-” Jisung sighed, rubbing the back of his nape. “I don’t… listen,” he said, biting his lip as he looked up at Chan and Changbin. “You know I’m seeing someone, right?”   
  
“Sure,” Chan said, taking a sip of his coffee. “You told us that much but this still seems a bit too extreme.”

 

Jisung ran a hand through his hair. “His… his name is Felix,” he finally said, looking down to avoid meeting Changbin or Chan’s glance. “I talked to him today and he… he said he wanted to meet you two… so uhm… if you… if you want, we can go and meet him tomorrow, or uh… later today.”

Carefully Jisung lifted his gaze and saw Chan. Chan was smiling widely and Jisung breathed a sigh of relief. Changbin also looked pleased. “That sounds great,” Chan said and Changbin nodded.

“Hyunjin and I are going trekking in like an hour but I should be back before noon,” Changbin said and Jisung nodded, holding back a yawn. “I’m guessing we’re meeting him around dinner time right?”

“Yeah,” Jisung said. “He… his sleeping schedule is… different,” he just said and both Changbin and Chan nodded. “Can I go to sleep now? I’m really tired.”

“Sure,” Chan said and Jisung stood up, quickly leaving the kitchen. “Sweet dreams Jisung!” he called after him and Jisung’s heart squeezed.    
  
How lucky was he to have friends like this?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_More precious,_

_then a wet rose,_

_I'm caught in the tide._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Why are we... by the abandoned docks?" Changbin asked, raising an eyebrow. "Your boyfriend seems really weird."

"He's not... that weird," Jisung protested, furrowing his brows. "I just... uh," he trailed off. "You'll see."

"You're almost scaring me Jisung," Chan said, rolling the sleeves of his t-shirt up. "You've been on edge ever since you woke up."

"I'm just... I don't know," Jisung said, shoulders slumping. They finally reached that rock he and Felix had been sitting on, that day when Jisung had showed Felix how to work the phone. "Okay, if we just sit here, we can wait for him here," he continued, sitting down on the rock. The sun was glaring down on them, even though it was slowly moving lower on the sky. It was about five in the evening and the sun still had a while left on the sky. As a safety precaution, Jisung had brought a cap and t-shirt for Felix, in case the sun was getting irritating.

"He's in love," Changbin said, sitting down beside Jisung. "It's cute but jesus it's been a few weird weeks here."

“You’re grossly in love too.” Chan snorted. "We only have about two weeks left here," he continued as he sat down on Jisung's other side. Jisung's heart dropped a bit. He tried not thinking about leaving this place, but it was coming and he would have to try and work out something.

The three of them were sitting there, just staring at the sun in the far off distance.

"Uh," a deep voice suddenly broke them out of the trance and Jisung looked towards the water. "Please don't freak out," Felix said as he heaved himself up on the rock. Both Chan and Changbin quickly scrambled up on their feet while Jisung just moved closer, quickly handed Felix the shirt. "Thanks," Felix said, slipping the shirt over his head and then took the cap, pulling it down and shielding his eyes from the sun.

Jisung looked up at Chan and Changbin who were both staring at Felix with wide eyes.

"So... uh, this is Felix..." Jisung began and Felix waved his hand. "Felix, this is Chan and Changbin."

"Hi," he said, fiddling a bit with his hands. "I really like your music... Jisung showed me some of your songs and I really hope you continue to make music because it's really good."

"Oh," Chan said, carefully moving closer and sat down close to Felix and Jisung. "A merboy listening to music," he said, chuckling a bit. "That's not every day."

"I don't think seeing a merperson is something you do every day," Changbin said, also sitting down. "But I get why Jisung has been acting so weird."

"He's been acting weird?" Felix asked, glancing at Jisung who just shrugged. He hadn't been that weird.

"Yeah oh man," Changbin said and Jisung narrowed his eyes. If Changbin trashed him now, Jisung would end him. "He's been coming home really late, sometimes he’s coming home when we wake up, he didn’t want to talk about you, he had weird excuses for disappearing and when he actually hangs out with us he’s either sleeping on the table or spacing out.”

“He’s like a love sick puppy,” Chan added and Jisung flushed bright red. He let out a wheezing sound and Felix laughed. “It’s cute.”   
  
“You’re very cute,” Felix said, looking straight at Jisung. It felt like his face was about to ignite. Felix, apparently being a mind reader, laughed and placed his still wet hands on Jisung’s cheeks. “He’s very cute,” he continued, looking at Changbin and Chan. Changbin and Chan just laughed. They were going to rub this in his face the whole evening. 

 

Chan then proceeded to ask Felix about merfolks and Jisung just sat there on the side, listening to Felix talking about his home and telling his friends about himself and his family. It felt nice not to hide this anymore. Changbin and Chan were like his family, so letting them in on this lifted a burden from his shoulders.

“I get why you didn’t tell us anything,” Chan said suddenly, moving closer to Jisung. Jisung glanced away from Changbin and Felix, who were now getting into a very serious conversation about pokemon. Felix was just moving his eyes between Changbin and Changbin’s phone, looking amazed as Changbin explained everything about pokemon. Jisung grinned as Felix began tugging on Changbin’s sleeve, making him show him the munchlax tattoo. 

“I wanted to tell you,” Jisung said, leaning his head on Chan’s shoulder. He still kept his eyes trained on Felix, watching the merboy’s fins twitch as he broke out in a loud laughter. Changbin also laughed and continued to scroll on his phone. “But I… I don’t know. I thought you’d think I was crazy or something.”

“Understandable,” Chan said, patting Jisung on the thigh as he looked over at Changbin and Felix. “He’s really cute. Did you meet him when you got lost in the caves?”   
  
“Yeah,” Jisung hummed. “He has a cavern in the tunnels. I sort of ended up there by accident.”

“That’s pretty lucky,” Chan said and Jisung nodded. “There’s so many caverns you could have ended up with.” He looked between Jisung and Felix. “I guess fate really wanted you two to be together.”   
  
Jisung felt his ears heat up again and he playfully hit Chan’s arm. Chan just laughed, putting his arm around Jisung. 

“You two are really cute,” Chan said after a moment of silence and Jisung just cleared his throat, embarrassment burning.   
  
“I’m gonna die of embarrassment soon if you don’t stop,” he mumbled and Chan just laughed, shaking him a bit.   
  
“I’ll shut up,” he said and Jisung thanked all the gods. “But… I’m really happy for you, Jisung,” he said with an earnest smile. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Like the northern star,_

_you guide me home._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Your friends are nice,” Felix said after Changbin and Chan had left them. The sun had set long ago and the stars were out of the sky. When Jisung looked at Felix, it sort of looked like stars all over his face but with a golden hue instead of a silver. “I like them. You didn’t tell me Chan had a tattoo on his finger. It was pretty.”   
  
“They liked you too,” Jisung said and Felix beamed. “I guess I sort of forgot about it,” he continued, shrugging and offered Felix a sheepish smile.   
  
“That’s good,” he said, laughing. “I imagined they would be more shocked but they took it pretty well.”   
  
“They’re… I don’t know, they were probably expecting something far worse,” Jisung said, shrugging. “I thought they would be a bit more shocked too but… I’m… I’m really glad they weren’t.”

“You seem close,” Felix said, his eyes studying Jisung’s face intently. 

Jisung looked away from Felix, leaning back a bit to stare at the endless black sea in front of him. He took a moment to just think about Felix’s statement and Felix didn’t seem to rush him.   
  
“We’re… we’re family,” he finally said. “I said I was an only child… and I was, but… but Changbin and Chan are my brothers.”

“Like… adopted brothers?”    
  
“No,” Jisung glanced at Felix before looking back at the sea. The merboy had his head tilted, eyes gleaming curiously. “No we… we became friends when I was 15, or about to turn 15… I met them at this writing summer camp. I was interested in music and my parents thought it was good for me to invest in some hobby that wasn’t computer games…” Jisung began, licking his lips nervously. “Chan was 18 and worked as one of the leaders and mentors for the camp. Changbin was at that camp too and we just… we just kept in contact after the camp ended. We had a similar taste in music and I… I look up to both of them a lot, I just wanted to continue to learn from them.”

“Oh.”   
  
“The following summer I… I realized that I liked boys… It was something I’d been thinking about for a while and just… that summer I just realized that I only liked boys… My… my parents didn’t really like that.”   
  
“They didn’t?” Felix asked.   
  
“No,” Jisung shook his head, still staring out into the huge black nothing of the sea. “They told me to pack my stuff and leave. They wouldn’t have a gay son,” he continued, shoulders slumping. “So I just… I just packed my things and went to live with Chan and Changbin… and after that we just… we tried our best to find job and just support each other. Neither Chan nor Changbin had anywhere else to go.”

Felix didn’t say anything at first. Jisung just stared in front of him. It felt nice to just… let it out. He usually didn’t talk about that, he hadn’t really told anyone but Changbin and Chan about this. But telling Felix made his chest feel… lighter. 

“Why… why would your parents… tell you to leave?” Felix finally asked and Jisung looked over at him. “I-is it wrong to like boys?”

“No,” Jisung said, shaking his head. “Of course not. But some… some humans think it’s wrong…” he sighed and looked down. 

“I didn’t… I didn’t think it was something… I don’t know, something to think of as wrong?” Felix said, voice low and words careful. “We don’t… we don’t have anything like that… at least not what I know of…”   
  
“That’s nice,” Jisung said, reaching out to grab Felix’s hand. “I wish we… I wish we humans weren’t as… I don’t know, I just wish we could accept everyone, because in the end, we’re all humans…” He sighed, shrugging and just looked out over the ocean. 

“That’s true,” Felix hummed, squeezing Jisung’s hand gently. He didn’t say anything, he just stared out over the ocean with Jisung. “I’m glad you have Chan and Changbin,” he finally said and Jisung turned to look at Felix. “I’m happy they found you and brought you home.”   
  
It didn’t hit Jisung before, but now he realized that he and Felix were more alike than he had initially thought. They had both been cast aside because of what others thought was a flaw and then taken in by people who truly loved them. 

“I’m… I’m happy they found me too… and I’m… I’m happy I found you,” he said, stumbling over his words. The light from Felix’s freckles and eyes intensified, taking on a warm golden bronze hue and thanks to the brighter light, Jisung was able to pick out more details on Felix’s face.

They didn’t say anything more, they just sat there, staring out over the dark ocean and hands intertwined, occasionally stealing glances of each other. Every time they caught each other, a small, shy smile made its way to their face and Jisung just felt so entirely grateful. To fate. To Felix. To Chan. To Changbin. Hell, even to his parents. Without these people, Jisung wouldn’t be sitting here today, heart so full it was about to burst.   
  
He sighed, a happy sigh and just gripped Felix’s hands tighter, feeling the slight webbing brush up against his skin.   
  
He was happy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Let them kiss my face,_

_and hear me_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Felix was bundled up in one of Jisung’s white shirts and a cap pulled down to shield his eyes from the sun. They had met early today, as Felix told Jisung he had something important to tell him and he couldn’t wait. The abandoned docks had become their own space, since no one ever came here and Felix had expressed to Jisung that he enjoyed being outside in the open too. He liked the fresh air. 

“Do you… do you want to talk now… or do you… I don’t know, want to talk about something else?” Jisung asked, glancing over at Felix. Felix’s eyes were shifting around nervously, his glow flickering while he chewed on his bottom lip. “You… you look nervous.” 

“I-I’m a bit nervous,” Felix admitted, looking up at Jisung. “I j-just don’t know how… how- or what to say.” “Just say it,” Jisung said, reaching out to brush his fingers over Felix’s arm. “I’m not scary.” 

“I’m just… I don’t know,” Felix sighed, shoulder slumping and he gently took Jisung’s hand, stroking his thumb over the tattooed letters. “I’ve been practicing… magic, I mean.” 

“Oh?” Jisung tilted his head and Felix licked his lips, stroking the backside of Jisung’s hand. 

“I want to… I want to see your world,” he said. “I want to see your cabin, I want to… I want to see that TV thing Jeongin keeps talking about, I want to… I don’t know, maybe get that piercing,” he said, looking up from Jisung’s hand to look at him through his eyelashes. “I’ve been… practicing with… with Jeongin and I… I think I can give myself legs.” 

Jisung’s eyes widened and he just stared at Felix. “I-I’m not sure but I… I think I can do it…” he mumbled, lowering his gaze and Jisung wrapped his fingers around Felix’s hand. “I’m sure you can do it,” he said and Felix looked up again. “I believe in you.” “Would you… would you show me around town and… and bring me to your cabin?”

“Of course,” Jisung said, lips stretching into a wide smile. “I’ll bring you anywhere you want.” 

Felix's doubtful and uncertain expression finally dropped and was replaced by a bright smile and beaming lights from his eyes and freckles. 

“Do you… do you know that you’re stunning?” Jisung blurted and then widened his eyes when he realized what he just said. “I… uh,” Felix said, eyes shifting as he just stared at Jisung. “Thank you,” he continued, smiling widely. 

“No really,” Jisung rushed. He had already begun talking, he might as well go all the way. “You’re so unbelievably beautiful and I just… I lose my breath every time I see you and that’s not just this whole glowing thing. You’re so gorgeous and then you’re just the kindest person I’ve ever met and I-” he didn’t get to finish because Felix leaned in to kiss him, knocking him with the brim of the cap in the process. 

“You’re rambling,” Felix said as he leaned back, still smiling. “I wasn’t lying though,” Jisung said, his ears hot. “Also, ow,” he whined, rubbing his forehead. 

“You’re the best thing that has happened to me, Jisung,” Felix said, suddenly a serious expression on his face. “I-I wasn’t very… I was very lonely and I… I didn’t do anything but stay in my cave and refusing to improve my magic… Thank you for… I don’t know, not being weirded out by me, being patient with me and being kind to me.” 

Jisung sighed, reaching out to gently cradle Felix’s face in his hands. “You deserve the world Felix, okay?” In the sunlight, Jisung could see tears rise in Felix eyes. “Thank you for coming into my life and making it so much brighter.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I want you_

_to look at me_

_with those eyes_

_forever._

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jisung was hugging the bundle of clothes close to his chest as he approached the abandoned boat houses. Today was the day. Felix was going to try and get legs and he had asked Jisung to bring some clothes along.

When he got to the docks, he could see that Felix were already at the beach, thoughtful expression on his face.

"Hey," Jisung said quietly and Felix looked up, eyes wide. "I got the clothes," he said, offering Felix a smile. Felix didn't smile back, he just nodded and looked back at the ocean. Jisung frowned and sat down beside Felix. "Are you okay?"

"Do you... Would you like me more with legs?" Felix said after a moment of silence and Jisung's frown deepened. "Like... If I actually can get legs, I would be able to live as a human... would you... would you prefer me with legs?"

"I..." Jisung trailed off and sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I said this when you told me about your fin," he began, glancing down at Felix's tail. "I don't care what you look like. No, I won't like you more with legs. I'm not asking you to change for me. I mean yes, I would love to bring you to my apartment and show you my city, but I don't want you to just get legs and give up your old life. I want to show you my world and I want to see your world."

 

"Oh," Felix said, stunned by Jisung's words and Jisung could feel his cheeks heating up. Changbin had been right, love certainly does things to you. "I... Thank you Jisung."

"No problem," Jisung said, reaching to take Felix's hand and gave it a small, reassuring squeeze.

"I... I don't know if I got the magic right and I... I don't know how this," he gestured to his broken fin, waving with it in the air a bit, "is going to translate to legs..."

"You're still you and I love you," as soon as he'd said it, Jisung widened his eyes. Oh god he said it. Was it too soon? Panic was building up inside and he stared at Felix who stared back at him. "I-I mean uh, I'm- uh, I-I really like you, like I l-like you a lot a-and I-" he stuttered, his mind hazy and Felix broke out into a wide, warm smile.

Felix leaned closer, gently taking Jisung's face in his hands and he pressed his lips against Jisung's. "I love you too, and like you very very much," he said, resting his forehead against Jisung's. "Thank you... thank you so much..." he whispered and Jisung nodded mutely. It didn't matter how many times he kissed Felix, how many times he saw Felix. Felix was always breathtakingly gorgeous and Jisung's heart never stopped racing when he kissed Felix.

"I'm gonna... I'm gonna give it a try now," Felix said and Jisung nodded, moving away a little to give Felix some space. He watched intently as Felix mumbled something, his hands clasped together and eyes closed.

A bright light suddenly erupted, a light so so bright that Jisung had to shield his eyes and look away. When the light had dimmed and Jisung looked back, he was staring right at a human Felix.

Okay, a somewhat human Felix.

He had two legs and the fins on the side of his head had been replaced with a pair of very cute human ears. But there were still some very obvious traces of his heritage. He had patches of scales remaining on his shoulders, on his elbows and on his knees.

"Jisung!" Felix shrieked, looking between Jisung and his legs with a wide smile on his face. "I did it!" he said, wiggling his toes. Jisung didn't reply, he was busy staring at Felix's face. Not much had changed, except his ears, but the freckles had lost a bit of their bioluminescence. It didn't change anything for Jisung though. Felix was just as gorgeous.

"Hey," Felix said, waving a hand in front of Jisung's face. "I... uh, I would need some clothes because it's... it's pretty cold."

 

"Oh," Jisung flushed bright red as he handed Felix the clothes he had brought along. "Sorry," he mumbled, averting his eyes as Felix pulled the shirt over his head.   
  
“Can you… can you help me stand up?” Felix asked and Jisung nodded, standing up before slowly helping Felix up on his feet. He was a bit wobbly on his feet, struggling to keep his balance and he had to hold onto Jisung for support. After a bit of a struggle, Felix was dressed in a pair of shorts and a simple white shirt. He was still holding on to Jisung for support, showing no signs of letting go.   
  
Jisung looked down on Felix’s feet, cursing himself for not bringing shoes along. But how would he even be able to determine what shoe size Felix would have? Hell, Felix’s feet were magical, literally. Jisung’s eyes fell on Felix’s right leg and his heart dropped a little. It seemed like the injury had carried over. Scars ran along Felix’s calf and on closer inspection, it seemed like he was missing two of his toes on the right foot.   
  
“Are you feeling alright?” Jisung asked, tightening his grip on Felix. Felix just looked at him with wide eyes but he nodded.    
  
“Just fine,” he said, slowly looking down. “How does it- oh,” he said as his eyes fell on his right leg. “It’s very ugly.”   
  
“It doesn’t really matter,” Jisung said and Felix looked up. His eyes were glossy and Jisung could tell that he was trying his hardest not to cry. “God Lix it’s just a foot and some scars. I don’t mind them at all,” he said, placing his free hand on Felix’s cheek and leaned in to kiss him. Felix let out a small sound that sounded suspiciously like a sob. “Whoever cares about it is not worth you, okay?” he said when they parted, staring straight into Felix’s eyes.

“You called me Lix…” Felix breathed, his lips just slightly parted as he stared back at Jisung. 

“I did,” Jisung said. “But really… I don’t mind, and I don’t think anyone else minds either.” He loosened his grip a little and Felix just kept looking at him. “I think we need to get you some shoes.”

“Are shoes comfortable?” Felix asked, holding onto Jisung’s arm as he took a careful and wobbly step. He grimaced. “I think our feet are about the same size,” he continued, looking down on his feet and wiggled his toes.   
  
“Uh, yeah maybe?” Jisung said, looking down as well. “You can try some of my shoes when we get to the cabin,” he continued. Felix looked up, suddenly a very serious expression on his face.    
  
“Toes are really cute,” he said, face straight and Jisung snorted, breaking out in a laughter. “What?” Felix whined, wiggling a little where he stood. “I’m just saying they’re cute!”

  
“You’re really precious,” Jisung said, watching in glee as Felix’s cheeks flushed pink. “Now, let’s go and see Changbin and Chan. Oh boy they’re gonna be so shocked.”   
  
“I can’t wait to actually see your cabin,” Felix said, loosening his grip of Jisung’s arm to try and walk ahead of him but his knees buckled and Jisung had to grab him to steady him. “Oops,” he said, letting out a small embarrassed laugh. “I guess I’ll have to work on my balance,” he said, his ears red.   
  
“Don’t worry, we’ll work on it,” Jisung said, stopping Felix for a moment. Felix stared at Jisung and Jisung just stared at Felix for a moment, taking in every detail of his face before leaning in to kiss him. “We have all the time in the world.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated ;; 
> 
> A super big thanks to Karen who proofread all this for me, Isa who's been brainstorming this baby with me and a huge thanks to the WNS group chat for cheering me on. And thank YOU for reading this. 
> 
> Stay tuned for part 2 & 3
> 
> [Wanna ask smth or yell at me uwu?](https://curiouscat.me/sparklegay1337)


	2. Prismatic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prismatic. adj.  
> 1\. Of, relating to, resembling, or being a prism.  
> 2\. Formed by refraction of light through a prism. Used of a spectrum of light.  
> 3\. Brilliantly colored; iridescent.

Minho wasn't happy with this whole human business. Not at all. He narrowed his eyes as Felix approached him, gleeful expression on his face. He could see Jeongin, in the corner of his eye, look up from the fish he was feeding.

"Minho!" Felix screeched, tackling Minho in a hug. "I have a boyfriend!"

"A what now?" he asked. Oh man what had the human taught Felix now? Minho groaned as he prepared to listen to Felix gushing about that Josing or whatever his name was. He was just about done hearing about this human. He was going to find him and drown him.   
  
“A boyfriend!” Felix repeated, beaming both figuratively and literally. Felix was always glowing, a gentle and muted glow when he was calm and content, and a bright and almost blinding light when he was excited. Right now, it was the second one and Minho almost had to shield his eyes.

“What does that even mean? You have a friend that’s a boy?” Minho frowned. Felix frowned. Jeongin was looking between the two of them.   
  
“Noooo!” Felix said, whining as he flopped down as dramatic as he could against the corals. “A boyfriend is someone… uh, well okay let’s just… Jisung and I kissed.” Minho choked on the water. “And I like him a lot. And he likes me a lot. He thinks I’m gorgeous and I think he’s gorgeous too. So we kissed and he asked me to be his boyfriend.”   
  
“You WHAT?” Minho asked when he had recovered and Felix just blinked at him. “You kissed him?”   
  
“Yeah?”

“You can’t kiss him!” Minho said, slapping his hands on his cheeks. “You’re too young for this. He’s teaching you bad things Felix.”   
  
“He’s… not?” Felix said, frown creeping up on his face. He had straightened himself from the coral and swam up to be at eye level with Minho. “I can take care of myself? I’m not a baby? He’s really nice to me and cares about me.”   
  
“How do you know he really cares?” Minho asked, voice a bit strained. He was starting to get worked up and he could see that Felix was too. “Does he know? Do you even trust him enough to tell him?” 

 

At that, Felix’s own glow just went out and he narrowed his eyes.   
  
“Yes he fucking knows,” Felix hissed, moving closer to Minho. Minho watched him with a fixed gaze as the fins at the side of his head flared a little and the glow returned, a dull and slow pulsing glow. “And you know what? He doesn’t fucking care about that. He cares about me and how I feel, not how my fucking fins look.” His voice was low, rumbling and Minho knew he fucked up.   
  
“Felix-”   
  
“I get it. You don’t have to shove it in my face all the goddamn time Minho!” he exclaimed, voice louder now. “I can’t go back to my own damn colony because my fins are too weak to handle the currents, but you don’t have to be a fucking bitch about everything I do.”   
  
“Stop, Felix. I-”   
  
“You don’t want me here. Fine,” Felix said, turning around before Minho even could react and swam away. Minho could probably catch up with Felix, if he had a good day. He glanced down at his gills, sighing before looking up towards the direction Felix swam off. He knew better than to try and talk with him now. So he decided to just stay where he was.

He sighed.   
  
“You really need to… I don’t know, chill?” Jeongin piped up from the coral below and Minho just glared down at him. “I’m sorry but… really? This Jisung makes Felix happy. Why can’t he be happy?”   
  
Minho sighed, twisting around and swam down to Jeongin to look at the clownfish he was feeding. He looked down on the tiny little fish and held out a hand. The fish didn’t flinch and Minho just reached out to gently tickle it.   
  
“I… I just don’t want him to get hurt…” he mumbled, not taking his eyes off the clownfish. “He might… What if this human hurts him, Jeongin? I don’t… I don’t trust humans, and I can’t trust a human with Felix.”

“Not all humans are bad,” Jeongin said and Minho narrowed his eyes. He didn’t like where this was going. “I’m just saying,” Jeongin continued, holding up his hands. “That this human seems nice enough. Maybe you should give him a chance.”   
  
Give him a chance? Minho grumbled and decided to not reply. He was done talking about this. No way he was going to give a human a chance. Nope. Not going to happen. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I say I'm fine,but_

_I'm really not._

 

 

 

 

 

 

“So,” Jeongin said as he heaved himself up on the stone beside Minho. Minho’s favorite spot was a giant rock situated in the middle of the ocean. It was smooth, perfect to lay on and sunbathe, and most importantly, it was far away from shore, humans and from the boat routes. Minho cracked an eye open, looking at his younger brother as he laid down on his back beside him.    
  
“Where have you been?” Minho asked, raising an eyebrow as he turned his head to look at Jeongin.

“I…” Jeongin began, trailing off as he stared up at the sky above them. The sun was starting to set, casting a golden and pink over the few clouds on the sky. “I met Jisung.”   
  
“You what?” Minho snapped, opening both eyes and sat up. “Why would you even do that?” he hissed, eyes narrowing.   
  
“Now listen here,” Jeongin said, sitting up. “I’m trying to be a reasonable brother here. I wanted to see what kind of guy he was and if he really likes Felix genuinely.”

“And?” Minho said, his fins twitching impatiently.   
  
“He’s really nice Minho,” Jeongin said and Minho just squinted at him. “No really. He cares about Felix and really really likes him. It was both cute and gross. It felt like I was invading their space. But he’s so nice to Felix and Felix really likes him.”   
  
Minho didn’t like this. 

“You should give him a chance,” Jeongin said, sitting up as well. “At least try, for Felix.”   
  
Minho sighed, rubbing his temples. “I’ll think about it,” he said and Jeongin nodded, cracking a small smile. “How does this human look?”   
  
“Uh, dark hair, tattoos, piercings, he has a shirt with the word 3racha on, why?”

Minho shrugged. “Nothing nothing, just curious.”

Jeongin didn’t say anything, he just sat beside Minho, staring at the sunset. “Felix has been practicing his magic,” he finally said and Minho turned to look at him, eyes wide. Felix had given up on magic a long time ago, saying something that he didn’t need it. Minho knew he was conscious about his fins and how they would translate to human legs, but he didn’t really know why Felix had given it up all in all. Not all magic was about getting legs, but it was a useful skill.    
  
“Why?” he asked and Jeongin just shrugged. “Have you talked about it with him?”   
  
“No,” Jeongin said, shaking his head. He ran a hand through his hair, moving his wet bangs out of his eyes. “Maybe you should try talking to him.”   
  
Minho sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He hadn’t talked to Felix since their little argument and maybe he should talk to him, about both the magic thing and the argument.    
  
“You’re our big brother,” Jeongin said and Minho looked up. “We both look up to you and love you. I don’t want to fight with you and I don’t think Felix wants that either… Can you please talk to him?”   
  
“I’ll… I’ll talk to him,” Minho said, shoulders slumping. Jeongin nodded mutely, inching closer to lean his head on Minho’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”   
  
“Don’t be,” Jeongin said, letting out a sigh. “I know why… I just, you know,” he mumbled. “I wish things were different.”   
  
“Me too,” Minho whispered, staring out over the blue water. The setting sun was reflecting of Jeongin’s aqua blue scales and Minho’s own pearly white scales. “Me too.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I feel like I'm suffocating,_

_drowning._

 

 

 

 

 

 

The tunnel to Felix’s cave was truly breathtaking and Minho always enjoyed going there. He didn’t go there a lot, because it wasn’t any air pockets until halfway through the tunnel and Minho didn’t enjoy being without air for too long. Beside, having a feathertail and maneuver through small tunnels didn’t work that great either all the time. Felix and Jeongin had it a lot easier with their more narrow tails.

“Hey,” he said as he broke the surface to the pool. Felix whipped his head around, staring at Minho with wide eyes. “I… I just want to talk,” he said, swimming closer to the edge of the pool. He heaved himself up and looked over at Felix, who was still staring at him. “I know we haven’t… talked… in a few days… that one’s on me.”   
  
“No we… haven’t,” Felix said slowly, sitting up on the edge of the pool on the opposite side of Minho. “I’m… I’ve been a little busy…”   
  
Minho remained silent for a moment, staring down at his tail and his fins. “I’m… I’m sorry Felix,” he finally said, heaving a heavy sigh. “I shouldn’t have overreacted and said all the things I said. I was… I was worried. It’s not like I’m trying to mock you for… for your fin… you know I’m not mocking you, right?”   
  
Felix sighed, shoulders slumping and the fins at the side of his head twitched. He looked down, playfully wiggling his fins to the jellyfish around him and Minho felt a small smile stretch his lips as the jellies let out a small squeak. 

“I know you don’t…” Felix finally said, glancing up at Minho. “I just… I really like Jisung… he… he makes me happy and… I got upset. He’s a good guy…” he looked down again, fiddling with his fingers. “He’s not like… them…” he whispered, barely audible and Minho clenched his jaw. “Can you… can you please give him a chance before hating him?”   
  
“I’ll…” Minho bit his lower lip, looking down at the jellies before looking back up on Felix. “I’ll give Josing a chance. But I make no promises. I just want… I just want you to be safe, okay?”

“I know,” Felix said, getting back down into the water again. He swam over to Minho and looked up at him, his eyes wide, bright and golden. “And his name is Jisung, please don’t call him Josing when he can hear you.”   
  
Minho sighed, lowering himself into the water. He opened his arms, letting Felix hug him. “I make no promises,” he said and Felix laughed, pressing his nose into Minho’s shoulder. “I am really sorry though, I didn’t mean it in the way you thought, I just..”   
  
“Don’t trust humans,” Felix finished for him and Minho sighed, tightening his grip around Felix. “I know… I know…”   
  
“Be careful, okay?” Minho said and Felix just nodded, nose still pressed into Minho’s shoulder. “I don’t… I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’ll be careful,” Felix mumbled and Minho nodded. 

They stayed like that for a moment, just hugging each other in silence. Minho treasured Felix. He remembered the day his parents had brought home Felix’s egg. It had been battered and bruised and his parents told Minho not to be too hopeful, because the egg might not hatch. But Minho clearly remembered telling his parents that the egg was going to hatch.   
  
Minho had told everyone they knew that he was going to be a big brother and that he loved his younger sibling. He was sure the egg was going to hatch. Two days after bringing it home, Felix’s egg hatched.    
  
Felix wasn’t like Minho. He didn’t have the same ears, he didn’t have the shallow gills on his neck or even the same frills and multiple fins Minho had. He was small, a golden scaled tail with pointed fins, one being torn and pieces of it missing, fins at the side of his head instead of ears and a sprinkle of freckles all over his face. Minho didn’t mind that Felix didn’t look like him, sure he was a bit disappointed because a mini version of himself would be cool, but Felix was cute too.

“Hey,” Felix said, snapping Minho out of his daze. He blinked a few times, focusing his eyes on Felix. “Are you okay? I sort of lost you for a moment there.”

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Minho said, waving a hand dismissively. “Jeongin told me you’ve been practicing magic,” he continued, changing subject. He felt Felix tense up for a second before letting go of him and moving away a bit. “Look, I’m…” he took a deep breath. “I’m not gonna say anything about… your human… if that has anything to do with it.”   
  
“It’s not only because of him,” Felix said quietly, his eyes avoiding Minho’s and Minho nodded. “But he has showed me things from his world that I… That I want to see with my own eyes… and I… I don’t want to be alone when you and Jeongin go to visit Jinnie... “ he sighed and Minho nodded slowly.   
  
“How’s the magic coming along then?” he asked, deciding not to talk about the Josing, Jusong or whatever. Felix blinked at him, looked down and then back up.   
  
“I… Pretty good I guess? I just can’t get the hand movements right,” he said and Minho nodded, brows furrowed.   
  
“Want me to show you?” he asked and Felix widened his eyes. Minho sighed and rolled his eyes. “I’m just trying to be a good older brother, don’t look so surprised,” he said, ruffling Felix’s wet hair. “Now, do you want me to show you or not?”

“I’d… I’d like that,” Felix said quietly, small smile on his lips. Minho nodded and moved to sit up on the edge of the pool again, to free his hands and be able to show Felix how it would be done. Felix sat beside him, watching intently as Minho showed him the correct movements.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_One day,_

_I wish to be free_

_from all my struggles._

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Felix said he would try and get legs today,” Jeongin said and Minho snapped his head up to stare at him. The bettas he were feeding were beginning to nibble on his fingers and he looked down, opening his hands to give them their food before looking back up at Jeongin.   
  
“He didn’t tell me,” he grumbled and Jeongin just shrugged. “I thought he would tell me.”   
  
“Maybe he just forgot,” Jeongin said and Minho sighed. “I just know because I happened to run into him. He was in his cave and I was just going to make sure the clownfish around the cave coral was okay. I mean it’s been a few hours since then so I guess he made it? Or he’s hiding somewhere.”   
  
“I see,” Minho said, looking back at the bettas. Felix probably forgot to tell them in his hurry and excitement, but Minho still felt a little sad that he didn’t think of telling them. 

“Don’t… He didn’t mean anything,” Jeongin said, reaching out to poke one of the bettas. “He was in a hurry when I met him so. Don’t think too much about it.”   
  
“I won’t, I won’t,” Minho said, turning around. “I’m just... I’m gonna go sunbathing. I’ll talk to Felix when he gets back.” 

“Okay,” Jeongin said, worry lacing his tone. “I’ll see you later.”   
  
“Say hi to Dottie and Buster for me, okay?” Minho called over his shoulder, turning around so he could see Jeongin as he swam away. Jeongin just nodded, smile on his lips but Minho could see the worry in his eyes. “Don’t worry about me, yeah?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_But then,_

_you appeared._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jeongin should be worried. But not about Minho. He should be worried for Jisung. Not that Minho was thinking of drowning him or anything… He just wanted to talk.   
  
He had originally thought of waiting for Felix to bring him to meet Jisung, but it seemed like he had to take the matter into his own hands.

Dark hair, piercings, tattoos and a 3racha shirt.    
  
Minho knew the townsfolk. It wasn’t like he was living under a rock or something. He occasionally went into town and stayed with Jinnie for a few days. Tattoos and piercings wasn’t something that these townsfolk were really into. So finding Jisung wouldn’t be that hard.

He decided to check on the docks in the north end of town first. They were a bit secluded but more likely for someone to go than the abandoned docks. Those things were falling apart and no one would ever step onto those things.

As he got closer to the northern docks, he could see someone sitting by the larger rocks, sitting on top of a smooth, man made shelf in the stone. The shelf itself wasn’t very high up and not very suited to sit and rest. A tide could come in at any time and sweep whoever was sitting there back into the ocean.

Minho swam closer, keeping his eyes just above the surface to be able to see the person sitting there. They had their head bowed down, looking at something in their lap. When he got close enough, he could see the print on the black shirt. 3racha. He narrowed his eyes, gaze locking on the tattoo on his forearm.

This had to be him.

“So,” Minho said, placing his arms on the edge of the shelf. The human snapped his head up, eyes wide. He was kind of cute, Minho would give him that. He looked tired, bags under his eyes and his curly hair was a tousled mess. “You must be a dumbass.”   
  
The human just continued to stare at him and Minho raised an eyebrow. He took this moment of silence to study the human’s face further. He had two piercings just below his lower lip and one in his eyebrow. It made him look good.    
  
“Listen,” Minho said, sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose. “I would love to see you drown, but sitting here is really dangerous. You might want to move.”

“Are you a siren?” the human finally said and Minho frowned. What the actual fuck? “Because I would let you drown me.”   
  
Now Minho wasn’t one to be at loss of words, but in this very moment, he was at loss of words. He just stared at the human, eyes wide and jaw slack. “Are you high?” he finally asked. “No wait,” he held up his hands before the human could answer. “Are you Josing?”   
  
“Uh… I assume you mean Jisung and no?” the human said and Minho cursed. “I’m Chan?”   
  
“Ah fuck me,” Minho groaned, sinking down in the water before surfacing again. “Do you know where I can find him?” he asked, rubbing his temples.

“Who are you again?” the human, Chan, asked and Minho sighed, heaving himself out of the water. “Oh hold on, you must be Minho. If you’re out for Jisung.”   
  
“How did you know?” Minho asked, eyes narrowing. 

“Jisung has voiced concerns about Felix’s older brother, Minho,” Chan said and Minho raised an eyebrow. Okay so he had struck fear into Jisung without meeting him. Good. “I just assumed that a merboy that’s not Felix, asking for Jisung would be Minho.” Minho hummed, looking the human over again. “Am I wrong?”   
  
“No, you’re not,” he said and Chan offered him a wide smile, showcasing his dimples. Okay. This human was okay, Minho decided. “Do you know Jisung? I would need to talk to him.”   
  
“I mean,” Chan began, closing the notebook in his lap. “If you, like Felix, can get legs I could… uh, bring you to our cabin? I… I don’t think I can help you with getting Jisung to the water. He seems pretty scared that you’ll drown him.”   
  
“I’m not gonna drown him,” Minho said, which wasn’t really a lie. “I just… really need to see him and just…” He sighed. 

“I… I don’t know,” Chan said and Minho narrowed his eyes. “I don’t think I can trust you… yet.”   
  
“You know what,” Minho sneered. “Forget it. I hope the tide gets you.” He gave Chan a last pointed look before diving back into the ocean. 

He sighed as he began to make his way out to his spot. He took his time swimming there, thinking everything through. He didn’t really understand why he got so worked up. Felix didn’t come to see him to either tell him about him finally trying to get legs or even brought him to see Jisung. Sure, it was something to be a bit upset about but he was just extremely worked up. Not being able to reach Felix just seemed to have pushed him over the edge.

When he reached the rock he quickly went up again and blinked rapidly as tears welled up in his eyes. He didn’t know how to feel or what he was even feeling. He felt sad, angry, betrayed, left out.    
  
He didn’t want to be the mean older brother that Felix had to sneak around. He never intended to be that kind of brother. He really just wanted to be a good older brother, protect Felix, but… but things didn’t work out.    
  
He sighed, looking out over the ocean. Nibbles on his tail suddenly ripped him out of his own thoughts and he looked down in the water. Around his colorful feathertail, hiding among the branching, were a few bettas. They were playfully swimming around, flaring their tiny fins up at him. 

A wide smile replaced the previous pursed lips as he saw that it was the small band of dumbo ears bettas. These were the most playful ones of the bettas following him.    
  
“Oh hello,” he cooed to the fish below, playfully wiggling the tail fin before flaring it out, surprising all the small bettas. “How are you today?” he asked, giggling when the fish nibbled on his fin. “Good? Ah that’s nice,” he said, sinking down into the water to be able to be on eye level with the fish. “Oh you’re so cute,” he said, poking the brown betta with huge white dumbo fins. It wasn’t very big, probably a young one. “Did you just adopt them?”

A bigger, purple betta swam up to Minho’s face and began nibbling on his earlobe. Minho giggled, trying to pull away but another fish came up on the other side of him, rubbing itself against the gills on Minho’s neck, the fins tickling him.   
  
“Did Jeongin send you?” he asked but none of them seemed to be interested in giving him an answer. Maybe Jeongin didn’t send them after all. “Why did you come here?” he asked, reaching out his hand to let the bunch of youngsters play with his hands. “Did you just know that I… I needed some company?” he asked and the small brown and white betta did a little loop in the water.  
  
He didn’t say anything else, he just remained there, playing with the bettas.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_You, my sunshine,_

_giving me hope._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The day after the run in he had with Chan, Minho returned to the northern shore. Felix didn’t return last night. Not that he returned every night to the reef, sometimes he stayed in his own cave and on top of that, Felix had a completely different sleep cycle than Jeongin and Minho. But Minho had expected him to return and tell them all about what happened.    
  
So he went to the northern shore with the hope to see either Chan or Jisung and Felix. Preferably it would be Felix, but Chan would do too. If he met Chan, maybe Chan had some updates on Felix. 

He slowly approached the cliff shelf where Chan had been yesterday, trying to keep his eyes out for humans. The shore was empty and it calmed Minho a little. He didn’t want to risk a human that wasn’t Chan or Jisung see him. Not like this anyway. 

He got up on the shelf, looking at the water around him. The water level was a bit higher today and the shelf was under about five centimeters of water. Minho sighed happily as he leaned back on his hands, soaking in the sun. He could at least take the time to sunbathe while he waited for someone to show up.    
  
The bettas didn’t seem to follow him, understandable, because Minho didn’t have any fish nibbling on his fins.

“Considering how you left yesterday,” a familiar voice, Chan, said and Minho cracked an eye open, looking up at Chan. He was wearing blue shorts and a white 3racha shirt today, instead of a black one. Was 3racha clothes all this boy owned? “I didn’t think you would come back,” he said, sitting down beside Minho.    
  
“Your pants got wet,” Minho pointed out, both eyebrows raised. 

“It’s swimming trunks,” Chan said, grin stretching his lips and Minho narrowed his eyes. He didn’t like those dimples. They made him… feel things. “They’re supposed to be wet.”

Minho didn’t say anything, he just looked at Chan.   
  
“Anyway,” Chan continued, clearing his throat. “Why are you here?”   
  
“I was hoping to find you actually,” Minho said after a heartbeat of silence, a sigh slipping past his lips. Chan looked surprised but nodded slowly, waiting for Minho to continue. “Did Felix… did he stay with Jisung tonight? How did it go? Is he okay?”   
  
“Oh… oh yeah he was over at our place yesterday,” Chan said and Minho nodded, biting his lips. “He had legs, seemed to be fine, he was a bit unstable on his feet.” Minho bit back a small, fond smile as he tried to imagine Felix with legs. He felt a bit sad that he missed it, because it had been precious to see. “He’s fine and happy. Jisung is taking him for ice cream today.”   
  
“Okay good,” Minho said, beginning to slip off the cliff shelf and back into the water. “Thanks.”   
  
“Wait,” Chan said and Minho stopped, turning his head to look at Chan. “Was that all?” he asked and Minho blinked.    
  
“Yeah? Why?”   
  
“No I don’t…” Chan trailed off, clearing his throat. “I don’t know, maybe you wanted to… to talk maybe?”   
  
“Do you want to talk?” Minho asked and he could see the tips of Chan’s ears turning pink. “I mean,” he got back to sit on the shelf. “If you want to talk, I guess I can… lend an ear. You seem decent enough.”   
  
“Wow I take that as a compliment,” Chan said, leaning back a little with a hand over his heart. “I didn’t have anything special to talk about… just… I told Felix that you came to see me, mistaking me for Jisung.” Minho hummed, eyes narrowed at Chan and nodded. “He said you were… lonely and might need someone to talk to.”   
  
“That’s nice of him,” Minho said, jaw clenched. He didn’t know how to feel about this. Happy because Felix was still caring about him or embarrassed because Felix thought he was alone. “Just to clarify, I’m not that lonely. Okay?”    
  
“Okay?” Chan said, not looking completely convinced and Minho just squinted at him. “Listen I don’t judge. I just have Changbin and Jisung, no other friends except them, so if anyone’s lonely, it’s me.”   
  
Minho didn’t really have anyone but Jeongin, Felix and half a Jinnie. Jinnie wasn’t around that often and since Minho didn’t like going up on land, they didn’t meet that often.

“So,” Minho said, leaning back on his hands and looking Chan over. “What do you want to talk about?” he asked and Chan grinned again.   
  
“Don’t know,” he said, shrugging. He fell silent for a moment before opening his mouth again. “Do you like music?”   
  
“I do,” Minho replied. “We don’t have the same kind of music as you, but we have some music… and I… and I go to the human world sometimes and when I do, I listen to some of your music.”   
  
“How do you like the music we have then?” Chan asked, his pierced eyebrow raised and a small smile on his face.    
  
“It’s…” Minho cleared his throat. “It’s okay,” he finally said and Chan laughed.   
  
“Only okay?”   
  
“I haven’t… found anything I really like.” He shrugged. It wasn’t entirely a lie. He hadn’t found any music he really liked, but there were some good music out there though. Not that he was going to admit that.

“I have some good music recommendations,” Chan said. “If you want recommendations that is.”   
  
“Sure,” Minho said, shrugging again. “I mean I probably have to come out of the water because I don’t trust electronics near water.”

“Fair point. Do you...” Chan trailed off, clearing his throat. “Do you want to… maybe come over? I’m sure Felix is at our cabin, or at least will be at some point.”   
  
Minho narrowed his eyes. Chan seemed… Chan seemed okay and he was living with the guy who had swooped Felix off his feet… This could be Minho’s chance to see Felix. Who knew when that boy would get back. He was completely in love with Jisung so Minho guessed he wasn’t coming back for a few days at least, not when he could spend his whole days with Jisung. 

After weighing the pros and cons, Minho finally nodded. “Sure,” he said, trying to keep his tone as flat as possible.   
  
“You sure?” Chan asked and Minho nodded again, his eyes still trained on Chan. “If you… if you don’t want to it’s fine. I mean Felix said you weren’t fond of humans and going on land…”   
  
Minho sighed, rubbing his face. “Did he say anything else about me?”   
  
“Just that you were lonely, didn’t like humans and had a good heart and that he loves you,” Chan said and Minho gave him a pointed look, half believing that Chan added the last part by himself just to make Minho feel better. He seemed like that kind of person. “I’m not lying about that last part.”

“Okay…” Minho trailed off. “Do you want to wait here while I go and get some clothes or do you want to meet me by the cave opening?”   
  
“The cave opening is fine,” Chan said, shrugging. “Just point it out and I’ll wait there.”   
  
“If you just walk along this shore, past the split rock and the few palm trees, there’s another cliff. If you just wait by that cliff, I’ll be there in about 20 minutes.”   
  
Chan nodded, gave Minho a last wide smile before standing up and Minho got back into the water. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Gently to rest in your palm,_

_and there,_

_in the warmth of your hand I’ll die_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This one cave wasn’t like Felix’s cave was big and dark, completely sealed within the mountain. This cave had a portion of the roof, right above the pool, missing and the sun shone through and lit the whole cavern. It was smaller but that didn’t really matter. This cave was just for Minho and a few other merfolks from the colony to leave their clothes and other things if they ever needed to go to the human world. Because transforming on the beach and then walking through town wasn’t a good idea. 

Minho had only left a pair of shorts, a simple white t-shirt and black sneakers and he sighed as he got dressed. He should have left something else, something more fashionable. He brushed his wet bangs out of his forehead. He had more clothes at Jinnie’s place, he would have to stop by and get some.    
  
He slowly got dressed, looking down at his feet. He didn’t like this. Chan seemed nice, sure, but he didn’t like going to the human world. He had visited Jinnie once in the last two years. But he needed to see Felix and he needed to talk to Jisung and he was a bit intrigued to listen to what music Chan wanted to recommend.

It had been too long since he had been here. He walked through the tunnels, worried he wouldn’t really remember the layout of the place it seemed like he was on the right route. He finally breathed a sigh of relief as he could see the tunnel opening up in front of him.   
  
“Hey,” Chan said as Minho exited the cave. He was sitting on a rock, notebook in his lap and pen in his hand.   
  
“What are you writing?” Minho asked, tilting his head and Chan’s expression brightened.   
  
“It’s lyrics,” he said and Minho nodded slowly. “I don’t know how much Felix told you, but Jisung, Changbin and I make music.”   
  
“He didn’t tell me that,” Minho lied. Felix… tried to tell him something like that, but Minho hadn’t been interested in listening. Maybe he should have listened. “But… that’s cool. Is it hard to make music?”

“Well,” Chan began as he stood up, closing his notebook. “It’s hard to get into the market and actually get money for the music but we’re getting there. The actual process is… not that difficult once you get a hang of it.”   
  
“That’s cool,” Minho mumbled and Chan hummed.   
  
“I’ll… I’ll bring you to our cabin and I can show you some music? Is that okay?” he asked and Minho nodded. “Good, follow me then,” he said, walking ahead of Minho and Minho just trailed off.   


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Pull me under,_

_drown me._

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minho knew that Chan, Changbin and Jisung were only staying here for a while and he had expected that their cabin would be more of a vacation house. But as he entered, he was surprised to find that it was like a house. It was very similar to Jinnie’s house. 

“Hello?” Chan called out as they entered, apparently through the backdoor. “I didn’t have the key,” he said sheepishly and Minho frowned. “We don’t lock our backdoor… usually.”

“Hey,” someone said as they walked through the kitchen, out to what seemed like the living room. “Chan I have some beats I’d like you to listen to and- oh,” he stopped as he saw Minho. The guy had a strong chin and sleepy eyes. He, like Chan, had some piercings too, the most noticeable being the one on his lower lip, lots of them in his ears and a tattoo on the side of his neck. “Hi, I’m Changbin.”   
  
“Minho,” Minho said shortly and looked around the house, taking everything in.

 

“Did you bring him here to drown Jisung?” Changbin asked, an eyebrow raised. “I know Jisung is annoying but you didn’t have to be this extreme.”   
  
“I’m not here for Josing or whatever,” Minho said, narrowing his eyes and Changbin snorted. Chan just facepalmed in the corner of his eye. “Chan told me he had some music recommendations.”   
  
“You should listen to our songs,” Changbin said as he turned around. “Anyway, I’m going out.”   
  
“Good luck loverboy,” Chan said as Changbin walked out the door, calling out something like “You’re just jealous Chan!”

“Okay so that was Changbin,” Minho said and Chan nodded, just shaking his head fondly. “I like him.”

“I think you two are going to be good friends,” Chan just said, lopsided grin on his lips. “Anyway, do you want to listen to some music?”   
  
Minho nodded and Chan eagerly showed him to his room. Chan's room was neatly organized, only a few notebooks scattered on his desk and his dark blue bedsheets looked untouched. On the desk was a laptop, as well as what looked like some sort of keyboard. Minho just assumed it was equipment Chan used to make music.

Chan had a lot of music suggestions and Minho had to give it to him, he had a good taste in music. He also showed him some songs that he, Changbin and Josing had made. Those were good too and Minho secretly wished that he could bring something to listen to music along.    
  
“Can I ask something?” Chan said suddenly, looking up from his computer.    
  
“You just did,” Minho said and Chan rolled his eyes. “Sure, go ahead.”   
  
“Do you… I mean Felix said you don’t go on land often, but…” he trailed off and Minho sort of knew where he was going.   
  
“I used to go on land often,” he said and Chan nodded. “I had dance classes once a week and yeah.” He shrugged. “But I just… I had other things to attend to, my dance teacher moved out and…” he trailed off, clearing his throat. “I just find more comfort with the fish and in the water.”   
  
Chan nodded, chewing on his lips for a second. “I see,” he said and Minho nodded, averting his eyes. Chan was about to say something but then the door opened and Minho could hear Felix laughing. He shot up on his feet and Chan stood up as well. 

 

“I guess they went on a date,” Chan commented as he made his way out to the living room again, Minho trailing behind.   
  
“Hey Cha-” the guy who was standing in the living room, the one Felix was clinging to, had black hair, a white 3racha shirt, a white cap, round cheeks, his nose pierced and like the other two, ears with multiple piercings. Minho narrowed his eyes. Josing.    
  
“Minho?” Felix asked, letting go of Jisung. “How- what- uhm… oh jeez.”   
  
“You didn’t come home yesterday, at all,” Minho said, turning his attention to Felix instead. “I had to make sure you were okay.” Felix rolled his eyes. “Don’t be like that. I’m just trying to be a good older brother and look after you.”   
  
“I know, I know,” Felix said, quickly padding up to Minho to hug him. Minho noticed that his balance was a bit off and he tried to catch Felix as quickly as he could, not wanting him to walk without support for too long. “I’m just surprised you’re here.”   
  
“I’m impressed that you made it,” Minho mumbled, hugging Felix close. He ruffled Felix’s blond hair, the feeling completely different now that Felix’s hair was dry. Felix’s hair were never completely dry, always wet or half dry. “How did it go?”   
  
“I could get the hand movements right thanks to you,” Felix whispered. “But… I’m missing a few toes.”   
  
“That happens,” Minho said as Felix let him go. Minho inspected Felix’s elbows and shoulders, running his fingers over the scales there. “Some things just transfers with the transformation. You did great kiddo.”   
  
Felix beamed, the muted glow of his eyes and freckles picking up and Minho grinned. It was nice to see the glow remaining even if Felix was human. “Your scales are still here too,” Felix said and ran his hands over the scales on Minho’s forearms.    
  
“Can’t get them to disappear,” Minho said, shrugging and Felix grinned.   
  
“Anyway,” Felix said, clearing his throat. “Minho, this is my boyfriend Jisung,” he continued, gesturing to Jisung who was standing behind him, fiddling with his fingers. He looked insanely nervous and Minho heard Chan chuckling behind him. “Jisung, this is my older brother Minho.”   
  
“Hi Josing,” Minho said, holding out his hand. “It’s a shame we haven’t met earlier.”   
  
Jisung looked flustered, his ears pink and his hand was shaking slightly as he took Minho’s hand. “My name is actually J-Jisung and uhm, it’s nice to meet you,” he said and Minho couldn’t hold back the small grin on his lips. 

“Please don’t scare him,” Felix said just as Chan said, “Minho’s nice Jisung, don’t worry.”   
  
Everyone just stopped and looked at Chan.   
  
“You think he’s nice?” Felix asked.   
  
“You think I’m nice?” Minho asked.   
  
“He’s not gonna drown me?” Jisung asked.

Chan just shook his head, smile on his lips. “Anyone want coffee?” he asked and Minho nodded mutely, just looking at Chan as he made his way to the kitchen. “And yes I think Minho’s quite nice. He’s not gonna drown you Jisung.”   
  
“I would like to have a word with you though,” Minho said, giving Jisung a pointed look. Jisung’s eyes shifted between Minho and Felix and Felix just nodded. “I’m not going to drown you jesus. Felix what have you told him?”   
  
“Well,” Felix cleared his throat. “Me and Jeongin may have… threatened to bring you in… you know uhm.” Minho rolled his eyes.    
  
“I tried seducing a sailor once and now suddenly I’m a siren,” he said dramatically and Felix laughed. “But really Jisung,” he said, tone serious and Jisung straightened his back. “I would like to talk to you.”

“Sure…” Jisung said slowly. “You wanna go to my room and talk?”   
  
“That works,” Minho said and Felix gave him a pointed look. “I’m gonna be nice I promise.”

“Uhm… this way,” Jisung said as he lead Minho to his room. He glanced over his shoulder, looking at Felix and when he did, a small smile spread across his lips. 

Jisung’s room was much like Chan’s. Since they weren’t living here but renting the house, it wasn’t very personalized. But Minho could still see the difference in personalities in the room. Jisung’s bed was unmade, he had a few clothes scattered on the floor and his desk was covered in papers and notebooks. 

“Have you ever written a song for Felix?” Minho asked as he entered the room and looked around. Jisung quickly pulled the covers over the bed and pulled out the office chair. When Minho asked him the question, he looked up with wide eyes and his cheeks were slowly becoming pink.   
  
“I…” he coughed, embarrassed. “Not like a done song or anything but I’ve… written some things.”   
  
“That’s cute,” Minho said and Jisung bit his lip, sitting down on the bed and gesturing for Minho to sit down on the office chair. “Listen,” he began as he sat down. “I’m not gonna yell at you, drown you or whatever you think,” he said and Jisung nodded. The poor kid looked terrified. “You make Felix happy and I… I’m not always a good older brother and sometimes I do things backwards. But as long as Felix is happy, I’m happy and as long as you make him happy… I’m not gonna do anything.”

Jisung stared at Minho, not saying anything.    
  
“I just want to tell you…” he trailed off and rubbed the scales on his forearm. He couldn’t believe he was about to say this. “Thank you Jisung.”   
  
Jisung’s jaw dropped and Minho rolled his eyes. “Close your mouth. I’m thanking you because you… you brought Felix out of his shell. You gave him something to be happy about.”   
  
“He… he wasn’t happy earlier?” Jisung asked and Minho sighed, shaking his head a little. 

“He was… he was okay but… you know about his fins right?” Jisung nodded. “They’re the reason he still lives here. Sure my parents took him in and we raised him, but his fins aren’t strong enough to manage the currents in the deep so he can’t go back to a colony where he would be more comfortable. He was lonely. So… thank you.”   
  
Jisung remained silent for a second. “No problem,” he said and Minho smiled softly. “I really… really like Felix and I want to make him happy, keep him happy, be with him…”   
  
“That makes me happy,” Minho said, still smiling. “It makes me really happy.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I struggle,_

_I struggle,_

_I struggle._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minho was sitting at the front porch with Chan, coffee cup in his hand as he looked at Jisung and Felix on the beach below.   
  
“They’re cute,” Chan said and Minho hummed as he took a sip of his coffee. He had to give it to the humans. Coffee was an amazing invention. Maybe he should come back on land more often for coffee.   
  
“They are,” Minho agreed and glanced over at Chan who just grinned. “Can I ask you something?”   
  
“You just did,” Chan said, shiteating grin on his lips and Minho rolled his eyes. He deserved that. “But go ahead.”   
  
“Why did you… open up to me so quickly?” he asked and Chan raised both eyebrows, looking surprised. “I’m not really the friendliest.”   
  
“I heard Felix talk about you and meeting you again after knowing a bit more about you… I don’t know… I just think there’s a big and soft heart somewhere beneath everything,” he said and Minho just stared at him. “And beside, you’re Felix family. It would be rude of me not to open up to you. I feel bad for not bringing you along yesterday but Jisung has been a nervous wreck about meeting you.”   
  
“Understandable,” Minho said, sipping his coffee and Chan laughed.   
  
“You’re not making it easy for him,” he said and Minho just shrugged, raising an eyebrow. They looked back down at Felix and Jisung. The two of them were indeed cute. Jisung was helping Felix with the balance and they were in the process of running back and forth in the sand.

“They’re like children,” Minho said fondly and Chan hummed. “I hate to say it, but they’re a good match.”   
  
“They are,” Chan agreed, holding back a laugh when Jisung fell face first in the sand. “You’d think it’s Jisung who just got his legs. He’s like Bambi.”   
  
“Bambi?” Minho asked, confused. “What’s that?”   
  
“It’s a children's movie,” Chan said, laughing. “I’ll show you sometime.”   
  
“That sounds good,” Minho said, drinking more of his coffee. “I’ll remember that promise.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I'm not giving up,_

_not with you on my side._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I can’t believe you went to see Jisung and Chan and Changbin and you didn’t bring me,” Jeongin sulked as he tailed after Minho and Felix. They were making their way to the cabin and had decided to introduce Jeongin to Chan and Changbin. “I feel betrayed.”   
  
“Stop being so dramatic,” Felix said and Minho rolled his eyes. “We’re bringing you along now, right?”   
  
“I want you to repay me,” Jeongin said and Minho rubbed his temples. “I want ice cream.”   
  
“Stop being so bratty,” Minho said jokingly and Jeongin whined.   
  
“For that comment, I demand ice cream.”   
  
Minho reached over and ruffled Jeongin’s black hair. “I’ll buy you some ice cream kiddo.”

Felix just shook his head, linking his arm with Minho’s for some support as they made their way to the cabin. As they got closer, they could see all three of them sitting at the front porch, eating dinner probably.   
  
“Felix!” Jisung called as he spotted the three of them. Minho could feel Felix’s grip loosen on his arm but he didn’t leave Minho’s side. It was as if he wanted to run towards Jisung but didn’t trust his legs enough to do it.    
  
“Hey,” Felix said when they reached the porch. “We brought Jeongin today,” he continued and Jeongin waved his hand.   
  
“Hi!” he said, grinning widely and Minho couldn’t help but reach out and pinch Jeongin’s cheek.    
  
“Hi Jeongin,” Chan said, moving to stand up. He walked up to Jeongin and held out a hand. “It’s nice to meet you, I’m Chan.”   
  
Jeongin stared at the hand for a second and Minho leaned closer. “You shake it,” he stage whispered and Chan chuckled. Jeongin flushed, his ears pink as he held out his hand to timidly shake Chan’s hand. 

“Your piercings are cooler than Jisung’s,” Jeongin said. Felix choked. Jisung sputtered. Changbin snorted. Minho cackled. Chan smiled.   
  
“Thank you,” he said and Minho stared at him. He really needed to do something about those dimples. They were getting too much.   
  
“I like you,” Changbin said, walking up to Jeongin as well. “I’m Changbin.” He held out his hand and Jeongin happily shook it. “You’re cute.”   
  
Jeongin laughed, his ears turning pink.   
  
“I have a question,” Changbin continued and all three merboys looked at him. “Why do you all still have scales when you’re… human?”   
  
“Partly human,” Minho corrected him and he just shrugged. “But valid question. Well, we are still merfolks. No matter how much magic we have, we can’t become human. We can get legs as a survival thing, but there will still be telltale signs of what we are,” he explained and Changbin nodded slowly. “Scales,” he said, pointing at Jeongin’s neck. “They can be anywhere but it’s only patches here and there.” The humans all nodded. They looked genuinely interested so Minho figured he’d just keep going on the telltale signs of merfolk. “Or the webbed hands,” he continued, gently grabbing Felix’s hand to hold it up. His hands weren’t as webbed as they usually was, but there was a slight webbing. “Or maybe something that indicates that there has been gills,” he continued, pointing at his own neck. Jeongin didn’t get these faint, pink lines on his neck where his gills usually was, but Minho got two thin lines on each side of his neck. They weren’t that visible if you didn’t know about them.

“Oh,” Changbin said, suddenly looking thoughtful and Minho tilted his head. “Is vibrant eyes a thing you merfolk has going on too?” he asked and Minho cocked an eyebrow.    
  
“Sometimes,” he said, looking at Jeongin and then back at Changbin. “Not always but sometimes yes. The color tend to be more muted when we… when we get legs,” he said, pointing at his own eyes. “They’re usually clearer and brighter-”   
  
“Like silver!” Jeongin piped in. “It’s pretty when the sun reflects on his scales and then his eyes. Like a prism!”   
  
“Thank you Jeongin,” Minho said, patting Jeongin on the head. “But as you see, they’re dark gray brown now.” Changbin nodded, looking like he was really deep in thoughts.

“Thank you,” he said. “If you excuse me, I have to do something,” he continued, quickly turning around and walked back into the house. Everyone looked after him and Minho looked at Chan with a curious look.   
  
Chan just shrugged. “I don’t know what’s with him,” he said.   
  
“Maybe troubles in paradise?” Jisung said and Jeongin frowned.   
  
“What does that mean?” he asked and Jisung looked at him, confused look on his face. “I don’t know half of the things you humans talk about please tell me!” he whined.

“Anyway,” Chan said, ignoring Jeongin with a grin, clasping his hands together. “Should we go and collect some seashells?” he asked and both he and Minho bit back a grin when the other three cheered. “Seashells it is then,” Chan said as Felix moved to link arms with Jisung and Minho joined Chan. 

As they walked down to the beach, Jeongin ran in front of them while Felix and Jisung fell behind Minho and Chan. Minho just chuckled as he kept his gaze on Jeongin.

 

“He’s cute,” Chan said and Minho hummed. “Did he already know how to get legs? I know Felix said something that he was late with learning how to get legs.”   
  
“Yeah Jeongin has known how to… how to do it for quite some time,” Minho said as he stepped down in the sand. “He was really eager to come and see your house,” he continued and Chan laughed.   
  
“It’s nothing special,” Chan said, shrugging. “It’s just… our plain, human world.”   
  
“To him and Felix it’s another world,” Minho commented, smiling widely. “They’re amazed by everything. Even the cabin.   
  
“You’re not very impressed by it,” Chan noted and Minho just snorted, shaking his head.   
  
“It’s a house.” Chan laughed and genly bumped his shoulder with Minho’s, but he let go of the subject. Minho was about to open his mouth so say something but Jeongin interrupted him.

“Minho!” Jeongin called as he leaned down and picked up a seashell. He was about a hundred meters away from Minho and Chan. How in the hell did he get that far so quickly? “Come here!”   
  
“I’m coming Jeongin!” he called back, glancing over at Chan who just smiled back at him.    
  
“Hurry!”

Minho shook his head and began to jog up to Jeongin. The sand made running much harder and the hundred meters felt like so much more and Minho winced at the small bang of pain in his lungs. Jeongin stared at Minho with wide eyes as Minho reached him. Minho just smiled at him, a tight lipped smile as he tried to catch his breath.   
  
“Are you okay?” Jeongin whispered and Minho shook his head. “I’m sorry… I forgot.”   
  
“It’s fine,” Minho said, patting Jeongin on the shoulders. “What did you find?” he asked, placing a hand on his chest. 

“Look!” Jeongin said excitedly as he held up a fairly large seashell. It was white and blush pink. “Isn’t it pretty?” he asked and Minho just nodded, big smile on his face.   
  
“Oh that’s real pretty,” Chan said as he joined Minho’s side, looking at the shell. “Treasure it.”   
  
“Always,” Jeongin grinned. 

“Hey!” Jisung called and the three of them looked over at Felix and Jisung. Jisung was holding a frisbee in his hand, waving it in the air. “Wanna play frisbee?” he asked and Jeongin cheered excitingly.   
  
Minho hadn’t had this fun in a long time. He had never played frisbee before but it turned out to be so much fun. Jeongin was running after the frisbee, laughing so loudly and Felix was running too, balance seemingly fine. He was stumbling, falling in the sand but laughing all the time.

It made Minho happy. To see his brothers this happy. 

Chan and Jisung seemed to have fun too. For their cool outer appearance, they seemed to be just balls of fluff and happiness. Minho chuckled as Jisung, once again, fell with his face first in the sand.    
  
He didn’t even notice how exhausted he was getting until his lungs stung. He tried biting back the pain, doubling over as he tried to catch his breath.   
  
“You okay?” Chan asked, placing a hand on Minho’s shoulder. 

“Peachy,” Minho said, out of breath and he grimaced as his breathing was making wheezing sounds. “Don’t worry,” he continued, wincing at the stinging pain in his lungs. He looked up at Chan. Chan looked worried, but he didn’t push the matter further.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I fight for my brothers,_

_I fight for myself._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minho wasn’t blind or stupid. He knew Chan was exhausted most of the times they met. He knew Chan was trying to not sleep. He didn’t know why, but he knew Chan tried hiding from it. The human was almost always seen with a coffee in his hand or something to keep him busy.   
  
“Jisung,” Minho said, staring as Chan who was dozing off on the couch, sitting with his head tilted to the side. It didn’t look that comfortable and Chan would probably be in pain when he woke up.   
  
“Yeah?” Jisung said, looking up from his notebook. Minho glanced over at him and furrowed his brows. Jisung was probably writing sappy poetry over Felix. Gross.   
  
“Why does…” he trailed off, chewing on his lower lip. “Maybe I should ask Chan. But I’m… I’m curious. Why does Chan avoid sleeping?”   
  
Jisung froze, staring wide eyed at Minho then looking at Chan. He ran a hand through his dark hair and sighed.    
  
“Chan… he… well he has nightmares…” Jisung finally said, shoulders slumping and Minho frowned, looking between Jisung and the now sleeping Chan. “He… he has a lot of responsibilities and he has a lot of things that he doesn’t talk about…” he continued, sighing again.   
  
“Not even with you?” Minho asked and Jisung just shook his head. “Aren’t you like… brothers?” he continued, narrowing his eyes. That was the impression he had gotten from Jisung and Changbin and how Chan talked about them.   
  
“He doesn’t…” Jisung sighed again, stood up to go to the counter and get a glass of water. “I don’t know. I think he doesn’t want to bother us with his struggles.”

Minho bit his lip, looking back at Chan who was sleeping soundly, soft snores slipping past his parted lips. He somehow understood where Chan came from and why he kept everything bottled up. 

“You’re not really brothers are you?” Minho asked and Jisung shook his head, taking a sip of his water.    
  
“No but… Chan took me and Changbin in,” he said and Minho nodded. “I was… kicked out by my parents and so was Changbin, Chan was there to catch us. I’m forever grateful to him and I just…” he sighed again, rubbing the back of his neck. “I wish he would talk to me. I may not be able to do much… but I can always listen. He always listens to me, I want to give something back.”   
  
“You…” Minho sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “You’re a good person Jisung.”   
  
Jisung looked up, eyes wide and then a smile stretched his lips. “Thank you,” he said. “I try my best.”

Minho nodded and looked back at Chan. Chan had a problem talking to his younger brothers and Minho knew that feeling. Maybe Chan would… talk to him. Maybe. Hopefully.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Protect me,_

_from this cruel world._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hey,” Minho said as he and Chan walked along the shore. “Would you…” he chewed nervously on his bottom lip. He didn’t know why he felt so nervous. Chan just looked at him, eyebrows raised and tired eyes shining curiously. “Would you like to… take a swim… with me?”

A smile spread on Chan’s face and Minho’s heart did a little… thing… He frowned down at it before looking back up at Chan. “Sure,” Chan said and then looked down at the sea, back to his swimming trunks and then at Minho. “I already have swimming trunks on, do you… do you just want to leave your clothes somewhere?”   
  
“Yeah,” Minho said, gently grabbing Chan’s arm to pull him along. “I know a nook in the rocks over here.”   
  
Chan was just laughing as he followed Minho and Minho could feel his ears heat up. When they reached the place Minho knew, he quickly let go of Chan’s arm and began to undress. He needed to get back to the water as fast as possible and then… hide or something. 

“Do you have swimming goggles?” he asked and Chan nodded, pulling a pair out of his bag. “Okay good,” he said, averting his gaze as he undressed, placed his clothes into the nook of the cliff and went into the water to get his fin back. He quickly dove under the surface, thanking the gods for cool water and when he peeked up again, Chan was placing his stuff in the nook as well, goggles in his hand. Minho always saw Chan in shirts and he realized in this moment that this was the first time he had seen Chan without a shirt. Chan was good looking, Minho would agree on that, but that wasn’t what caught his attention.

Chan didn’t have that sleeve tattoo thing going on, like Jisung had. But he did have that dragon around his right forearm and scales stretching over this left shoulder.   
  
But what really caught Minho’s attention was the scars on the insides of both his upper arms. The lines were horizontal and jagged.    
  
“You good?” Chan asked and Minho looked up at his face.    
  
“Peachy,” he said, twisting his body so he was laying on his back. With a few lazy strokes of his tail, he began to move out towards the open sea. “You coming?”   
  
“Yeah,” Chan said, giving the ocean a glance before he followed Minho. When the water reached his waist, he placed the goggles on his head and began swimming.   
  
“Have you been swimming a lot before?”   
  
“Just on vacations,” Chan said and Minho hummed, continuing to float on his back as Chan swam beside him. “Has anyone told you your tail is gorgeous?”

Minho tensed up, forgetting the one rule for floating, and accidentally dipped his head under the surface. “I, uh well…” he said as he came back up, brushing his hair out of his forehead. “Yeah, sometimes,” he continued, focusing on his tail as he lifted the fins out of the water briefly. Chan gave it a glance before looking back at Minho.   
  
Minho coughed, twisting around again. “Okay, pull down the goggles and… uhm… just hold onto me. I think I can swim a bit faster than you,” he said, chewing nervously on his lip. Chan nodded and pulled down the goggles. It felt a bit awkward to wrap his arm around Chan but Minho just tried to push it aside.   
  
It took a while, but at last they reached Minho’s safe place.    
  
“Here you go,” he said and Chan heaved himself out of the water, sitting down on the rock. “This is… well… I’m the only one who goes here, so I get to be alone here. I… I don’t know I just… wanted to show it to you,” he said as he got up on the rock to sit beside Chan. “And I… I had a few questions and…” he rubbed his temples. Why was he so nervous? “If you feel uncomfortable I won’t press the matter and bring you back, okay? I just… I don’t know, I guess I just wanted some privacy.”   
  
“Oh,” Chan said, raising an eyebrow and tilted his head. Damn that eyebrow piercing was doing things to Minho and he didn’t like it. At. All. “Well then,” he continued, leaning back a little, resting on his arms behind him. “Go ahead and ask.”   
  
“I… what are those?” Minho finally asked, gesturing towards the scars on Chan’s arm. Chan looked down at them, gently running a hand over the scars before looking up at Minho.   
  
“Well,” he began, his tone surprisingly serious and a hint of sadness. “I… to be completely honest with you, I have depression and when I was younger I… cut myself,” he said and Minho frowned, tilting his head. This wasn’t anything he’d heard about. He didn’t know people did this. “It was a long time ago though and I’m taking meds for it so…”   
  
“So it’s good now?” Minho asked but Chan just chuckled sadly, shaking his head.   
  
“I wouldn’t say good. Better, but it’s not really good yet.”   
  
“But you don’t… cut yourself anymore?”   
  
“No,” Chan said and Minho nodded, a bit relieved. “I… well let’s just say that life changed for me when I was 18.” It sounded like he didn’t want to talk more about it so Minho just nodded again. He wouldn’t press the matter further.

“Can I ask you something else,” he mumbled, glancing up at Chan. “I… I might be prying a bit but… but you don’t sleep a lot,” he said, straightening his back and Chan stared at him for a second before nodding. “I asked Jisung and he mentioned nightmares.”   
  
Chan chuckled and shook his head before his whole expression became serious.    
  
“He’s right,” he said, sighing and his shoulders slumped.    
  
“I just thought… Changbin and Jisung are like your brothers, right?” Minho asked and Chan just nodded mutely. “And I… I know it’s tough to talk to the younger siblings because you don’t want to burden them with your problems, right?” Chan nodded again. “They’re busy being hormonal teenagers,” he said and Chan snorted, nodding a third time. “I was just thinking that maybe… maybe you just… you can just unload whatever you want, okay? I’m in the same position as you, maybe… maybe we can find a mutual understanding somewhere?”

“That’s…” Chan trailed off. “You’re awfully thoughtful and kind, you know that Minho?” he said and Minho rolled his eyes.   
  
“That wasn’t the point but thank you,” he said and Chan grinned widely.

“I just… I don’t know how much Jisung told you…” he began, grin dropping from his face and he stared out over the glistering water. 

“Not a lot,” Minho mumbled, glancing at Chan and then out over the water. “Just that you took him and Changbin in.”   
  
“Felix told me that homophobia isn’t a thing where you’re from.”   
  
“Homo what?” Minho frowned and tilted his head.   
  
“Homophobia is when… well, when people dislike homosexual people for just being homosexuals,” Chan said and Minho squinted. He didn’t really get what Chan was trying to tell him. “Homosexual is when you… like someone of the same gender as you. Other words you can use is gay, or lesbian.”   
  
“You label that?”   
  
“Yeah,” Chan said, running a hand through his wet curls. “The ‘normal’ sexuality is heterosexuality,” he continued, doing air quotations marks. “So everyone sort of… expects you to like girls if you’re a boy and boys if you’re a girl.”   
  
“That’s dumb,” Minho commented, unable to stop himself before the words slipped past his lips.   
  
Chan laughed, a quiet and humorless laugh and Minho’s heart squeezed painfully. He hadn’t seen this sad and somber Chan before and he didn’t really like it. “It is,” he agreed. “So if you… well you don’t have to. But I was 15 when I told my parents that I… that I was attracted to boys and not girls…” He sighed again, running his hand through his hair again. “My parents didn’t like it.”   
  
“Oh.”   
  
“Yeah,” Chan said, a heavy sigh slipping past his lips and he leaned his head on Minho’s shoulder. “They told me that I was… abnormal, odd, weird… they told me a lot of things and it was clear that I… they didn’t think of me as their son anymore. They told me that they would keep me in our house because… because they were nice people, but as soon as I was old enough, I would have to move.”   
  
Minho furrowed his brows, glancing down at Chan.    
  
“So for… for 3 years I didn’t really have a normal conversation with my parents. It either ended with them sneering at me, telling me how disgusting how I was, that I was never going to be successful in life or how they were just doing charity work and couldn’t wait to get rid of me.”   
  
“You know you’re not disgusting though, right?” Minho said, placing his hand on top of Chan’s. Chan let out a small, humorless laugh and Minho’s heart dropped a bit.   
  
“I just… even after moving out, their words continue to haunt me. I keep seeing them, hearing them, in my dreams…” Chan straightened his back and ruffled his hair with his free hand, his hair now a half dried curly mess. “I want to do well in life. I like working a lot. I like writing lyrics, compose music and produce music. Music is my life. I like being busy. The dreams just gives me… an excuse not to sleep.”   
  
“Sleep is… sleep is a basic need though,” Minho said, removing his hand from Chan’s. Chan turned to look at him and Minho just brushed his bangs away from his forehead and then rested his hand on Chan’s cheek. “I see why Jisung worries about you.”   
  
Chan laughed, placing his hand on top of Minho’s. “I don’t… I don’t want to worry him or Changbin… but I think I worry them either way.” His shoulders slumped and his gaze lowered, avoiding Minho’s eyes. “Changbin worries about me as it is. He doesn’t… he doesn’t need that stress in his life.”   
  
Minho sighed. Chan was a selfless guy and it was a good trait, but it also caused him to suffer in silence and Minho… well frankly, Minho didn’t want that. 

“Why did you… take Changbin and Jisung in?”   
  
“I met them…” Chan trailed off, looking back up at Minho and there was a sparkle in his eyes. It made Minho smile. He knew Chan held a lot of affection for Changbin and Jisung. “I met them at a camp when I was 17, about to turn 18 that year. It was my last summer living with my parents and I went to a music writing camp. My parents didn’t like my choice of career either,” he laughed again, rubbing his thumb over Minho’s hand. “Changbin was 15 almost 16 and Jisung was 14, turning 15, when I met them. They were both passionate about music and after the camp, I reached out to them and asked if they wanted to try to make some music together.”

“Is that how you started 3racha?” Minho asked and Chan nodded, eagerly. 

“I just… I love the two of them,” he said, so fondly it almost hurt Minho. It reminded him of himself and how much he loved Jeongin and Felix. “The year after the camp, both of them were thrown out. Changbin got thrown out of his own home when he was 16, a few months before he turned 17…” Chan sighed and closed his eyes. “And then Jisung… Jisung was thrown out a week before he turned 16… I had to… they had… they had no one else.”   
  
Minho nodded, his brows furrowed. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to say or even how to feel. He couldn’t even begin to imagine being thrown out of the colony just because of liking other boys.    
  
“I need to… I need to take care of them, make sure they’re alright and I just,” Chan said, opening his eyes to meet Minho’s. They were glossy, as if he was about to cry and he just looked so tired.   
  
“Maybe you… should lean on them some time,” Minho said slowly and Chan chuckled, taking Minho’s hand in his own and looked down at it. “I’m not joking. We can stop talking about it if you want,” he said, noticing that Chan seemed to be tired of this topic… or just tired in general. “But I… can you try?”   
  
“Try what?” Chan asked, looking up from Minho’s hand.    
  
“Can you maybe… try to sleep at regular times? I mean, it’s a lot easier for me to just meet you up by the shore and not go to the cave and get my stuff and… you know?” he said and Chan smiled, a small smile and he looked down. “And not just for me, for Jisung and Changbin too. And Felix. He’s worried too. Can you try to sleep at regular hours?”   
  
Chan remained silent for a moment, then he nodded. “I will try,” he said.   
  
“Promise?” Minho asked, narrowing his eyes and he held up his hand. “Promise you will go to bed in normal hours and not stay up mixing songs until 5 am? Pinky promise?” He extended his pinky towards Chan.    
  
“Promise,” Chan said, linking his pinky with Minho. Minho couldn’t hold back the small smile. “Can I ask you something?” Chan asked as he let go of Minho’s hand.   
  
“You just did,” Minho said and Chan just playfully shoved him to the side. “Kidding, kidding. I asked you things, I think it’s only fair.”   
  
Chan nodded, chewing on his bottom lip. “How did you get… those?” he asked, gesturing towards Minho’s torso. Minho tensed up and looked down. There, on his left side over his ribs, were two wide scars, still visibly red, lines running along his torso from his armpit down to his hip bone. His gills flared instinctively and he felt sick as he saw his torn gills.    
  
“It was…” he began slowly, taking a deep breath. “It was an accident… I wasn’t very old and I… well, I was a bit curious and went swimming among shipwreck and old fishing equipment… I…” He coughed, trying to push down the lump in his throat. “I got caught and stuck,” he said pointing at the scars.   
  
“Are they… affecting you in any way?” Chan asked, worry lacing his tone and Minho just gave him the best fake smile he could.    
  
“No,” he said, looking down and flaring his gills again. “Not very much.”   
  
“Oh,” Chan said, furrowing his brows. Minho observed his face, trying to see if Chan saw through the lie or not. “Okay.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I'm sinking,_

_help me._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The waves were gently rolling up against the cliffs and the shelf. Minho was laying on Chan’s lap, holding onto Chan’s hand and playing with his fingers. His tail was partly submerged in the water, swaying lazily along with the waves. Chan was leaning against the cliff, running his hands through Minho’s dry, black hair. It felt nice. Minho let out a content little hum.

“Hey,” Minho said, breaking the silence and Chan hummed, looking down at him, his pierced eyebrow raised. “Why the tattoos on the fingers?” he asked, looking up from Chan’s hand to look at Chan.   
  
“It’s like… a reminder,” Chan said, showing the side of his right pointer finger.    
  
“I’m fine,” Minho read and Chan hummed. “Like… you’re okay?” he asked and Chan nodded, smiling warmly at Minho. Minho looked at the side of Chan’s middle finger, at the second finger tattoo. “I’m good.”   
  
“Sometimes my thoughts are a bit too much and I need something physical to… hold onto…” Chan said and Minho nodded, wrapping his fingers around Chan’s pointer and middle finger, just glancing at the text on the side of his ring finger.   
  
“I’m enough.” 

“Yeah,” Chan said and Minho gently squeezed his fingers, looking up at Chan with wide eyes. “As I said… sometimes I need something to remind myself,” he continued, running his other hand through Minho’s hair, fingers scraping against Minho’s scalp and Minho let out another little hum. "Oh," he said, looking away from Minho and down to the water. Minho raised his head to look at what Chan just saw.

 

But before he could see them, he felt them.

"Oh lord," he said as he bettas began to nibble on his fins. "Did you follow me?" he asked and the tiny little brown and white betta with the dumbo fins began waving their small fins.

"You know them?" Chan asked and Minho looked back at him, sighing before sitting up.

"Yes," he said and reached into the water to nudge a pink and white betta. "These guys... usually follow me around," he continued, sighing as he ran a hand through his hair. The purple betta splashed their fins a little and Minho rolled his eyes. "No I'm not gonna go into the water with you right now. My hair is dry. Do you know how rarely my hair is dry?"

Chan snorted and Minho turned to narrow his eyes at him. "Your hair is nice," Chan said, holding up both his hands. "Can you talk to them? Like, do they actually speak or..?"

"No," Minho said, shaking his head. "It's more like... I've spent so much time with them that I know what they mean with certain gestures and behavior."

"I see," Chan said, reaching out a hand towards the water. Minho shifted his eyes between Chan and the fish. He knew that they usually didn't like other people. They were actually assholes and stuck up, but maybe they could accept Chan. He gave them a pointed look.

Chan's fingers barely touched the water and he stopped, holding his hand still to let the bettas approach him instead. Minho smiled as the brown and white betta and a blue betta carefully began to approach Chan's hand. The blue one turned away at last second but the brown one began to nibble on Chan's fingers and Chan chuckled.

"They're cute," he said, poking the betta playfully.

"They usually don't let other people close, let alone pet them like this," Minho said, amused as the brown betta began swimming in circles.

"Oh really?" Chan asked and Minho nodded. "Why?"

"They... well," Minho laughed. "They're a bit vain. They don't... associate themselves with other fish or merfolks that doesn't... I don't know to be honest. They just keep stating I'm pretty," he said, his cheeks burning hot and he inched closer to sit on the edge of the shelf. Chan chuckled, moving closer to sit on the edge as well, his legs submerged in water.

"Does this one have a name?" Chan asked, wiggling his toes as the brown little betta began swimming around his feet, nibbling at them playfully and Chan giggled.

"No," Minho said, shaking his head. "I don't... I don't name them and no one else is around them so... they don't have names. Jeongin names his fish friends though... Felix just calls his jellyfish friends 'jellies'," he said and Chan nodded slowly. "I think you can name them though," he continued and Chan's face lit up, causing Minho's heart to stutter. "I don't think they mind. Do you?" He looked down at the fish. The betta just looked up at him before rubbing itself against Chan's legs. "It's okay."

Chan looked like he was deep in thought as he stared at the fish below. "Mr. Stork," he finally said and Minho just stared as he beamed at him. "It's the stork that delivers the babies from Dumbo!"

"What from what?"

"Haven't you-" Chan stopped and stared at Minho, eyes wide. "You haven't seen Dumbo? That's a classic Minho!" he whined and Minho just frowned. "I mean I understand that Felix hasn't seen any movies, but you've been able to go into the human world! How have you not seen Dumbo?"

"I don't know," Minho said, shrugging and frowning at Chan. "What is it?"

"It's a movie," Chan said and Minho nodded slowly. "You've seen movies right?" Minho nodded again. "I guess we just have to watch a bunch of kid movies some rainy day."

Minho just raised an eyebrow, not really understanding why it was so important for him to see these movies but he nodded slowly.

"Have you seen Finding Nemo?" Chan asked and when Minho was just silently looking at him, he gasped. "You haven't seen Finding Nemo?!"

"No?"

"I can't believe it," Chan gasped dramatically and Minho laughed. "We're gonna watch that one too," he said and Minho nodded, smiling widely. He looked down on his fin, watching the bettas swarming around him. "They really like you."

"They like my tail and the way it reflects light," he said, wiggling his tail fins to humor the bettas.

"It's pretty," Chan said and Minho felt his cheeks heating up a little. He didn't say anything, he just kept his eyes trained on the fish below him. "I mean it."

Minho looked up and just nodded, meeting Chan's eyes for a second before looking away again. He felt a bit embarrassed. He was usually so confident, but now he felt super conscious and embarrassed.

“You’re pretty,” Chan said all of a sudden and Minho clenched his jaw, his heart hammering in his chest. “You’re blushing,” Chan cooed and Minho’s face heated up even more. This was quickly becoming too much for him. “But really. You’re pretty, but you’re the prettiest when you smile. It’s like the sun is shi-” Chan didn’t get to finish that sentence before Minho promptly shoved him into the water. 

Two seconds later he emerged and Minho was hiding his face in his hands in embarrassment while Chan just laughed at him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_We'll return,_

_even when we drift apart._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hey,” Felix said, head popping out of the water and Minho looked down at him. He was seated on his rock and seeing Felix here wasn’t something that happened every day. But the sun had set so Felix wasn’t uncomfortable in the outside.   
  
“Oh hi,” Minho said, looking back up at the horizon. Felix heaved himself up on the rock, sitting beside Minho. “How are you? And Jisung for that matter? We haven’t met a lot the past few days.”   
  
“You’ve been busy with Chan,” Felix said and when Minho glanced at him, he was wiggling his eyebrows. Minho just shoved him to the side and Felix laughed. “But I’m good, Jisung is too. I’m impressed you called him Jisung and not Josing.”   
  
Minho sighed and ran a hand through his dried hair. “I talked to him,” he said and Felix’s fins on the side of his head perked up a little. “He has a big heart,” he said, resting his elbows on his tail and resting his face on his hands as he stared out over the water.    
  
“He does,” Felix said, inching closer to Minho. “He really does…”   
  
“He’s a good human,” Minho said and Felix hummed. “You picked a good one.”   
  
“You picked a good one too,” Felix said and Minho looked away from the ocean and at Felix, an eyebrow raised. “I’m talking about Chan. He’s great.”   
  
“He is,” Minho mumbled and something sparked in Felix’s eyes and Minho narrowed his eyes. “He’s not my human though.”   
  
“You want him to be,” Felix said, mischievous glint in his eyes and Minho rolled his eyes. “Don’t even bother to lie. You can’t lie.”   
  
“Says who?” Minho sneered at Felix who just laughed.   
  
“Me!” he exclaimed happily, grinning so widely. “And Jeongin. And probably everyone who knows you. Chan probably knows too.” At that, Minho’s gut dropped a bit but he tried to not lose his face. “Your gills flare,” Felix said, poking Minho’s gills on the side of his neck. “Just a little when you lie.”   
  
“They don’t,” Minho denied but Felix just poked his gills again. “Please stop that,” he said, playfully swatting at Felix’s hand.    
  
“But honestly though,” Felix said, tone suddenly serious. “Are you and Chan… I don’t know, dating?” he asked, tilting his head. Minho sighed, shoulder slumping and he looked down at his tail. 

“I don’t… know… actually,” he said, heaving another deep sigh. “I mean, I care for him. He’s dumb and I want to make sure he takes care of himself and I want him to… I don’t know, run his hands through my hair and maybe kiss me too. Yeah, that would be nice.”   
  
“That’s one hell of a crush.”   
  
“Don’t curse,” Minho said, turning his head to narrow his eyes at Felix.   
  
“Sorry, sorry,” Felix said sheepishly. “But seriously though. You should tell him.”

“I don’t know,” Minho mumbled, running his hand through his black hair. “I don’t know if he’s… into me like that.” Felix just gave him a Look™ and Minho groaned. “Don’t- just- he has a lot to think about okay? I want him to focus on himself and sleeping and eating first.”   
  
“You know he’s not… he’s not gonna do that,” Felix said, an eyebrow raised. “Chan is… probably never gonna focus on himself like that, you know that as well as I do.”    
  
Minho grimaced. He had worried about Chan not really fulfilling his promise, but he had hope. “At least… I want to wait a little longer,” he said and Felix frowned. “He promised me a few days ago to… try and sleep at regular hours. Regular hours for humans.”   
  
Felix frowned even more and then his shoulder dropped. “He- well, I-” he sighed and brushed the hair out of his forehead. “You know I’m there almost… every night,” he began and Minho nodded, an eyebrow raised as he waited for Felix to get to the point. “He hasn’t made any changes in his sleeping schedule. If anything he sleeps even less now.”   
  
Minho’s heart dropped. He had really thought Chan would keep his promise. He clenched his jaw and stared out over the water again. “I see,” he said curtly and he could see Felix’s worried glance in the corner of his eye. “I’ll talk to him later.”   
  
“Just… try not to get too upset,” Felix said, slowly getting back into the water. “He’s just trying to do his best.”

“I won’t,” Minho said as Felix dove down and left him alone with his thoughts. “I won’t.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_One day,_

_in the sky,_

_I hope to see the stars._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minho glanced at the clock on his phone as he made his way towards Chan, Changbin and Jisung’s cabin. 2.17 a.m. It was way past the time Chan and Minho had agreed was a reasonable bedtime.    
  
Minho wanted to make sure for himself that Chan was indeed not keeping his promises. 

He carefully opened the backdoor, which he knew was always unlocked, and tiptoed into the cabin. He could see a blue light coming from the living room, probably a computer, and his gut twisted uncomfortably. There was still some hope. Jisung had a terrible sleeping schedule now, thanks to Felix, so there still was a chance that it was Jisung and not Chan.   
  
He peered into the living room and his heart dropped.

  
It the living room, on the couch with a laptop in his lap, was Chan. He was staring intensely at the screen, his headphones on his head but only one of the muffs over one ear.

  
“You promised,” Minho said and Chan jumped in surprise, turning around to stare at Minho with wide eyes. He looked tired, like he hadn’t slept for a good while and anger began to bubble within Minho. “You promised!”   
  
“I said I would try,” Chan said, his voice low, quickly removing his headphones and standing up. “And I am trying! I was about to go to bed!”   
  
“We said midnight,” Minho pointed out, his brows furrowed.   
  
“I am trying Minho,” Chan said, also slowly getting worked up. “I’ve just had a lot to do.”   
  
“What do you have to do?” Minho snapped and Chan flinched. “You said you were here for rest and inspiration? What part of rest don’t you get?”   
  
“I have to work,” Chan exclaimed, raising his voice. “I have to- I have to take care of things. Changbin and Jisung need to rest.”   
  
“You need to rest too you dumbfuck,” Minho was really getting worked up. He didn’t intend to yell but he did it anyway. “I’m just- you promised me! Doesn’t that mean anything?”   
  
“It does!” Chan yelled back and in the corridor, Minho could see a light getting turned on. They must have woken up the other two. “I- I can’t sleep okay! I’m trying but I can’t! I told you about it! Why can’t you show some fucking empathy?!”    
  
“I understand why!” Minho shouted, taking a step closer. “I just want you to fucking think about yourself for once! Is that so hard?”   
  
“How can I put myself first?” Chan ran a hand through his curls, exhaling loudly. “I’m trying to create a fucking life for me and my- my brothers. Surely you can understand that?”   
  
“I just want some fucking honesty!” Minho exhaled. “You could just have told me it wasn’t going as it was supposed to. But instead you lied.”   
  
“Honesty? That’s rich!” Chan sneered and laughed a humorless laugh. “Some fucking honesty. Well you can start by being honest yourself!”   
  
“I’m- I-” Minho stuttered, struggling to find his words. He didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t been honest with Chan, that was true. He placed a hand on his ribs, over his scars as he shrunk back a little.   
  
“See,” Chan said, pointing at Minho with his whole hand. “What have I done to get you to mistrust me? I told you about myself and you just lie to my face.”   
  
“I have my fucking reasons. You don’t need to hear it. I wanted to spare you the story,” Minho hissed, vaguely registering someone standing in the doorway to the living room. “I care for you Chan. But you’re so fucking dumb sometimes I can’t believe I like you!”   
  
“Well I just wish you would let me in because I abso-fucking-lutely adore you,” Chan yelled back at the same time.    
  
Both of them just stopped. The only sound that was heard was their breathing. Minho was staring at Chan, eyes wide and mouth open. Chan was just standing there, shoulder slumped and a dejected expression on his face.

“I-I’m just gonna… go…” Minho whispered, stumbling over his words as he lowered his head and turned around. As he was about to leave the living room to go out through back door, Chan grabbed his wrist and stopped him. 

“D-don’t,” Chan stuttered. He looked exhausted once again, now that the anger had washed off. “Please stay,” he begged, loosening his grip of Minho’s wrist. 

Minho looked at Chan, his heart drumming in his ribcage. He didn’t know what to say, he just stared. 

“Do you… want to go to my room? We can talk there?” Chan whispered as Minho moved closer. 

“I’m sorry,” Minho mumbled, glancing up to meet Chan’s eyes before averting his eyes. “I’m… I was worried for you okay? I shouldn’t have yelled at you… I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” Chan said, placing his hand on Minho’s jaw. Minho looked up again. “I shouldn’t have gotten so worked up either.”   
  
“I think we both need… sleep,” Minho said, not breaking eye contact. Chan hummed, brushing his thumb over Minho’s cheekbone. “But… but… uh…” he stumbled over his words and just didn’t really know what to do.   
  
“I like you,” Chan said after a moment. “A-and I… uhm, you like me too?”

Minho’s face flushed and he bit his lip, but nodded. “I do,” he whispered and watched as a small smile spread on Chan’s face. Minho stared at Chan for a moment, just taking everything in, every detail of his face, before cupping his face with both his hands and brought Chan’s face closer to kiss him.    
  
Chan’s hand remained on Minho’s cheek and he tensed for half a second when Minho pressed his lips against his, but he quickly relaxed and kissed Minho back. 

“We should sleep,” Chan mumbled against Minho’s lips and Minho just hummed. They should sleep, yeah, but he didn’t want to let go of Chan. “You can stay over if you want,” Chan whispered, leaning back. Minho pouted. Kissing Chan felt nice, he really didn’t want to stop.   
  
“If it’s okay,” Minho said and Chan nodded, gently pulling him along. “I’m really sorry.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I have a wish,_

_I want to live._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minho woke up in the morning, surrounded my fluffy pillows and blankets and a weight on his chest. He opened his eyes, squinting in the bright light of the sun that shone through the window. He looked down on his chest and a warm feeling just burst within his chest. 

Chan was asleep, his cheek resting on top of Minho’s chest, right above where his heart was. Minho tried to bite back a smile but to no avail. He glanced to his right, to the clock on the bedside table. 9.27am. Okay they had been sleeping for a decent amount of hours at least.   
  
He carefully placed a hand at Chan’s nape, threading his  fingers through the short hair at the back of his head. Chan’s hair was always curly. Always messy and like a little cloud on his head. Minho had seen pictures of Chan with straight hair, probably straightened because humans were weird, but he preferred it like this.

Chan stirred, letting out a small little whine and Minho’s hand froze for a second before he just continued. 

“What time is it?” Chan asked, voice raspy and low. 

“It’s nine,” Minho said, clearing his throat. “Did you sleep well?”   
  
Chan hummed, sound muffled by Minho’s shirt. “Yeah,” he said, moving so he was laying beside Minho, looking at him. He was squinting in the light and Minho just smiled. “I haven’t slept this well in ages.”   
  
“Well you don’t sleep so,” Minho said, not really thinking before he opened his mouth. He groaned on the inside. Why was he so dumb? “I’m sorry,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair and stared up at the ceiling. 

“No you’re right,” Chan mumbled, inching closer to Minho. He threw an arm over Minho’s midsection, pressing his nose into his arm. “Can I ask you something and can you be honest with me?”   
  
Minho bit his lip. He knew where this was going. “Yeah,” he finally said. 

“Did you really get your scars from old fishing equipment?” Chan asked and Minho stared up at the ceiling, not tearing his eyes of it.

“It was fishing equipment and I… well I wasn’t a kid when it happened,” Minho said and he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It happened about… two years ago. You know my bettas, right?” he asked and Chan hummed, reaching out to take Minho’s hand. “So it was a… it was a spring day and… well, usually there’s fishermen every now and then but usually they don’t overfish and they don’t… go for the smaller fish.”   
  
“Right,” Chan said, squeezing Minho’s hand gently.   
  
“But this spring… they were just trying to catch all the bettas, saying something about selling them as pets, and… and that would mean that the bettas wouldn’t be able to reproduce and continue living in the wild,” Minho said, still looking up. “I don’t know why I did it… but I… I don’t know, I wanted to protect my friends… so I confronted the fishermen… turned out they were sadistic fuckers and… and…” he trailed off, biting his lip.   
  
“You don’t… you don’t have to continue that if you don’t want to,” Chan said, giving his hand another reassuring squeeze. 

“They tried to dissect me, cut me right open to see how I worked,” Minho said, voice empty of any emotions. “I don’t… I just say it’s an accident from when I was a kid… because I don’t want to… to talk about it.” He blinked rapidly, trying to ignore the tears welling up in his eyes.    
  
“I’m sorry,” Chan whispered, rubbing his thumb over Minho’s knuckles. “I shouldn’t have asked.”   
  
“No,” Minho said, clearing his throat. He hoped he didn’t sound too choked up. “You deserve the truth.”

“I guess this is the reason you’re so suspicious of humans?” Chan asked and Minho nodded, turning his head to look at Chan. Chan looked sad and Minho felt bad for dumping all of this on him this early in the morning. 

“I know not all of you are bad,” he mumbled, sniffling a little, and Chan hummed, letting go off Minho’s hand to place it on Minho’s cheek, drying the tears as they fell. “I just… I care so much for Jeongin and Felix to… to even risk this happening to them.”

Chan didn’t say anything immediately. He gave Minho a small smile and a little sigh. Minho knew Chan understood his situation. “You’re a good older brother,” Chan finally said and Minho looked him right in the eye. “Felix talks about you a lot when he’s here. He really adores you.”

“I’m just glad he likes me,” Minho said, laughing and Chan frowned. “I mean… I’m a bit… blunt and I don’t really think before I speak and Felix and I… we clash…” 

“That happens,” Chan assured and Minho nodded. “Can I… ask you something else?”   
  
“Sure?” Minho said, inching closer to Chan. 

“Do you… Does it hurt? Do you have any side effects by this… this?” Chan asked, moving his hands down to Minho’s ribs.    
  
“They don’t… hurt,” Minho began, biting his lip. “But the gills are… the gills are damaged and I can’t stay underwater for long periods of time without being uncomfortable. I can breathe okay, it’s a bit heavy after too long and gets uncomfortable, but it’s not like I’m dying. When I’m… I’m human, it’s like…” he trailed off, trying to remember the word Jinnie used to describe it. “It’s like asthma. You remember when we were collecting seashells.” Chan nodded. “It just gets me a bit out of breath and it’s heavy to breathe.”

“Oh,” Chan said, his lips shaped like an ‘o’ and oh god he looked so adorable. Minho leaned in and pressed his lips against Chan’s. “Oh,” Chan said again as they parted and Minho snorted, kissing him again. 

A knock on the door frame caused them both to break apart and sit up. In the door was Jisung, an eyebrow raised.   
  
“It’s nice to see you two making up and making out,” he said, voice gruff and he looked like he needed to sleep for a week. “But I am hungry and I don’t want to burn down the cabin. And I want compensation for you two waking me up when I finally went to bed at 1 a.m.”   
  
“Sorry Jisung,” Chan said sheepishly and Jisung just muttered something.    
  
“You should be thankful Changbin is staying with his loverboy,” Jisung grumbled, turning around and walked towards the kitchen, his feet dragging behind.   
  
Chan looked at Minho and giggled. Minho couldn’t hold back the grin that spread on his face or the giggle that slipped past his lips. “I guess we have to go and feed the baby,” Chan said, slowly getting out of bed. Minho stayed a bit longer, stretching his whole body. He then got out of the bed and tailed after Chan to the kitchen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Hold me in your eyes,_

_just one more time._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“We should go on a date sometime,” Chan said as he reached out to grab Minho’s hand. They were sunbathing at the shelf in the cliff by the northern shore, where they had met for the first time. Minho lifted his sunglasses, a pair he had more or less stolen from Chan, and looked at Chan. 

“A date?” he asked and Chan nodded eagerly. “Isn’t this a date?”   
  
“I’m thinking more like… getting smoothie somewhere, walk through the park, maybe go play mini golf or something,” Chan said and Minho raised an eyebrow. “Like a whole day just… just the two of us doing something,” he continued and Minho nodded slowly. 

“That sounds nice,” Minho agreed and Chan beamed, his smile so bright Minho had to pull down the sunglasses again. “I haven’t tried smoothies.”   
  
Chan gasped and stared at Minho, eyes wide.   
  
“Oh sweetheart,” he said and Minho rolled his eyes. “We need to hurry up and plan a smoothie date then.”   
  
“Pet names?” Minho questioned and Chan coughed, seemingly a bit embarrassed. “At this stage? Already?”   
  
“Well I mean-” Chan began but Minho cut him off.   
  
“What do you want me to call you?” he asked and Chan’s ears were beginning to turn red. “Honey? Babe? Sunshine?”   
  
Chan let out a wheezing sound and shoved Minho to the side playfully. “Stop,” he whined and Minho grinned. “You’re making me embarrassed.”

“Good,” Minho said, reaching out to take Chan’s hand. “That was my goal.”   
  
“You’re awful,” Chan said, the corner of his mouth curling upwards and displaying the dimples. Oh boy Minho was in deep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_You're my ocean,_

_you're my sea._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Tell me again why you thought this was a good idea,” Minho could hear Jisung say on the side, probably directed to Chan. He didn’t really bother them that much, he was busy holding onto Felix and especially Jeongin as all three of them sobbed.   
  
“You said it was a movie for kids!” Felix wailed and tightened his grip around Minho. Jeongin was a sobbing mess in Minho’s arms, crying about how he was going to protect all clownfish in the ocean. 

“In my defence, I don’t think I could have predicted this reaction,” Chan said and Minho turned to look at him. “Sweetheart,” he cooed, laughing as he reached over Felix who had squeezed himself between them to cling and cry on Minho. “It’s just a movie,” he said, drying Minho’s tears.   
  
“A heartbreaking one!” Minho snapped back and Chan laughed again. “Don’t laugh at my misery!”

“It gets better I promise,” Chan said, brushing his thumb over Minho’s cheekbone.   
  
“Can you two stop being gross, I’m emotional here,” Felix said, drying his tears, and Minho snorted at him, turning back to the movie. 

“You’re gross too,” Jeongin sniffled and Minho reached to ruffle his hair. “You have Jisung right there.”   
  
“At least Changbin isn’t here?” Jisung said, small smile on his lips.   
  
“No he’s just somewhere else being grossly in love,” Chan said, fiddling with his earring.   
  
Jeongin grumbled something and turned to the TV. “Love is gross,” he said and Minho laughed, ruffling his hair again. “I’m never falling in love, y’all are weird.”

Minho didn’t say anything, just shaking his head, Felix snorted and rolled his eyes, looking back at the screen. He wasn’t sure if he was prepared to keep on crying the whole movie, or if he was prepared to comfort his little brothers the whole movie. Hopefully Chan was right and it got better, or else Minho would put seaweed under his pillow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_With you,_

_I found joy,_

_I found sorrow._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minho carefully entered the cabin through the backdoor. The kitchen was empty but the coffee maker was on. Okay so Chan was home. Minho went to the cabinet, got a cup and got himself a cup of coffee.

He quietly padded into the living room, which also opened into the dining room. At the dining table, was Chan. He was staring intensely at the screen of his laptop, headphones on. As Minho approached, he looked up from the screen.    
  
“Oh hello gorgeous,” Chan said and Minho just rolled his eyes, leaning down to kiss Chan.   
  
“What are you doing?” Minho said as he sat down beside Chan, looking at the program he didn’t understand at all. “Making a track?”   
  
“Yeah,” Chan said, heaving a deep sigh as he rubbed his eyes.    
  
“Did you sleep well tonight?” Minho asked, taking a sip of his coffee. Chan sighed again, shoulders dropping.   
  
“Sort of,” he said and Minho bit back a small smile. “I went to sleep a while after midnight, so a bit later than we agreed but I didn’t have any nightmares.”   
  
“That’s good,” Minho hummed, placing a hand on Chan’s head, running his fingers through Chan’s curly locks. Chan smiled, closing his eyes for a moment and just leaning into Minho’s touch.    
  
“I got something for you,” he said, opening his eyes. Minho furrowed his brows as Chan stood up. “Wait here,” he continued and scurried out of the room, towards his own room. Minho just sat there at the table, drinking his coffee while he waited for Chan.   
  
Chan basically bounced back into the room and Minho just raised his eyebrows. “Here!” he said and handed Minho a little plastic thing. It was cylindrical, white and about the length of Minho’s palm.    
  
“What’s this?” Minho asked, tilting his head.    
  
“It’s an inhaler,” Chan said and Minho frowned. “It’s when… for those with asthma, when they start having a hard time breathing, they just,” he trailed off and showed Minho how to twist the bottom part of the inhaler. “They just twist this part and then you breath out, put this to your lips and inhale. It’s supposed to make it easier to breathe.”   
  
Minho bit his lips, his eyes glossy as he stared at the inhaler. Never had he thought that someone, and a human nonetheless, would ever do something like this for him. “Thank you,” he whispered and Chan just smiled warmly at him. “Thank you so much.”   
  
“Anything for you.”

  
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_The colors flow,_

_into a prismatic reflection._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It had taken them a while, but they had finally planned a date. Chan had told him it wasn’t going to be anything big, but Minho felt like it was and he wanted to at least dress up a bit. He had actually gone shopping with Felix and Jisung, showing him that aspect of the human world, and managed to get a few new things. Felix on the other hand had raved about the shoes and in the end got a pair with wheels under and a pair that lit up. Minho almost pitied Jisung who had promised to buy shoes for Felix. Almost.

“What are you thinking about?” Chan asked, squeezing Minho’s hand gently and pulled him out of his thoughts.   
  
“Nothing really,” Minho replied, looking around the park. “I guess I got a bit hung up on Felix’s shoes.”   
  
Chan laughed and Minho’s heart swelled. “Do you want a pair of lit up sneakers?” he asked and Minho snorted.   
  
“Not my style,” he said, squeezing Chan’s hand. “When you said we should walk around the park, I didn’t expect it to be this… calming,” he continued and Chan chuckled, stopping in the middle of the walking path. Minho glanced around the park again, smiling as he saw someone walking their dog, and then he looked back at Chan. “What?”   
  
“It’s great isn’t is?” Chan asked and Minho nodded. Chan looked relaxed, more well rested than he had in days and just so unbelievably handsome. He placed his free hand on Chan’s cheek, leaning closer to kiss him. He could feel Chan grin against his lips before kissing him back. “You’re ready for some smoothie?” he asked when they parted.   
  
“Yes!” Minho said excitingly and Chan chuckled, pressing a quick kiss on his lips before gently pulling Minho with him.   
  
“The shop is at the edge of the park,” Chan said as they walked along the path. “Changbin’s boyfriend works there.”   
  
“Does that mean Changbin gets free smoothies?” Minho asked and Chan snorted. “Changbin never talks about his boyfriend. Why is that?”   
  
“Dunno if he gets free smoothies,” Chan began as they exited the park. Minho could see the bright and colorful sign at the other side of the street. ‘SMOOTHIES’. “Changbin prefers to keep things… private… and I don’t think he… he’s a bit nervous with introducing people he dates to me and Jisung. He doesn’t want to… I don’t know, I guess he wants to be sure about their relationship before introducing them to us.”   
  
Minho hummed as he and Chan walked over the street. “Makes sense,” he hummed. Chan smiled and pushed the door to the smoothie shop open. Minho sighed as he was met with the cool air inside the shop. God bless the human invention ac. He tailed after Chan up to the counter and Chan pointed at the menu above the counter.   
  
“So just pick which one you want.”   
  
“I’ve been to fast food places before,” Minho whispered at Chan, leaning closer and Chan just chuckled, squeezing his hand again. “Which one do you recommend?”   
  
“I… hm, I really like Pineapple Punch or Pink Mango,” Chan said and Minho nodded, his eyes trained on the menu, reading what was in each smoothie.   
  
“I think I’ll… can’t you mix the two of those?” Minho whined and Chan snorted.   
  
“What would that be called? It would probably sound pretty stupid,” he said and just as Minho was about to answer, an employee at the smoothie shop walked up to greet them.   
  
“Hello how can I-” the familiar voice said and Minho froze. He looked down at a very familiar face and the owner of that face just stared back at him, eyes wide. “Minho?”

“Hyunjin?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the great response to aureate iwi I hope you liked prismatic as much as aureate huhuhu Tell me what you thought in the comment, hmu on twt or cc. Comments and response makes me super happy and I'm happy to talk to y'all iwi
> 
> As you may have seen, there will be a part 4 as well. Please stay tuned for the two other parts uwu It might take some time as you... as you can see the length of the parts... hah... anyway I love my merboys iwi
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [My twitter uwu](https://twitter.com/pinkpunchmango)
> 
>  
> 
> [Wanna ask smth or yell at me uwu?](https://curiouscat.me/sparklegay1337)


	3. Lucent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lucent. adj.  
> 1\. Glowing with or giving off light.

The moment Changbin saw Hyunjin, he fell. Quite literally. Hyunjin had been standing there behind the counter to the smoothie shop. When he saw Changbin, Chan and Jisung entering, a wide smile stretched his lips and lit up his face. Changbin fell. He had stumbled on air and crumpled to the floor.  
  
“Changbin?” Chan asked, worry lacing his voice as he helped Changbin up on his feet. “Are you okay? Are you feeling dizzy? Did you-”  
  
“I’m fine,” Changbin mumbled and gave Chan a glance. “Yes I did,” he added quietly and Chan nodded, understanding exactly what he meant.  
  
“Are you okay?” Hyunjin asked as they got to the counter. Changbin just nodded in a daze, noting the name tag at the front of his pastel blue shirt. “Okay good,” he continued, beaming. “Do you know what you want or do you want to take a moment?”  
  
“We’ll take a moment I think,” Chan said and Hyunjin nodded, leaving them with the menu for a while. “What do you want?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Changbin said, looking up at the meny. “I’ll have a Strawberry Apple… a small one.”

“Yeah it sounds good,” Chan said. “I think I’ll have a Pineapple Punch. What about you Jisung?” he asked, turning to Jisung who just snapped out of his thoughts. “What do you want?”

Jisung took a moment to look over the menu before opening his mouth. “Palm Tree Coconut.”

“You okay?” Changbin asked as Chan ordered their smoothies from Hyunjin. He didn’t dare to do it himself, he would probably pass out or something, so he just turned his attention to Jisung. Jisung had been spaced out and deep in thought ever since he got out of the caves, like one and a half hour after the tour had ended.  
  
“I- yeah,” Jisung said, nodding his head. Changbin gave him a look but he didn’t press the matter further. Jisung would tell them if anything was wrong, eventually.  
  
“Let’s go and sit down,” Chan said, linking his arm with Jisung and Changbin nodded, following as Chan pulled Jisung along. He glanced over his shoulder, at Hyunjin who was busy making their smoothies. He somehow managed to look up just as Changbin looked over at him and their gazes met. He smiled and Changbin quickly looked away, his ears heating up.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Chan asked as they sat down and Changbin nodded.  
  
“I am,” he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. “I just… He was really pretty.”  
  
“The-” Chan cut himself off to look over his shoulder before leaning forward, closer to Changbin. “The guy at the counter? Hyunjin?” he whispered and Changbin nodded, his cheeks burning. Chan looked towards the counter again and Changbin just swatted at him.  
  
“Don’t look too much he’s gonna suspect something’s up,” he hissed and Chan just shrugged, grin on his face.

“You should ask him out,” Chan said and Changbin’s face became even hotter. “No really Changbin. We’re only here for a short while. We might not even come back. You may as well ask him out. Maybe you’ll end up as friends, maybe more, maybe nothing. You don’t have anything to lose here.”  
  
“That was…” Changbin trailed off. “That was oddly inspiring. Thanks.”  
  
“Why thank you,” Chan said, bowing his head. “I try my best.”  
  
Changbin was about to say something but was interrupted when an employee of the shop came up to them, tray in their hands. He looked up and choked on his own spit. Hyunjin was standing there and Changbin could really take in all his features now, when he wasn’t busy falling on his face. He had a small heart shaped face, wide lips and a mole under his eyes. But what struck Changbin the most was his eyes. His eyes were wide, had a soft look in them and green. They were dark, but unmistakably green.

“Pineapple Punch for you, right?” Hyunjin said to Chan who just grinned and held out his hand to take the large smoothie glass from Hyunjin. “A Strawberry Apple for you,” he continued, placing a smaller glass in front of Changbin. Changbin just nodded mutely, tongue tied and ears red. “And a- is he okay?” Hyunjin asked and both Chan and Changbin looked over at Jisung who at that moment snapped out of his own world.  
  
“I-I’m fine,” Jisung stuttered, his face tinted pink and Changbin could see Hyunjin biting back a smile. “Palm Tree Coconut for me yes,” he said, coughing in embarrassment as Hyunjin put it down in front of him.  
  
“Enjoy,” Hyunjin said, the tray now under his arm before he turned around to head back to the counter.

“You should ask him,” Chan said, giving Changbin a pointed look before taking a sip of his smoothie. “I smell a summer romance.”

“Stop,” Changbin whined, taking the glass and just stared down at it. As he took the straw and began to stir the smoothie, he could hear Chan starting to hum Summer Nights from Grease and Changbin snapped his head up, narrowing his eyes. “No.”

“I’m just saying,” Chan began, taking another sip of his smoothie. “That you should just go for it. Just… just try?”  
  
Changbin pondered it for a moment. He could make that promise and at least try. “If you promise me something,” he began and Chan nodded, eyes twinkling. “Try to get some sleep, please.” It was a long shot and Changbin knew with a 99% certainty that Chan wouldn’t even bother to try. But that didn’t stop Changbin from just trying.

“Sure,” Chan said and Changbin smiled, smile strained and tight lipped. He then looked over at Jisung who was sitting beside Changbin and Changbin looked to his side. Jisung looked like he was deep in thought. “Is he okay?”

“I have no idea,” Changbin said, shrugging. “I don’t think… you don’t think he’ll… you know, go back?” he asked and Chan sighed, rubbing his forehead.

“I… I wouldn’t worry just yet,” Chan said, sighing again and Changbin nodded, chewing on his lip. “We’re gonna notice if he… if he relapses, we’ll notice.”

“I guess,” Changbin said, stirring his smoothie again. He then placed down the glass on the table and reached for his bag. “By the way, I got some lyrics.”  
  
“Oh!” Chan said, leaning closer to the table. They spent another hour at the smoothie shop, talking about music and lyrics and the cave. Jisung joined the conversation too, finally seeming to snap out of whatever daze he was in and pulled out his notebook as well to contribute with some lyrics. When Chan and Jisung both had finished their smoothies, they stood up to leave.

“We’ll go ahead,” Chan said as he pulled Jisung out of the shop. Nervousness was swirling in Changbin’s gut as he approached Hyunjin by the counter.  
  
“Hey,” Hyunjin said, smiling widely and Changbin almost had to shield his eyes. “How was the smoothie?”

Changbin’s eyes flickered over to their table, where his smoothie remained basically untouched. “It was good,” he lied and Hyunjin smiled, eyes turning into crescent moons. “Anyway… uhm… there’s something I would like to… ask you,” he continued, coughing.  
  
“Okay?” Hyunjin tilted his head and Changbin’s heart, already drumming nervously, did a little backflip.

“Do you…” he took a deep breath. “Do you want to… I don’t know, go out on a… a date?” he said, biting his lip. “With me?” he whispered.

Hyunjin looked stunned, frozen and eyes wide. Then he broke into a wide smile and Changbin didn’t know what to feel. “That’s… very brave of you to just ask me like that. That’s not every day.”  
  
“I mean I’m,” Changbin stuttered, nervously fiddling with his fingers. “Y-you seem like… I don’t know, you seem kind and I would l-like to get to know you,” he continued and Hyunjin’s wide smile got even wider.

“But… a date sounds nice,” he said and a weight dropped of Changbin’s shoulders. “I’d like that a lot.”

“I’ll- I’m- I-” Changbin really didn’t know what to say and he just kept stumbling and stuttering. Oh god he was a mess. “What time? Tomorrow? S-should I come here?”

“That sounds good,” Hyunjin said, smiling widely and Changbin was convinced he was actually going to have a heart attack. He was only 20, he couldn’t die like this. Not yet. “I have a shift until one, but uhm… you can just show up here… or something.”

Changbin nodded and turned around without another word.  
  
“Hey!” Hyunjin called after him and he spun around. “You never told me your name,” he said, obviously amused.

Changbin’s face was burning by now. “C-Changbin,” he said and Hyunjin grinned. He was shining so brightly and it made Changbin so nervous.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Changbin.”

 

 

 

 

 

_I’m scared,_

_I’m too small._

 

 

 

 

 

Changbin had thought that maybe Jisung was just a bit tired and bummed out after he and Chan had… sort of just left him. But he seemed to be just as deep in thought as yesterday. He was a bit absent minded during breakfast, deep in his thoughts and avoiding answers. Before Changbin left the house, he asked Chan to just make sure Jisung was really okay. Chan told him not to worry and just go on his date.

Changbin wasn’t sure if he should call it a date or not, because he… Well he was attracted to Hyunjin, he wasn’t going to deny that, but he honestly just wanted to know Hyunjin better.

Nervousness was swirling in his stomach as he walked to the smoothie shop. He wasn’t sure what to say or what to do. He wasn’t really a people person, but he wanted to… he really wanted to try and get to know Hyunjin.

When he got to the smoothie shop, he stopped outside the door and looked down. Maybe wearing shorts, a black 3racha shirt and a black cap wasn’t very… maybe it wasn’t the best choice for a first date outfit…

“Hey,” Hyunjin said and Changbin snapped his head up, eyes wide. Hyunjin looked casual, a simple white shirt and shorts, which was fitting for the warm weather and while Changbin basically had the same outfit, he felt severely underdressed here beside Hyunjin. “I didn’t keep you waiting for too long did I?” he asked but Changbin shook his head. He wasn’t sure he had been standing outside the shop, feeling anxious, but it didn’t feel like it was for a very long time.

“No,” Changbin said, uncertain smile on his lips. Oh god he was so nervous. “I-I just got here.”

“That’s good then,” Hyunjin said and Changbin nodded, chewing on his bottom lip. “Now, where does my prince charming plan on taking me?” he asked and Changbin choked. “Oh shit are you okay?” Hyunjin asked, placing a hand on Changbin’s shoulder and Changbin just waved a hand in the air.

“Yeah,” he said, swallowing hard as his ears heated up. This was getting worse and worse. This was a bad idea. “I-I… well I was… I was actually gonna… ask you if you had any suggestions… I’ve been here… I’ve been here for two days… y-you probably know the town better than me…” he said, looking down at the ground and glancing shyly at Hyunjin.

“I actually know a great ice cream place,” Hyunjin said, wide smile on his face. Changbin nodded, swallowing before smiling the best he could. He wasn’t… big on ice cream but for Hyunjin he could… he could try it. “It’s down by the ocean, so the view is great and we could walk along the shore later.”

“That sounds nice,” Changbin agreed and Hyunjin grinned. “Show the way then,” he continued and Hyunjin gently grabbed his hand to pull him along. Changbin didn’t know what to expect when he got to this date thing whatever, but holding hands wasn’t one of them. “Do I make you uncomfortable?”  
  
“No!” Changbin said, maybe a bit too loud. “No I mean… I just… I’m not very good in social situations… not… I’m sorry,” he rambled but Hyunjin just shook his head.

“Don’t worry,” he said, his grip of Changbin’s hand loosening but not letting go. “I’m not really great either… I just try to pretend,” he said, laughing awkwardly and Changbin actually felt a bit better. “It usually works but people never really ask me out. Which, by the way, was very brave and I really appreciate it.”

Changbin’s cheeks heated up and he averted his eyes shyly. “It was… it was my friend, the one with the curly hair, who… made me… or I mean, gave me the courage to. I really want to… get to know you.”

“You seem like quite a colorful individual, with the tattoos and piercings,” Hyunjin said after a moment of silence and Changbin was sure his face was red by now. “I really want to get to know you too.”

“Are we at the ice cream place soon?” Changbin asked, trying to change the subject and Hyunjin snorted, grin tugging at the corner of his lips.

“You’re cuter than I expected,” Hyunjin noted. “I mean, with all the piercings and tattoos… I’d expect you to be some rough and tumble kind of guy.”

“I… well,” Changbin began, coughing in embarrassment. “You’re not the first one,” he said and Hyunjin hummed as he continued to pull him along the streets. In the moment of silence, Changbin had the time to reflect on just how big Hyunjin’s hand was… or maybe Changbin’s was just small.

“We’re almost there now,” Hyunjin said as they rounded a corner. From here, Changbin could see the central beach and ocean stretching out in front of them. “You’re gonna love this ice cream.”

“You sound very sure of that,” Changbin noted and Hyunjin nodded eagerly.

“I have trust in our community,” he said with a grin and Changbin just smiled as Hyunjin pulled him into a shop. The inside was like most ice cream shops, colorful and bright, but outside they had an outdoor area with chairs and tables. “Ice cream is on me,” Hyunjin said as they stopped in front of the counter and Changbin stared at him with wide eyes.

“You really don’t have to, I can pay by myself,” he said but Hyunjin shook his head.

“I’ll pay today if you promise to bring me on a second date,” he said with a wink and Changbin was beginning to think that this whole ‘I’m also awkward’ was a lie. It probably was.

“Sure,” he found himself saying and Hyunjin beamed.

“What do you want?” Hyunjin asked and Changbin looked over the menu, scanning it quickly. His stomach churned uncomfortably and he frowned, chewing on his bottom lip.

“I think… uhm… a small cone with… strawberry,” he said, glancing at Hyunjin and Hyunjin raised his eyebrows.

“Are you sure?” he asked and Changbin just looked at him with wide eyes. “You’re not just taking a small cone just to be cheap?”

“No,” Changbin shook his head, eyes wide and Hyunjin nodded slowly. “I’m just… I’m taking a small one now to make sure I like it, and if I like it I can get a big one next time,” he said quickly and Hyunjin smiled.

“I see,” he said. “I’ll just order, hold on.”

Changbin watched as Hyunjin ordered the ice cream, chewing nervously on his bottom lip. When he was done, he came back to Changbin with two ice cream cones.

“You wanna go to the beach? The view is really nice, I promise.” he said as he held out one cone for Changbin.

“Uhm… sure,” Changbin said, taking the cone from Hyunjin.

“Come on then.” He gently hooked his arm with Changbin’s and pulled him along.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_It’s like I’m surrounded by a storm,_

_trying to pull me under_

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hyunjin was awfully easy to talk to, after Changbin had gotten over his own nervousness and awkwardness.

“So, how long are you staying?” Hyunjin asked as they walked along the beach, shoes in one hand and ice cream cones in the other.

“The plan was to stay around 5 weeks,” Changbin said and Hyunjin nodded, taking a bit of his ice cream. “We’re renting a house, Chan knew someone who knew the owner,” he explained. “So if we need to stay a bit longer, it would be possible.”

“That sounds nice,” Hyunjin said and Changbin hummed. “You’re from the city right?”

“Yeah,” Changbin said, nodding. He glanced at his barely eaten ice cream, bit his lip before taking a small bite of it so it wasn’t melting in his hand. It was… okay. His stomach churned. “We’re just here to… relax for a bit and maybe get some inspiration.”

“Musicians right?”

“Trying to be,” Changbin said, offering Hyunjin a lopsided grin. “We’ve only released some songs on the internet but… if we manage to make a whole album we might get a contract with a record label.”

“Oh that sounds cool,” Hyunjin said, lips shaped like an ‘o’. “I’m feeling honored a future celebrity asked me out on a whim.”

Changbin flushed red and lowered his gaze. “Don’t… remind me,” he mumbled and Hyunjin laughed.

“It was really cute,” Hyunjin said. “It was charming.”

“You’re just rubbing it in,” Changbin said, glancing over at Hyunjin.

“I’m honest though,” Hyunjin grinned. “I was going to ask for your phone number so I was pretty happy when you asked. I don’t… I don’t get a lot of people who ask me out like that so I’m really happy you did.”

Changbin averted his eyes, trying to hide his embarrassment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Always lying,_

_always hiding what you feel,_

_forgetting what is real_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Changbin would consider the first date a success. They had been walking down the beach, eating ice cream and talking. Okay Changbin had talked and forgotten about his ice cream so it had melted all over his hand and Hyunjin had laughed. It was sort of embarrassing but it warmed Changbin’s heart, to be able to make Hyunjin laugh like that.

He carefully pushed the door to their cabin open and was greeted by Chan on the couch, his notebook in his lap.

“Oh hey,” Chan said, looking up from his notebook. “How was the date?”

Changbin could feel his face flushing hot and he lowered his head a little, trying to hide the small smile in his shirt. “It was… good,” he said quietly and he could hear Chan chuckle. He glanced up and Chan patted the place on the couch beside him.

“Come here and tell me,” he said, grin on his lips and Changbin bit back another smile as he made his way over to sit down beside Chan. “What did you do?”

“Well,” Changbin began and Chan leaned a bit closer. Changbin’s face heated up even more and he avoided meeting Chan’s eyes. “I went to the smoothie shop to pick him up and then I… well I don’t know where to go so I asked him… he suggested an ice cream shop and… well, we only talked and ate ice cream.”

“Oh,” Chan said, raising both eyebrows. “How was the ice cream?” he asked, eyes twinkling curiously.

“I didn’t… eat a lot… it melted all over my hand,” Changbin said, embarrassed and a bit ashamed. He knew he should at least have tried it. “But I-I ate before I left so I mean,” he added quickly, shrugging and Chan looked worried. Changbin just shook his head. “I was just distracted by… by his face.” Chan snorted and Changbin’s face burned hotter. “Don’t laugh at me,”

“I’m not, I’m not,” Chan said, waving his hand in the air. “It’s cute.”

Changbin pulled up his hood and proceeded to pull it over his face. He didn’t want to talk about this anymore. He was too embarrassed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_What would the society think?_

_I’ll show my true colors with my ink._

 

 

 

 

 

 

Changbin was laying on Chan’s bed, his hair wet from the shower and in just a hoodie and boxers. Chan was sitting at his desk and staring at the computer, his hair a mess and eyes sleepy. Jisung was home, seemingly a bit distracted and off, but laying on the bed as well, resting his head on Changbin’s stomach.

“How do you…” Changbin began, breaking the silence. Jisung let out a little ‘hm’ and when Changbin glanced down, he could see Jisung looking up at him with sleepy eyes. He smiled, placing a hand on Jisung’s hair, threading his fingers through Jisung’s hair. “How do you… kiss a boy?”

He looked over at Chan who had looked up from his work. Chan looked at him, an eyebrow raised. God this was embarrassing.

“Don’t… just don’t,” he said just as Chan started cooing. He looked back up, narrowing his eyes. Chan had closed his laptop and was just grinning at him. “Shut up,” he grumbled but Chan just cooed louder.

“What’s his name?” Jisung asked and Changbin looked down at him. Jisung was looking sleepy, but eyes wide with curiosity. “Hyun- something right?”

“Hyunjin… yeah,” Changbin said, fingers still threading through Jisung’s hair and he looked away, cheeks burning.

“I don’t know how to kiss boys,” Jisung said and Changbin could feel him shrugging where he was laying. “I mean… I kissed like three boys and I have no idea what I was doing.”

“Do you ever have any idea of what you’re doing?” Changbin questioned and Jisung snorted, playfully headbutting Changbin from where he was laying.

“No but I guess you have to… read the room?” Jisung began and Changbin hummed, fiddling with Jisung’s hair. “And go slow… take your time. If they want to kiss you, they’re gonna kiss you, if not, then they’ll pull back.”

“Oh.”

“Just… it might be awkward at first,” Chan spoke up and Changbin looked up. “Just as a heads up. But you should just do what’s comfortable to you.”

“That’s… not really helpful,” Changbin said, raising an eyebrow and Chan just rolled his eyes.

“I’m just saying that it’s going to be awkward and you should be prepared for that,” he continued, leaning forward a bit. “You might bump noses, and that’s okay.”

“Oh yeah,” Jisung said and Changbin raised his eyebrows.

“It might be a bit noisy too, kissing is loud sometimes and there might be spit, which is okay.”

“You sound like you’re my daaaad,” Changbin whined, placing his hands over his hands. “Please stop?”

“What’s that?” Chan asked, standing up. Changbin could hear his footsteps creaking over the wooden floor and by the time he had removed his hands, it was too late. Chan laid down over both him and Jisung, somehow. Jisung let out a shriek. “Is my wisdom not enough for you hmm?” he asked, poking his fingers in Changbin’s side and Changbin twisted his body, trying to get away from Chan.

“Why am I here?” Jisung asked, struggling under Chan’s weight but he was squished between Chan and Changbin.

“If you don’t want to listen to me explaining kissing,” Chan began, looking at Changbin with an eyebrow raised. “You can always practice with me,” he suggested, wiggling his eyebrows. Changbin just snorted and shoved Chan playfully. Jisung let out another shriek. “You wound me Changbin,” Chan said, shift so he was laying beside Changbin instead. Jisung struggled a little, bumping into both Chan and Changbin as he squished himself beside Chan. The bed was a bit small but they all fit.

“Deal with it,” Changbin said, shifting so he was laying on his back, staring up on the ceiling. Chan hummed but inched closed until his nose touched Changbin’s cheek. “Hm?”

“Nothing,” Chan mumbled as he shifted a bit closer, probably trying to give Jisung more space. “I’m just…” he sighed, a happy and content sigh. “I’m so happy I have you two.”

Changbin turned to look at Chan, eyes wide as he slowly processed the situation. Here he was, in bed with two other boys and talking about kissing boys. He was among people who cared about him and didn’t care if he was gay or not. Chan was laying on his side, grinning at Changbin as he had a hand placed on Jisung’s arm. Jisung was spooning Chan, his nose pressed into Chan’s shoulder blade, eyes just peeking over Chan’s shoulder to look at Changbin and his arm resting on Chan’s waist. He wasn’t sure exactly what to say, the emotions suddenly catching up with him.

A few years ago he was thrown out for being gay. At that time he was just lost and confused. He had gone to his parents for help. He was struggling with his anorexia and then came the whole sexuality question. He needed help. He wanted to figure things out, to start… living. But instead he was met with a speech on how gross he was and how he just made up the anorexia for attention. Then he was told to get out.

He had called Chan when he was outside, his phone running on 3% battery and his hands trembling as he made the call. Chan had picked him up and brought him home. Changbin still remember that moment clear as day. He had been exhausted, but Chan had been there for him. A while later, Jisung had joined in a similar way as Changbin and even if they all struggled, they were there for each other.

“I’m thankful for you too,” Changbin finally said, tears welling up in his eyes and he sniffled, rubbing his eyes before they could fall. Chan didn’t say anything, he just tugged Changbin a bit closer and Changbin complied, inching closer till he was pressed against Chan’s chest.

“I love you,” Jisung mumbled, tiredness lacing his voice. “I’m so… I’m so glad I found you.”

They remained silent, all in their own thoughts and fingers absentmindedly stroking the other’s arms or hands. Changbin was starting to drift off, eyelids heavy and he could see Jisung was already asleep, face relaxed and breathing even. The sound of Chan’s heart was soothing, beating in an even pace.

“You should sleep,” Chan murmured, sound rumbling in his chest and Changbin glanced up, blinking. Chan just smiled, placing a hand on Changbin’s hair and ran his hand through, fingers gently scratching against Changbin’s scalp.

Changbin hummed, closing his eyes. “You should sleep too,” he mumbled and Chan let out a small hum, fingers still threading through Changbin’s black hair. Changbin was really drifting now, sleep wrapping around him like a warm blanket.

“Goodnight Changbin,” Chan whispered just as sleep took him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_The sea rests calm tonight,_

_the moon smiling down at us._

 

 

 

 

 

 

The waves rolled up against the beach as Changbin and Hyunjin walked along the shoreline, hand in hand and shoes in their free hand. It was nice. They had been on a few casual dates, going for coffee, walks along the beach and more ice cream. Changbin really enjoyed being with Hyunjin. It was simple and no pressure. Hyunjin was easy-going, laid back and seemed to enjoy Changbin’s company.

“When are you leaving?” Hyunjin suddenly asked and Changbin tore his eyes off the scenery to look at Hyunjin.

“A few weeks at least,” he replied and Hyunjin nodded. “Why?”

“No I’m just… sort of disappointed you don’t live here,” he said and Changbin’s heart did a tiny little backflip. A teeny tiny one. “I really enjoy your company. For it to be a summer thing is… a bit sad.”

“I enjoy your company too,” Changbin said and Hyunjin stopped. Changbin’s heart was speeding up in his chest as Hyunjin looked him right in the eyes, seemingly searching for something.

Neither of them said anything, they just stood there at the beach, staring into each other’s eyes. Changbin’s heart was starting to hammer against his ribs.

There was something in Hyunjin’s deep green eyes. Something that Changbin couldn’t really make out.

Hyunjin suddenly let go of his shoes, letting them fall to the ground and placed his now free hand on Changbin’s chin. Changbin didn’t move as he leaned closer.

“Can I-“ he began but Changbin cut him off.

“Kiss me.”

Hyunjin let out a small little giggle, the cutest sound Changbin had ever heard, and did as told. He pressed his lips against Changbin’s and Changbin dropped his shoes too, placing his hand on Hyunjin’s waist to pull him closer. Their chests were pressed flush together as they stood there, kissing as the sun set.

As they parted, Hyunjin had an unreadable look in his eyes. “Do you… have a tongue piercing?” he asked and Changbin just nodded, at loss for words. “That’s really hot,” he said. Changbin just rolled his eyes and pulled Hyunjin closer, kissing him again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I can do it,_

_I’ll show you all._

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You look happy,” Chan commented as Changbin entered the house. The whole house was dimly lit and Chan was sitting by the table, illuminated by the light from his laptop. “What did you and loverboy do?”

Changbin’s cheeks heated up and he looked away from Chan. Chan laughed. “Do you want coffee?” he asked and Changbin nodded mutely. “Sit down and I’ll get you a cup,” he said, standing up from the table. He grabbed his own cup and went into the kitchen. Changbin sat down and leaned closer to get a better look on what Chan was working on. It looked like some more tracks.

“New tracks?” Changbin asked and Chan made a small, agreeing sound from where he was in the kitchen.

“Got some inspiration and I think this can work out,” he said as he returned, cups in each hand. He placed a cup in front of Changbin as he sat down. “So… tell me.”

“We…” Changbin trailed off, picking up the cup to take a sip of his coffee before continuing. “We kissed,” he finally said, staring down into his cup to avoid eye contact with Chan.

“Ooooh!” Chan said and that made Changbin even more embarrassed. “That’s great though,” he continued, gently poking Changbin’s arm. Changbin just hummed and nodded, cheeks on fire.

“It was really good,” he mumbled, taking another sip of coffee as Chan chuckled.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_The light I find in life is only temporary,_

_with each breath my days gets harder_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hey,” Seungmin, Hyunjin’s co-worker, said as Changbin entered the shop. The shop was fairly empty, as it was approaching closing. Seungmin was cleaning the mixers as Changbin entered. “Hyunjin’s changing, he’ll be out any second now.”

“Oh,” Changbin said and Seungmin just smiled.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Seungmin began and Changbin raised an eyebrow. “Did you just move here or are you here on vacation?” He smiled. “I’m sorry if that’s too private, it’s just… it’s a small town, everyone knows everyone and I just haven’t seen you around before.”

“I understand, don’t worry,” Changbin said, fiddling nervously with his fingers. “We’re here on a vacation,” he said and Seungmin nodded. “Me and… two other guys. We’re just looking for some time off, away from the city you know.”

“Understandable,” Seungmin said as he reached for his water bottle, taking a sip. “The city is…” he trailed off, as if he was looking for the right word. “Hectic,” he finally said and Changbin snorted.

“That’s an understatement,” he said, making Seungmin grin. “Are you from here?”

Seungmin shook his head, putting his water bottle to the side. “I moved here when I graduated. Getting a job and a small apartment here was easier. It’s much nicer here.”

“It is.”

“It’s just this… relaxed feeling,” Seungmin said, looking around the smoothie shop. “And the view is pretty great.” Changbin nodded and Seungmin chuckled, looking down. “Sorry I’m just really bored.”

“No it’s fine,” Changbin said quickly. “I’m waiting for Hyunjin anyway.”

As if on demand, Hyunjin stepped out behind the counter in his casual clothes, bag on his shoulder and a wide smile on his face. Changbin’s heart did a little flip, spreading warmth in Changbin’s whole chest.

“You ready to go?” Hyunjin asked and Changbin hummed, a small smile stretching his lips. Seungmin let out a snort and took another sip of water.

“You two are gross,” he said and Changbin bit his lip, looking down. “Stop with the heart eyes and get out of here.”

“You’re just jealous,” Hyunjin said, sticking out his tongue. He hooked his arm with Changbin’s and pulled him out the door. “See you later Seungmin!”

“Have fun you guys!” Seungmin called as they left the shop.

“I’m sorry for him,” Hyunjin said but Changbin just shook his head.

“He seems nice,” he said and Hyunjin snorted. “Are you just co-workers or?”

“No, we’re friends,” Hyunjin said and Changbin hummed. “We met through work, but he’s a good friend of mine. I don’t have a lot of friends here and Seungmin is… precious to me.”

“Didn’t you grow up here?”

“Most of my childhood friends have moved into town to study or get a job,” Hyunjin said. Changbin just furrowed his brows more, but he nodded anyway. “Now, let’s go so we don’t miss the movie!” he continued, dragging Changbin along.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Is this it?_

_Is this the time?_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Chan?” Changbin called out, knocking on Chan’s door. It was two in the afternoon, Jisung had just scurried off to whatever he was doing these days and Chan was nowhere to be seen. “Are you there?”

There was a moment of silence, then he could hear shuffling behind the door. The door handle was pushed down and the door creaked open. Chan looked tired, worse than usual, with his hair tousled and he just looked exhausted. “Hey,” he said, voice raspy and Changbin could see that his eyes were bloodshot as well.

“Do you… need anything?” Changbin asked slowly. It was probably one of these days. Sometimes there were down days. They all had them, but Chan had them more often than Changbin and Jisung. “You haven’t left your room all day.”

“I’m just…” Chan sighed. “I’m exhausted.”

“Do you want some water or… anything?” Changbin asked and Chan nodded, rubbing his eyes. “Just… go sit down, okay?”

Chan nodded again and scurried back into the room. Changbin went back to the kitchen to get water for Chan. He knew there wasn’t much he could do, but he wanted to… he wanted to make it all stop. To take the pain away. He ran a hand through his hair as he walked back to Chan’s room. He carefully pushed the door open. Chan was sitting by his desk, laptop closed, and just stared at the wall.

“Try to drink water at least,” Changbin said, putting down the glass on Chan’s table. “And try to get some rest, okay?”

“I’ll try,” Chan mumbled as Changbin placed a hand on the side of his head, fingers tangled in Chan’s curls and thumb brushing over his ear. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” Changbin said quietly, stroking his thumb over Chan’s ear. “I love you, please remember that.”

“I will.”

“I’ll be in the living room if you need anything,” Changbin said and Chan nodded mutely. Changbin quickly slipped out of the room, closing the door behind him. He felt bad. He knew Chan’s depression was overwhelming and the insomnia didn’t help it. The meds sometimes didn’t help. Changbin just wanted something to work. He wanted to help Chan.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Timeless sea-breezes,_

_sea wind of the night;_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Do you dislike smoothies?” Hyunjin asked over the counter as Changbin sat waiting for his shift to end. Changbin looked up from his notebook, eyes wide. “I mean, I’ve never seen you actually finish a smoothie.”

“Oh uh…” Changbin trailed off, chewing nervously on the inside of his cheek. “Can I tell you… later… when we’re alone?” he asked and Hyunjin furrowed his brows but nodded.

As Hyunjin finished up at work, Changbin sat by the counter, just nervously tapping his pen against his notebook. What would he say?

“You ready?” Hyunjin suddenly asked and Changbin jumped in surprise. He’d been so caught up in his thoughts he hadn’t noticed that Hyunjin had left to get changed.

“Y-Yeah,” he stuttered and hastily stuffed everything into his bag.

“You okay?” Hyunjin asked, concern lacing his voice.

“Just fine,” he said, but Hyunjin didn’t seem to believe him for a second there. “I… well… I’ll tell you when we’re… somewhere private.”

“Okay but… you know I’m not going to judge you for anything, right?” Hyunjin said and Changbin hummed, chewing on his bottom lip. He knew, but he couldn’t help to worry.

They walked in silence to a secluded area of the beach, close to where they had kissed. Changbin enjoyed writing lyrics here and Hyunjin had confirmed that not a lot of people came here.

“Is this okay?” he asked. “Or do you… want to go home to my place?”

“This is… this is fine,” he said and Hyunjin nodded mutely. They both sat down on the sand, staring out over the ocean. Changbin knew this would come up at one point or another, but he cursed himself for not preparing better for it.

He took a deep breath. “I have anorexia,” he finally said. “I… well I’m recovering from it but… I just have a hard time eating or drinking anything than water, at least when I’m out in public. It’s… a lot better than what it’s been…” He ran a hand through his hair. “I just get nervous around food… and you.”

“You get nervous around me?” Hyunjin raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“I don’t… Uh I don’t know…” Changbin looked down. “I like you a lot and I… I don’t know… it’s just something telling me I… can’t? I can’t explain it… but I… I’m working on it.”

“Thank you for telling me,” Hyunjin said, placing his hand on top of Changbin’s. “You’re doing good.”

“Not good enough,” Changbin mumbled.

Hyunjin gently laced his fingers together with Changbin’s. “Don’t say that. You’re doing good.”

Chan and Jisung often told Changbin that, especially Chan. They were Changbin’s pillars in life, making sure he didn’t crumble. Hearing Hyunjin, someone outside Changbin’s little safety bubble, say that meant a lot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_The one who wakes,_

_must be prepared;_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“What do you think Jisung is actually doing?” Changbin asked, frowning as he looked up from the book he was reading and looked over at Chan who was sitting in the other corner of the couch. It was past 8 p.m and Jisung was just nowhere to be seen. It had started after they had gone on that cave tour. After that, they just started to see him less and less.

“I have no idea,” Chan sighed, running a hand through his hair. Changbin noted that Chan hadn’t straightened his hair, not even once, since they’d gotten here. He usually kept it as it was if they were just staying home and straightened his hair if he had to go out.

“He’s not in… any trouble is he?”

“I don’t think so,” Chan said and Changbin hummed. “He would tell us if he was. He’s a pretty honest kid,” he continued and Changbin hummed again, running his hand through his hair. He was really worried about Jisung, to be honest.

“Would he… do you think he’d go back to… that time?” he asked carefully, glancing at Chan. Chan froze for a second. There was this time in their life where it was hard for all of them. It was before Chan was on his meds, before Changbin had met with his dietician and before Jisung had started seeing his therapist. It was a generally messy time and back then Jisung had just… shut off. He had isolated himself from Chan, Changbin and the rest of the world. He was just a walking shell back then.

They’d gotten far since then, all of them, but Jisung sometimes showed the signs of relapsing and it was worrying.

“I don’t know,” Chan finally said, sighing. “I don’t know.” He sounded defeated and Changbin felt bad for asking, for bringing it up, but he was really worried. He never wanted that Jisung to come back. He wanted this Jisung. This happy and energetic, sometimes confused and lost, kid who just loved to sleep and write music.

“I’m sure he has a reason but…” Changbin trailed off, closing his book. “I’m worried for him.”

“I am too,” Chan said, pressing his lips together in a thin line. Changbin placed his book to the side and moved over to sit beside Chan, leaning into his side. Chan slung an arm around Changbin and Changbin just sighed, pressing his ear again Chan’s chest. He could hear Chan’s calm breathing and the steady beat of his heart. They stayed like that, silent and deep in their own thoughts until Changbin fell asleep to the sound of Chan’s heartbeat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_On how to survive._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Changbin made sure to keep a tight grip of Hyunjin’s hand as they walked through the caves. He had been in the caves, not just these tunnels, before and Jisung had gotten lost here. He’d hate to get lost.

“Do you know the tunnels?” Changbin asked, staring at the crystal around them in wonder. He had seen some of the crystals when they had been there with the tour guide but Hyunjin had brought him in deeper, to tunnels almost just covered by the crystals. The crystals Changbin had seen before were just plain, catching on the light of their flashlights as they had walked through the caves. But these ones were glowing, bioluminescent, emitting a light bright enough for them to shut off their flashlights.

“I have relatives that are… tour guides of sort,” Hyunjin said, tugging at Changbin’s hand. “They’re from here and has been working as guides here but has moved since. I’ve been at a few tours.”

“It’s pretty,” Changbin breathed, moving to link his arm with Hyunjin.

“You’re prettier,” Hyunjin said, glancing down at Changbin. Changbin’s heart stuttered. He turned and looked at Hyunjin. He didn’t know how to reply to him. So he did the first thing he could think of.

He kissed Hyunjin.

Or more like tried. Changbin was shorter and Hyunjin wasn’t helping him by leaning down or anything.

“This is awkward,” Changbin mumbled, turning his head to the side. Hyunjin laughed, his chest moving against Changbin, and placed a hand on Changbin’s cheek, tilting his head up. Hyunjin’s face was illuminated by the crystals around them, the light bringing out the green of his eyes. He was breathtaking.

Hyunjin leaned down, kissing Changbin and Changbin grabbed a hold of Hyunjin’s shirt, tugging him as close as he could.

“That was… less awkward,” Changbin said as they parted and Hyunjin laughed, gently taking Changbin’s hand.

“It was nice,” Hyunjin said, gently tugging at Changbin’s hand to pull him along, deeper into the caves. “There’s a really cool cavern ahead, you’re gonna love it.”

“This is amazing,” Changbin said as they walked through the tunnels slowly, looking all around. “I’m… wow I should have brought my notebook.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” Changbin breathed. “I have… I have a lot of things to say.”

“Is that how you use your music?” Hyunjin asked, glancing over at Changbin. “I guess most musicians use their music as an instrument to share their thoughts.”

“Yeah I guess,” Changbin murmured, eyes still scanning the tunnels. “I just… I like to talk about things in my music… to share my struggles with others and… maybe help others, you know,” he continued, shrugging and Hyunjin squeezed his hand gently.

“That’s really nice of you,” he said and Changbin finally looked over at him, smiling. “I actually listened to some of your music on soundcloud.”

“Oh.”

“It’s really good,” Hyunjin said, studying Changbin’s face as he raised a hand to stroke his fingers along Changbin’s jaw. “I like it a lot.”

“Oh,” Changbin breathed, trying to bite back a smile. “I’m… I’m glad to hear that.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Let us be true,_

_because to us the world lies ahead of us;_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hey Changbin,” Chan said as Changbin approached the front porch. Chan was sitting at the small table on the front porch, coffee on the table and notebook in his lap. “Did you and Hyunjin have fun?” he asked and Changbin nodded, grinning as he sat down.

“We went through the caves today,” he said excitingly and Chan smiled. “He knows the tunnel systems in these ones very well and oh god it was amazing Chan. He kept talking about an extended family and how they were in the tour guide business, sort of, so that’s why he knows them so well.”

Chan was silent, only nodding as he just looked at Changbin. “Can I ask you something?” he finally asked and Changbin furrowed his brows but nodded. “What are you and Hyunjin?”

Changbin froze. What were they? He… he didn’t know actually. They held hands, they kissed, but they had never… they had never defined their relationship.

“I-I don’t… k-know,” he stuttered, suddenly feeling very insecure. Oh god what were they? Changbin didn’t want them to be just a stupid summer thing. Hyunjin had mentioned summer thing. Changbin knew he couldn’t expect them to be a forever thing either, but he wanted… he wanted it to be something meaningful. He didn’t want to be something tossed to the side when the fun was over he didn’t-

“Hey,” Chan said sharply, snapping Changbin out of his own world. “Look at me,” he said and Changbin did. He didn’t notice that Chan had stood up and was standing beside his chair. “Breathe,” he continued to instruct and Changbin inhaled sharply. “Let’s go inside,” Chan purposed and Changbin just took the hand Chan was offering him.

When they got inside, Changbin’s legs just gave in under him and he held onto Chan for dear life.

“I don’t- I don’t know,” he whispered, tears threatening to fall down his cheeks. “I don’t know what we are and I- I don’t want it to be nothing.”

“It’s not nothing,” Chan said, rubbing Changbin’s back. “It’s something but I… I think you need to define it, for both your and Hyunjin’s sake. You both deserve a clear relationship, don’t you think?”

Changbin tightened his grip of Chan’s biceps and leaned his head against Chan’s shoulders. “He hasn’t… he hasn’t brought it up… what if it’s just a summer thing and he’ll just toss me away when he’s done?”

“I don’t think Hyunjin is that kind of person,” Chan said and Changbin sniffled, using every bit of will he had not to cry. “He doesn’t seem like that, based of what I know. Maybe he’s just as scared as you are.”

“Maybe,” Changbin whispered and Chan continued to rub his back. “I’m sorry I’m… not spending a lot of time with you,” he continued, changing subject. Chan just shook his head, small smile on his lips.

“Don’t worry,” he said, tightening his hug of Changbin before letting go. “I think I’ll survive,” he continued and Changbin nodded, chewing on his bottom lip.

“I know you work hard,” Changbin said quietly and Chan shrugged. “Please take care of yourself.”

“I will, I will,” Chan said and patted Changbin on the shoulder. “Promise you’ll talk to Hyunjin?”

Changbin broke into a smile and nodded. “Promise.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Like a land of dreams._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Changbin stared at the house in front of him and then down on his phone. The address was correct, he was at the right place but… did Hyunjin really live here?

Changbin glanced around before knocking on the door. He actually felt a bit nervous. What if he met Hyunjin’s parents? Did they live here? They had to, because the house was enormous, basically a mansion. He couldn’t have afforded this by himself.

“Hey!” Hyunjin said as he opened the door. “Come in,” he said, stepping to the side and let Changbin enter. The house was as grand on the inside as the outside. Changbin looked around the entrance with wide eyes. Just how rich were Hyunjin’s parents?

“Are you… do you live alone?” Changbin asked and Hyunjin laughed, shaking his head.

“No not completely,” he said, closing the door and Changbin tilted his head. “My parents they don’t… Well they live in the city now, they like it better than this small beach town, but I have relatives that sort of live with me.”

“Sort of?” Changbin questioned, an eyebrow raised.

“Yeah well,” Hyunjin laughed, gently taking Changbin’s hand to drag him into the living room. “They live close by, but more than often someone comes to stay here with me and enjoy the town, especially my… cousins.”

“Do you have a lot of cousins?”

“We’re not really cousins, I just call them that because we grew up close but yes, there’s a lot of them,” Hyunjin said and Changbin looked around the living room. It was huge and could easily fit 20 people. Hyunjin’s house was more like a hotel than a house people actually lived in.

“It’s amazing,” Changbin breathed and Hyunjin chuckled. “No really, I mean it.” He looked around again.

“Do you want anything?” Hyunjin asked But Changbin shook his head.

“I’m fine, thank you.”

“Do you…” Hyunjin suddenly sounded shy. “Do you want to see my room?”

Changbin blinked, staring at Hyunjin for a second before smiling. “Yes please.”

Hyunjin nodded, grabbing Changbin’s arm to pull him along. They walked through a hallway, covered in paintings of the ocean and fish and then up the marble stairs. This was getting bizarre.

Changbin wasn’t sure what he expected but he was surprised as he entered Hyunjin’s room. It was very plain and simple, compared to the rest of the house. He had a white desk, office chair, a decent sized bed and a huge fish tank. The only expensive thing in this room was the fish tank.

He looked around the room once again and then approached the tank. Glancing inside, Changbin couldn’t see any fish but the goldfish mindlessly floating around.

“Do you only have one fish?” he asked, looking away from the tank and at Hyunjin who frowned.

“Yes?” he said, raising an eyebrow. “Are you suggesting I would have more fish in that tank?”

“Well, it’s a big tank right?”

“But he needs space!” Hyunjin defended and Changbin looked back at the goldfish. “I can’t just cram a lot of other fish in there. What if the other fish are mean to him?”

“I’m… he doesn’t look very smart… he might not understand that the other fish are being mean to him,” Changbin said and Hyunjin gasped dramatically.

“He’s a smart boy!” he said, offended, and turned to the tank to look at the floating fish. “Don’t listen to him Sir Cuddles Fluffytail the third.”

Changbin choked.

“What?” he wheezed and Hyunjin looked even more offended.

“If you have a problem with my fish, you may leave,” he said dramatically and raised his chin. Changbin laughed, grabbing Hyunjin’s hand and lifted it to his lips, pressing a quick kiss on his knuckles and when he glanced up at Hyunjin, Hyunjin was grinning.

“He’s cute if anything,” Changbin said and Hyunjin rolled his eyes, still grinning. “I was just wondering if he was lonely.”

“He has me,” Hyunjin said, looking at Sir Cuddles.

“May I ask something though?” Changbin began and Hyunjin tilted his head. “Why the name?”

“He’s really cuddly, I promise!” Hyunjin said, glancing at the fish and Changbin raised an eyebrow. “He’ll cuddle you one day and you’ll see!”

“If you say so…” Changbin said, biting back a grin and Hyunjin chuckled. A silence fell over them and Changbin bit his lip, a bit nervous all of a sudden. Should he ask Hyunjin now or should he wait…

“You okay?” Hyunjin asked and Changbin took a deep breath.

“What are we?” he asked and Hyunjin frowned, tilting his head. “I mean… are we just a…” he trailed off, his voice trembling. “A summer… thing… or what… what are we? What is our relationship?”

Hyunjin was quiet for a moment, his moss green eyes studying Changbin. Changbin felt a bit uncomfortable under his gaze, as if Hyunjin was staring through his soul. “What do you want us to be?” Hyunjin finally asked.

“I-I…” Changbin swallowed. “I-I want this to… to mean something,” he whispered and looked down, avoiding Hyunjin’s eyes. “I don’t… I mean… I really like you Hyunjin and I-” he cut himself off when Hyunjin squeezed his hand and he looked up.

“If you want,” Hyunjin began, his eyes sincere and gentle and he was smiling. It made Changbin’s heart race. “If you want… we can be… boyfriends…” he sounded just about as uncertain about it as Changbin. But it made Changbin so unbelievably happy, firework exploding in his chest and leaving his whole body warm and tingling.

Changbin didn’t realize he was crying until Hyunjin gently wiped the tears off his cheek. He sniffled, free hand shooting up to dry the remaining tears.

“Did I… say anything?” Hyunjin asked, worry lacing his voice and Changbin shook his head.

“No, I’m… I’m… I’m happy,” Changbin said, squeezing Hyunjin’s hand. “I’d… I’d like to be… your boyfriend.”

“Boyfriends,” Hyunjin echoed, leaning closer to kiss Changbin. Changbin placed a hand on Hyunjin’s cheek, fingers brushing over the dry spot behind Hyunjin’s ear. When they parted, Hyunjin grinned widely, letting go of Changbin’s hand to cradle his face in his hands and nuzzled his nose against Changbin’s.

“Sir Cuddles is looking,” Changbin whispered and Hyunjin broke out into laughter. Changbin grinned, kissing Hyunjin again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_So beautiful,_

_so calm,_

_so new._

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Changbin got back, the sky was dark, the sun had set and Chan was sitting at the kitchen table, writing something in his notebook. Changbin wasn’t surprised. Chan was always up, always busy.

“Hey,” he said as he placed his bag on one of the chairs. “I’m gonna go to bed, maybe you should too.”

“I’ll just finish some things up,” Chan replied before standing up. “How did things with Hyunjin go?”

“They went…” Changbin trailed off, licking his lips nervously. “Good.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah…” He tried biting back a wide smile but failed. “We’re boyfriends.”

Chan was already smiling but as soon as the words left Changbin’s mouth, his whole face brightened. “So you talked it out?”

“Yeah we did!” Changbin said, nodding his head and Chan gave him a gentle shove.

“I told you it would be fine,” he said and Changbin just nodded, trying to hold his smile back. “I’m happy for you Changbin.”

Changbin didn’t say anything, he just smiled. “Is Jisung home?”

Chan raised an eyebrow. Jisung was barely home anymore, if they would call this cabin their home. If he was, he was just sleeping until three or four in the afternoon and then he was gone. It was slightly worrying. Chan said Jisung was seeing someone but it was getting extreme.

“Should we talk to him?” Changbin asked after a heartbeat of silence and Chan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Just… ask what’s going on? He’s seeing someone… sure but I’m still worried about him.”

“I think we’ll talk to him… if we manage to catch him when he’s home,” Chan said and Changbin nodded, staring down at the floor. “Get some sleep,” he continued, ruffling Changbin’s hair.

“Are you gonna sleep?” Changbin asked, taking his bag. He knew the answer but he wasn’t giving up asking.

“I’ll just finish this, then I’ll go to bed,” Chan said and Changbin sighed. He knew Chan would stay up all night anyway. “Goodnight Binnie.”

“Goodnight Channie.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_You have given me so much,_

_how do I repay you?_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Changbin entered the kitchen at 6.50, bleary eyed and brain a bit hazy. Chan was sitting at the kitchen table, coffee cup beside his laptop. He had probably been sitting there the whole night.

“Morning,” he said as Changbin entered and Changbin just grumbled a reply as he went to get his morning coffee. He wasn’t a human without his coffee. Chan seemed to respect that and kept quiet until Changbin had taken his first sip of coffee. “Did you sleep well?”

“It was okay,” Changbin said and Chan hummed. “Has Jisung returned?”

Chan shook his head, sighing again. “No. I checked his room. It’s empty.”

Changbin nodded, taking another sip off his coffee. He sat down at the kitchen table, beside Chan and leaned his head on Chan’s shoulder, watching as he worked on the tracks. After about ten minutes, just as Chan had gotten up to get another cup of coffee, the front door opened. Jisung entered the house quietly and as soon as he locked eyes with Changbin, he just offered him a sheepish smile.

“Jisung,” Changbin said, raising an eyebrow and Jisung’s eyes flickered over to look at Chan behind the kitchen counter. “It’s seven in the morning.”

“Uh,” Jisung began as he looked between the two. He looked tired. Tired but very happy. Changbin wanted Jisung to be happy with whoever he was seeing, but he also wanted to know what the hell was going on. “I… uh, I’m tired? Can I go to bed?”

“I think we really need to talk,” Chan said and sat down beside Changbin. Changbin gave Jisung a pointed look.

“W-why?” Jisung stuttered, his ears red. Changbin took a sip of his coffee. “I’m just… I’m just out late. That’s all.” Changbin didn’t believe him at all. There was so many things Jisung weren’t telling them.

“Sit,” Chan said in that soft, parent like tone he used with them sometimes. It felt like Chan and Changbin were Jisung’s parents about to interrogate him about something. Changbin rubbed his temples as Jisung sat down in front of them. “You know we care about you right?”

Changbin couldn’t hold back the small smile as Chan spoke. He wasn’t lying when he said that. Chan and Jisung were Changbin’s family and he would go to the end of the world for these two. Jisung was staring down in the table but as Chan spoke, he lifted his head and looked at them with wide eyes.

“I’m getting really worried about you,” Changbin said carefully. Jisung bit his lip and Changbin let out a little sigh. “I knew you came home late and woke up around noon, but this is starting to become ridiculous.”

“I-” Jisung began but sighed, sounding defeated. He sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t… listen,” he said, biting his lip as he looked up at Chan and Changbin. “You know I’m seeing someone, right?”

“Sure,” Chan said, taking a sip of his coffee and Changbin nodded, keeping his gaze fixed on Jisung. “You told us that much but this still seems a bit too extreme.”

Jisung nervously ran a hand through his hair. “His… his name is Felix,” he finally said, looking down. Changbin could see his cheeks turning pink, his ears already bright red. “I talked to him today and he… he said he wanted to meet you two… so uhm… if you… if you want, we can go and meet him tomorrow, or uh… later today.”

Changbin felt relief wash over him. Meeting this… Felix… would sure make things easier. He would have preferred if it hadn’t taken this long for them to get an actual answer but it was better than nothing.

Jisung carefully lifted his head and Changbin could see how nervous he was about this.

“That sounds great,” Chan finally said and Changbin nodded in agreement.

“Hyunjin and I are going trekking in like an hour but I should be back before noon,” he said and Jisung nodded, holding back a yawn. Wow he was really tired. “I’m guessing we’re meeting him around dinner time right?”

“Yeah,” Jisung said. “He… his sleeping schedule is… different,” he just said and Changbin held back the urge to roll his eyes. “Can I go to sleep now? I’m really tired.”

“Sure,” Chan said and Jisung stood up, quickly scurrying out of the kitchen. “Sweet dreams Jisung!” he called after him. As soon as Jisung was gone, Chan just shook his head. “That kid.”

“That kid,” Changbin said in agreement and Chan playfully shoved him.

“You’re just a year older,” he said and Changbin hummed, drinking his coffee.

“He’s still ‘that kid’ though,” he said and Chan rolled his eyes before grinning. “He’s very cute.”

“He is,” Chan said, turning his head to look towards the doorway. “He is.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Embrace me,_

_for who I am._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Changbin didn’t really understand exactly what Felix was until an hour after he and Chan had gotten back home. He hadn’t even really had the time to digest the fact that he’d met a real merperson until a day later when Felix walked through the door.

He was sitting at the dining table, trying his best to mix some music that he could present to Chan, nursing a cup of coffee. He needed at least two tracks before they went back home. As he was working on it, the door creaked and he looked up.

In walked Jisung, arms linked with Felix. A very human Felix. Changbin choked on his coffee.

“Are you okay?” Felix asked, clearly worried and Changbin nodded, coughing.

“I’m fine,” he wheezed and Felix looked even more worried. “Don’t worry.”

“I think you just startled him,” Jisung said as he and Felix made their way over to the couch. Changbin noted how unstable Felix looked on his feet and how he seemed to use Jisung to keep his balance. “Felix got legs,” he said, directed at Changbin who by now had stopped coughing.

“I’m not blind, but thank you for clarifying,” he said sarcastically. Jisung’s ear turned red and Felix laughed.

“Did you tell him anything about merpeople?” Felix asked. Changbin narrowed his eyes at Jisung. “I take that as a no then.”

“He hasn’t really told us anything,” Changbin said. “He sleeps at different times than me.”

“That’s my fault,” Felix said sheepishly and Changbin just shook his head, amused smile creeping up on his lips. “But basically.. uh, we merpeople have varying degrees of magic. But with some training, most of us can get legs and… pass as somewhat humans.”

“You know what,” Changbin began and Felix raised both eyebrows, waiting for him to continue. “Nothing even surprises me anymore.”

“Oh,” Felix said as Jisung snorted.

“But the… spell,” god that felt weird to say, “makes you somewhat human?”

“Yeah,” Felix said, pointing at his ears. Changbin hadn’t taken note of them because they looked human. The fins he’d had before were gone.

“This is slowly getting very weird,” Changbin said flatly and Jisung snorted again. “I don’t know what to do with all this information.”

“You seemed to take me being a merboy pretty well,” Felix said and Changbin leaned back in his chair, taking another sip of his coffee.

“I didn’t understand what was going on until I got back with Chan,” he said and Felix laughed. “It was just too bizarre at that time.”

“But you’re… fine with me?” Felix asked after a second of silence and Changbin furrowed his brows. “I mean… you’re Jisung’s family… I… I don’t know…”

“Honestly,” Changbin began and Felix bit his bottom lip. “As long you make Jisung happy, which you do, I’m happy.”

Felix beamed and Changbin noted how both his freckles and eyes seemed to light up with a warm bronze glow. He could see why Jisung fell for Felix. He sent Jisung a knowing look and the tips of Jisung’s ears turned red. Changbin took his coffee and moved to sit in the couch beside Felix and Jisung, listening to Felix describing merpeople in more detail.

It made sense that merpeople existed. It wasn’t something Changbin had really thought about a lot, but hearing Felix talk about them, it made sense. Why would humans be alone? They hadn’t explored the oceans nearly enough.

“What’s the deal with the glow?” Changbin asked after about half an hour of Felix going in on details on the merfolk customs and magic.

“I’m… well there’s the sub-types of merfolk,” Felix began and Changbin nodded. “There’s the reef type, they often have bright colors on their fins and eyes. There’s the freshwater ones, they’re supposed to have softer colors, like pastel but I don’t know. I’ve never met one. Then there’s the deep sea merfolk. I’m a deep sea merboy and the glow thing is… well, we usually have darker colors and the glow going on.”

Changbin hummed, nodding. He looked down in his now empty cup and stood up. “I’m just gonna get some more coffee. Do you want anything?” he asked and Felix just blinked at him.

“I’m good,” Jisung said and Changbin looked at Felix.

“How about you Felix?” he asked and Felix blinked again. “Coffee? Coke? Water?”

“What’s a coke?”

“I’ll get you one,” Changbin said as he went to the kitchen. He quickly just refilled his own cup, got a can of coca-cola from the fridge and headed back to the living room. But he stopped in the doorway. Jisung and Felix were basically sitting on each other, their foreheads almost touching and Changbin could see that they were whispering to each other, but he couldn’t hear what they were saying. “I would say gross but I’d do the same if my boyfriend was here too.”

Both Jisung and Felix jumped in surprise as he spoke and Changbin just shook his head. He hadn’t seen Hyunjin since yesterday and he was starting to miss him. This didn’t help.

“Here you go,” Changbin said, holding out the can to Felix before sitting down. He took a sip of his coffee and then glanced at Felix. Felix looked at the can as if it was something from outer space. “Uhm… Jisung…” Changbin said, rolling his eyes when he realized that Jisung was busy staring at Felix’s face. “Maybe you should help your boyfriend.”

“Oh.” Jisung blinked. “Here,” he said, carefully taking the can from Felix just as he was about to shake it. “Lesson number one, don’t shake soda cans.”

“Why not?” Felix asked, tilting his head. He was cute, like a little puppy.

“Because there’s bubbles,” Jisung explained, opening the can with a small pop. “And it might start bubbling a lot if you shake it.”

Felix nodded, eyes fixed on the can. Jisung just shook his head, fond smile on his lips as he handed the can to Felix. It made Changbin happy; to see Jisung like this. To see Jisung happy made Changbin happy.

They were all kind of messed up and had found some comfort with each other, but seeing Jisung coming out of his shell like this made Changbin unbelievably happy.

A weird sound suddenly brought Changbin out of his thoughts and he looked at Felix. Felix’s face was scrunched up and he was making a weird choking sound.

Oh.

Felix hadn’t tried any fizzy drinks before.

“Oh,” Changbin said and Jisung turned to look at him. “I didn’t think about that. Sorry.”

“What is this?” Felix asked, face still pulled together in a grimace and Jisung gently pried the can out of his hands. “No, no, no, I still want it!” Felix whined as Jisung pulled it away from him. “Is that the bubbles?”

“Yes,” Changbin said. “I should have warned you about it. Sorry about that.”

“It was fun!” Felix said, face relaxing and lips stretching out in a wide smile. “It tickled!” he continued and reached for the can again. Jisung gave him a look before handing it back. Changbin just watched, amused, as Felix took another sip and shuddered as the bubbles hit.

“That’s pretty cute,” he commented, glancing at Jisung who just nodded. He was about to say something else but stopped as Chan appeared in the doorway. His curly hair was tousled and his eyes sleepy. He’d probably taken an indirect nap (aka fallen asleep where he was sitting) and just gotten up. “Hey Chan,” Changbin said and raised the cup. “There’s coffee if you need it.”

“I need it,” Chan mumbled, his voice rough. He grumbled something else and walked to the kitchen, feet dragging along as he went there. “Hi Felix,” he said as he walked past and Felix was staring at Chan with wide eyes.

“He’s always like that after he’s been sleeping,” Changbin explained and Felix nodded slowly, lips shaped like an ‘o’. He looked really lost. “He’ll be fine, give him five minutes.”

About five minutes later, after a few clangs from the kitchen, Chan emerged. He looked more like a human now, eyebags still apparent and hair tousled.

“Hold on,” was the first thing he said as he stood in the doorway, staring at Felix. “What?”

“Jisung forgot to mention something to us,” Changbin began as he stood up to get some more coffee. “Merfolk apparently have magic.”

“What have what?”

“Felix has legs and apparently it’s something merfolk can do,” Changbin said as he passed Chan in the doorway. Chan just blinked.

“Oh,” he said, glancing down at the coffee in his hand. “I’m confused.”

“So was I,” Changbin said as Chan drowned the cup of coffee in a go. What the fuck. “Are you okay?”

“Peachy,” he said. Changbin knew better than to push for an answer. Chan would talk to him… maybe… “I’m gonna go and… get some sun, get some lyrics going,” he said and Changbin frowned. The whole point of them going was to relax and get away from everyday life for a while, maybe write and work on some song but... Chan wasn’t… doing that… and it was worrying.

“Be careful, okay?” Changbin said as Chan left the kitchen. Chan just hummed.

“Is he… okay?” Felix asked quietly, breaking the silence. “He doesn’t look okay.”

“He’s… usually okay,” Jisung said after a moment of thinking. “But sometimes… sometimes it’s like this,” he continued and Felix frowned, tilting his head. “He’s… I think he needs some time to himself.” Felix nodded and Changbin chewed the inside of his cheek. Jisung glanced at him before standing up, beaming at Felix. “Wanna see my room?” he asked and Felix lit up, literally.

It was weird, but Changbin figured he would just have to get used to it. The glow of Felix’s freckles and eyes brightened, casting a faint golden light over his surroundings.

“Can I ask something?” Changbin asked as Jisung helped Felix up on his feet. Felix looked over at him, eyes wide and curious. “What makes this… glow… change?”

“Well,” Felix said, holding onto Jisung for dear life. “I don’t really know. It just… does what it want? It gets a bit duller when I’m sad and brighter when I’m happy but I don’t really know.”

“Oh,” Changbin said and Felix just sheepishly grinned at him. “Well don’t let me hold you guys back anymore. Go show him your room Jisung.”

Jisung’s ears were noticeably getting redder and Changbin just smiled, taking a sip of his coffee as Jisung pulled Felix away from the living room.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I am sorry,_

_for all my faults._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Changbin was sitting by the kitchen table when Chan returned. He still looked a bit bummed out, but not as lost and out of it as he had been this morning.

“Hey,” Changbin said as Chan sat down at the table. Chan stared down at the table for a second before he looked up. “You good?”

“Yeah,” Chan said, blinking. “I met Felix’s older brother.”

“What?” Changbin said, frowning.

“Yeah,” Chan said, looking as surprised as Changbin. “He thought I was Jisung and came to talk. It was all really weird.”

“I’d imagine…” Changbin said. He understood why Chan seemed so lost. “How was he?”

“He seemed genuinely worried about Felix,” Chan said and Changbin nodded. “But he’s a bit… harsh... Is Felix still here?”

“Yeah, I think so. I haven’t seen them leave so they should be in Felix’s room.”

“Maybe I should talk to Felix,” Chan hummed, rubbing his chin.

“Yeah maybe,” Changbin said as Chan stood up again. He walked out to the kitchen and Changbin went back to look at the lyrics he had written.

“What do you want for dinner?” Chan asked all of a sudden, peeking his head through the doorway. Changbin looked up, eyes wide and then at the clock. Okay, they were approaching dinner time. He hadn’t even noticed.

“I don’t… mind,” Changbin said, looking back at his notes. “Do you want me to ask Jisung and Felix? If they’re staying for dinner? Do you need any help cooking?”

“Yeah, that would be great,” Chan said. “You don’t need to help, it’s fine.”

Changbin nodded, standing up. He threw a glance over his shoulder before heading down the hallway to Jisung’s room.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Sought out by the evil here,_

_It shall find me without fear._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Felix had been more than excited about dinner and even more eager to help Chan cooking. The kitchen wasn’t big, so Changbin and Jisung just stood back as Chan and Felix were cooking, Jisung making sure Felix wouldn’t fall on his face.

While cooking, Chan had briefed Felix on the situation with his brother and Felix has just stared at Chan with wide eyes and then offered Jisung a sheepish smile.

“Minho is just…” he began as they were seated at the table. “He’s just overprotective.”

“He seems pretty intense from what I hear,” Changbin said, taking a small bite of his food. Felix sighed and looked down on his plate and on the cutlery beside the plate.

“He has reasons…” Felix said quietly and Changbin nodded, deciding to not press the matter further. “Now how… how does this work?” Felix asked, pointing down at the plate and the cutlery. “What do I do?”

Jisung bit back a smile and reached over, beginning to show Felix how to use them. Changbin looked over at Chan who was smiling widely at him. Changbin’s heart felt a lot easier now, knowing that Jisung was happy and in love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I’m tired, exhausted,_

_but I continue._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Changbin was about to gather up his stuff and leave when he heard the kitchen door, the back door, creaking open. Chan had left early, not really telling him or Jisung where he was going. “Hello?” Chan called out, followed by some mumbles that Changbin couldn’t really make out.

“Hey,” Changbin replied as the footsteps got closer. “Chan I have some beats I’d like you to listen to and- oh,” he stopped when he saw Chan exiting the kitchen, another guy trailing behind him. He had a round face but strong cheekbones, sharp and scanning eyes looking around the cabin and lips that curled in the corners of his mouth. Changbin noted the faint pink lines on his neck, raising an eyebrow. What were those? “Hi, I’m Changbin,” he finally said and the boy looked at him, taking in his appearance before going back to studying the house.

“Minho.”

Oh. Changbin held back a snort. He should have expected Minho to appear sooner or later. “Did you bring him here to drown Jisung?” Changbin asked, an eyebrow raised and grin on his lips. “I know Jisung is annoying but you didn’t have to be this extreme.”

“I’m not here for Josing or whatever,” Minho said, turning to look at Changbin with his sharp eyes and narrowed them. Changbin couldn’t hold back the snort this time and Chan just facepalmed. “Chan told me he had some music recommendations.”

“You should listen to our songs,” Changbin said, turning around to get his things. He was going to see Hyunjin again and he didn’t want to be too late. “Anyway, I’m going out.”

“Good luck loverboy,” Chan said as Changbin walked out the door. Changbin shook his head, grinning.

“You’re just jealous Chan!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_You make me happy,_

_you make me feel alive._

 

 

 

 

 

 

“So,” Chan began awkwardly as he sat down beside Changbin. Changbin looked up from his laptop, an eyebrow raised. It was dark and the only source of light in the room was the dim, blue light from Changbin’s screen. “I think I may or may not be dating Minho.”

Changbin knew Chan was seeing Minho on a regular basis now, but he was so busy spending time with Hyunjin he had barely seen Minho. “Oh?” he asked and Chan nodded, frowning.

“I don’t… know because we haven’t talked about it but we meet up and it feels like we’re going on dates,” he said and Changbin hummed. “I don’t know…” He sighed. “He asked me to try sleeping more though.”

“I don’t blame him,” Changbin said and Chan rolled his eyes. “No really, you need to sleep more. But what did you say? Are you gonna try?”

“Yeah,” Chan said, running a hand through his curly hair. “I promised him I’d try to go to bed at a reasonable time.”

“And a reasonable time is?”

“Before midnight at least,” Chan said and Changbin frowned, looking over to the wall clock.

“Well my good sir, you seem to be failing already,” he pointed out as the clock was beginning to approach 1 am. “Go to bed Chan.”

Chan grinned and shook his head, standing up again. “I’m gonna… I’m gonna try,” he said and Changbin just stared at him. “Don’t look so surprised. I’m just gonna try…” he trailed off and his playful expression turned serious. “How are you these days? You okay?”

Changbin tilted his head, not really understanding what he was hinting at. “Yeah? Why wouldn’t I?”

“I’m just… are you eating well?”

It hit Changbin that, yes, he was in fact eating well. He was eating at his regular hours and he… he hadn’t been thinking about food a lot lately. “Oh,” he breathed and Chan looked worried. “Actually I’m… I’m eating really well,” he said and Chan’s expression softened, small smile curling his lips.

“Good,” he said, ruffling Changbin’s hair softly. “I’m going to bed, don’t stay up too late.”

“I won’t, I won’t,” Changbin said, watching as Chan disappeared to his room, leaving him alone in the darkness with no light source but the glaring light from his laptop. “Goodnight,” he whispered to no one in particular.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_As long as I can remember,_

_I’ve been wrong;_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hyunjin was like a giant puppy, leaning against Changbin with his whole weight. They were watching _What We Do In The Shadows_ and Changbin hadn’t really kept up with the movie because Hyunjin was distracting him. Changbin was playing with Hyunjin’s hair, staring down at Hyunjin. Hyunjin was looking at the TV, eating his chips and giggling occasionally.

“Look,” he said, gesturing to the TV and giggling again. Changbin looked up, his fingers still tangled in Hyunjin’s black hair. “I like the werewolves the most.”

Changbin stared at the screen, watching as the group of vampires began to interact with the werewolves. Hyunjin had talked about this movie and about his favorite line.

 _“Hey, we don’t swear,”_ the leader werewolf said just as one of the other werewolves cursed.

_“Yeah sorry I just-”_

_“We’re werewolves not swearwolves,”_ the leader cut the other off and Hyunjin burst into a fit of giggles. Changbin just grinned, moving his hands through Hyunjin’s hair. His heart was about to burst out of his chest, so full with fondness for Hyunjin. As he continued to just brush his fingers through Hyunjin’s hair, his fingers suddenly brushed over the skin behind Hyunjin’s ear. Hyunjin suddenly tensed up, a hand shooting up to the side of his head.

The skin had felt… dry, almost… it was weird. Changbin swore he could see a tint of blue green but he wasn’t sure.

“I have a dry patch,” Hyunjin said, glancing up at Changbin. Something twisted in Changbin’s gut as he stared into Hyunjin’s deep green eyes. “Come here,” Hyunjin said, rearranging himself a little so he could kiss Changbin. “What do you think about the movie?” he asked as they parted, a hand still on Changbin’s cheek.

“It’s good,” Changbin said, his mind swirling with questions. Hyunjin just smiled and sunk back into leaning onto Changbin.

“I’m glad you like it,” he said, glancing up before looking back at the screen. Changbin just stared at Hyunjin, biting his lip.

There was something that Hyunjin wasn’t telling him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Everyone are always saying_

_I have to be strong;_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Changbin was deep in thought, staring out over the beach from his spot on the front porch. The sun was barely visible over the horizon as sunrise were approaching. Everything was still and quiet. Chan was sleeping, something that almost never happened, and Jisung and Felix were slowly getting back to a somewhat normal sleeping schedule.

Changbin was the only one awake.

“Hey,” a deep voice suddenly said from behind and Changbin turned around. Felix carefully closed the door behind him and scurried over to Changbin. “Can I sit here?”

“Of course,” Changbin said and Felix sat down, looking out over the beach. “How do you like the human world?” Changbin asked after a moment of silence, glancing to his side at Felix. Felix was wearing a 3racha shirt, Changbin wasn’t very surprised, and the glow of his eyes and freckles were a warm and dull bronze, barely noticable if you didn’t know about it. He hadn’t noticed it before, but he did now when the sun was beginning to peek above the horizon and shine its light on them, but Felix had a small little earring in his left ear. Changbin made a little note to ask about that too.

“It’s… different,” Felix said, looking at Changbin. “Jisung has told me about how your world works and I’m really curious. I want to see more of it but it’s really different.”

“Do many of you… go on land?” Changbin asked and Felix thought for a second, chewing on his bottom lip. “You said most merfolks knew the spell to get legs, does that mean many of you go on land?”

“Well I mean… some do,” he said slowly. “I wouldn’t say there’s a lot, but there are a few who leaves the colony and decides to live on land.”

“How does that work? Like… with IDs and all that?” Changbin furrowed his brows and Felix just frowned back. “I’m sorry maybe you don’t know what that is. But like… phones? Clothes? How does it work?”

“My colony has… contacts I guess you could call it,” Felix said slowly. “Like… we have a house here in town and Jinnie lives there, he helps us with phones and clothes and contacts and all that. I don’t really… know a lot about that because I didn’t learn this until recently.”

“Oh,” Changbin said, chewing on his bottom lip. Jinnie? “I see.”

“Can I ask you something?”

Changbin looked up and Felix was looking back at him with wide, curious eyes. Changbin shrugged, offering Felix a small smile. “Sure, ask away.”

“Jisung told me you all met at a music camp… and… I don’t know… he doesn’t really talk about it a lot… he mentioned that he was thrown out because he liked boys and came to live with you and Chan… I’m curious… just… uhm…” he trailed off, rubbing his nape. “Is this normal?”

“Homophobia and kids being thrown out because of their sexuality?” Changbin asked and Felix just nodded, dejected expression on his face. “Yeah it’s pretty common. Jisung and I were lucky to have Chan to catch us.”

“Were you… thrown out as well?”

“Yeah,” Changbin said, running a hand through his hair. “I told my parents and they weren’t really happy with that. It was less… dramatic… than Jisung’s experience, but it was something…”

Felix nodded again, letting out a small hum and a heavy silence was hanging in the air around them. Changbin sighed, he felt bad for pulling down the mood.

“Have you gotten used to feet and walking?” he asked, trying to change the subject.

Felix lit up, going from looking dejected and sad to look happy. “It’s getting better and better,” he said, grinning. “I still have a bit of problem with my balance but that’s probably just a practice thing,” he said looking down on his feet and Changbin just looked down too without really thinking.

He hadn’t seen it before but Felix was missing two toes on his right foot, red scars running up his calf.

“Before I was born… my egg was damaged,” Felix said and Changbin looked up. “I’m from a colony of deep sea merfolk… I’m supposed to live in the deep sea but when my egg was damaged, my colony just left me.”

“Oh.”

“Minho’s parents took me in, unsure if my egg would hatch or not,” Felix continued, looking out over the beach. “I’m eternally grateful for them. My fins are a bit deformed and it took me a while until I could swim properly.” He ran a hand through his blond hair. “I’m sorry I’m just rambling.”

“No don’t worry,” Changbin said, shaking his head. “If you need an ear I’m happy to listen. If anything, I’m learning something new.”

Felix just smiled.

“How does the fin affect you now?”

“I can’t… swim in strong currents,” Felix began slowly and Changbin nodded. “I have been trying to swim down and get back deeper down, but the currents are too strong and my fins can’t handle it…” He sighed. “I don’t really mind, I’m happy where I am now but… when I was younger it was tough.”

“You didn’t fit in I guess?” Changbin said and Felix looked at him, strained smile on his lips.

“It’s hard to fit in when you’re a glowstick,” Felix joked.. “I mean… I wasn’t bullied or anything, but I still felt… out of place. I have a different sleeping schedule than the others and the sun makes me uncomfortable.”

“How does the sun work now when you’re… somewhat human?” Changbin asked, looking out over the beach and the rising sun.

“It makes me a bit squirmy if I stay in it for too long but it’s much better than normally,” Felix said. “I like the sun. It’s nice.”

“Yeah.”

“Sunrise is nice too,” he continued. “I’ve been watching sunrise a lot with Jisung. Before I just usually headed inside my cave before the sun could rise.”

“It’s really nice, yeah,” Changbin said as he looked over the landscapes ahead of him. It was beautiful, the sun’s golden rays reaching out to touch the view in front of him. “Sunrise has such a big meaning…” he began and he saw Felix turn his head in the corner of his eye. “New day, new chances, new beginnings.”

“Jisung has said something like that too,” Felix pointed out and Changbin nodded, eyes still trained on the sunrise. “It’s… He really cares about you and Chan.”

“We’re family,” Changbin mumbled and then he looked over at Felix. “I’m glad he found you though. He’s been… a few years back he was just… a shell. He was isolating himself from everyone and when he started seeing you… I was worried about him. I thought he was falling back into his old pattern. You have no idea how happy I am that he’s… just in love,” Changbin said, smiling as he could see Felix averting his eyes, a bit embarrassed. “You make him so happy. Thank you.”

Felix smiled, his freckles sparkling brighter. “I’m really happy he found me too… He makes me really happy.”

Changbin smiled, looking back as the sun rose fully above the horizon. He didn’t say anything else and Felix didn’t either. They just sat there on the front porch in a comfortable silence as Changbin finished his coffee.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_The voice in my head is saying:_

_give up._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Changbin wasn’t know what to say or think. Something had been off with Hyunjin, he knew that from the beginning but he felt... let down. He thought Hyunjin trusted him enough to tell him these kind of things. They had established that they were in a relationship, boyfriends. Changbin ran a hand through his black hair. They had been seeing each other for a while now and Changbin had trusted Hyunjin with his struggles. He had bared himself for Hyunjin.

He sighed, staring at Hyunjin’s house door. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. He could hear the footsteps approaching and Changbin’s heart was starting to race in his chest.  When the door was swung open, Changbin was greeted by the two dull green eyes, gleaming curiously. Changbin had always been enchanted by Hyunjin’s eyes, but the first thing that came to mind was Minho’s reply, when Changbin had asked him that question.

_Are vibrant eyes a telltale sign of someone being a merperson?_

_‘Sometimes.’_

Maybe Changbin should have asked him about it as soon as Minho had told him that. But he… he didn’t want to destroy what he and Hyunjin had. He wasn’t sure. He didn’t-

“Hey,” Hyunjin said, face splitting into a grin and Changbin blinked rapidly, snapping out of his own thoughts. “Did we schedule anything today? I didn’t forget anything did I?”

“You didn’t,” Changbin said, offering Hyunjin a small, strained smile. “Can I come in?”

“Sure,” Hyunjin said, green eyes studying Changbin intently. “What’s up?”

“I…” Changbin took a deep breath and Hyunjin looked worried. There was no point in draging this out. “Are you… a merboy?”

Hyunjin looked stunned, eyes wide and jaw slack. Changbin’s heart dropped. It wasn’t like… it wasn’t like Hyunjin being a merboy was wrong, but he felt lied to. He and Hyunjin had been… dating for a few weeks… maybe Hyunjin didn’t trust him enough, like Minho who didn’t trust humans at all, but… Hyunjin knew him well enough… right?

“Yes,” Hyunjin finally said, voice barely a whisper and Changbin swallowed. “I should… probably have told you about that, shouldn’t I?”

“You think?” Changbin asked, his question coming out much harsher than he intended and Hyunjin flinched. “Listen I just… I get that you may not trust humans but… you know me right?”

Hyunjin looked Changbin over, eyes sad and Changbin’s stomach churned uncomfortably. “I do,” he finally said. “And I… I trust you Changbin… It just didn’t… seem important?”

“Didn’t seem important?” Changbin asked. “For fucks sake, that’s literally what you are? And you don’t think it’s important?”

“I-“

“I told you about myself, I shared everything with you,” he hissed. “And I get nothing back?”

“I was going to tell you…” Hyunjin whispered, head low. “I just didn’t know… when… and I didn’t know if you would freak out or not…”

“So instead you lied?” Changbin asked. Hyunjin didn’t reply, he just kept his head low. “Maybe we should like… stop.”

“What?” Hyunjin asked, snapping his head up. His eyes were glossy, as if he was on the verge of tears. “No, Changbin, I-”

“What’s the point if you can’t even be honest with me?” Changbin whispered. He felt vulnerable and betrayed. He had gotten too involved with Hyunjin, too attached. To continue would risk getting even more hurt. He wasn’t ready for that. “Maybe we should take a break,” he mumbled and turned around, opening the door to leave.

“Changbin-” Hyunjin called but Changbin just slammed the door behind him. As soon as it was slammed shut, he ran.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I want to hold you in my arms,_

_forever._

 

 

 

 

 

 

An hour after leaving Hyunjin’s house, Changbin felt ready to head back to their cabin. He had been hiding at the beach, in that secluded area Hyunjin had showed him once. It was nice, being alone with the sunset to just sort everything out. Changbin inhaled sharply, trying to collect himself. He was tired, eyes puffy from the crying. He rubbed his eyes before pushing the door open.

“Hey,” Chan said as Changbin entered the cabin. He was alone, for once. Minho was nowhere to be seen. Chan looked him over, eyebrows furrowing. “Are you okay?”

“Where’s Minho?” Changbin asked, ignoring the question. He just wanted to take his mind off Hyunjin. Anything.

“He’s with… a friend,” Chan said and Changbin could tell he was keeping something from him. Chan had this look when he wasn’t telling the whole truth and right now, he had that look on his face. “What’s up? You okay?”

“Hyunjin is a fucking merperson,” Changbin said and Chan didn’t look surprised at all. Oh for fucks sake. “You knew?” he hissed and Chan winced, closing the lid to his laptop.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “Minho and I met him yesterday. They’re childhood friends. They exchanged number and… Minho’s with him now, he called like… half an hour ago.”

“Fuck.”

“What’s with it though?”

“He didn’t tell me…” Changbin whispered, suddenly feeling defeated. “I feel… betrayed…” He sighed. “I told him everything about me… and he couldn’t even tell me this…”

Chan sighed, running a hand through his unruly curls. “I don’t think that’s the case. I think he was trying to be considerate.”

“Whatever,” Changbin mumbled, tears welling up. “I’m going to bed.”

“He cares a lot about you Changbin,” Chan said as Changbin left the room. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Bathe me in your light._

 

 

 

 

 

 

Changbin knew better. He knew his eating schedule. He knew what his doctor had told him, how important it was that he kept to his schedule and how he really shouldn’t, for any reason, stop eating. He had been making progress. He shouldn’t let something like Hyunjin affect him like this.

He was sitting in the bathroom, on the lid to the toilet, staring down at his hands. He should have eaten lunch. His hands were trembling and his vision was swimming. He felt tired, exhausted and lightheaded.

A knock on the door snapped him out of his thoughts. “Changbin?” Chan called out from the other side. “Are you in there?”

“Yes,” Changbin called out weakly, unsure if Chan could actually hear him. He wanted to sleep.

“Are you okay?”

Changbin opened his mouth to reply but he just couldn’t get anything out. His vision was getting spotty and he was so dizzy.

“Changbin?” Chan called again. “I’m coming in,” he announced and the door was opened. Huh. Changbin must have forgotten to lock it. “Fuck,” Chan cursed, barely audible. It felt like his ears were stuffed with cotton. He said something else but Changbin couldn’t hear him.

“JISUNG!” Chan shouted, loud enough for Changbin to hear. Changbin barely registered it when Chan helped him up on his feet. His knees buckled under him and he leaned his full weight on Chan.

“I’m sorry,” he managed to get just as Jisung put his arm around him. “I’m so sorry.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I'm sorry._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Changbin?” Chan asked as soon as Changbin cracked his eyes open. “Are you with me?”

“Yes,” Changbin managed to get out. His throat was so dry.

“Here,” Chan said, helping Changbin to sit up. “Drink,” he instructed as he held out a glass of water. Changbin placed both hands around Chan’s hand on the glass as he drank. “Minho is making some porridge. Is that okay?” Chan asked and Changbin nodded.

They sat there in silence and Changbin just stared down on his bed covers. He felt terrible, his stomach screaming for food and the guilt was threatening to eat him alive. He shouldn't have skipped all those meals.

“I fucked up,” he whispered, not daring to look at Chan. He was a disappointment. First to his parents, and now to Chan too. “I’m so so-“

“Changbin,” Chan cut him off, placing a hand on his thigh. Changbin looked up. Chan was smiling at him, gently. “I know you think I’m disappointed. I’m not.”

“But-“

“I’m worried,” Chan said and Changbin looked down again. “But not disappointed.”

“I just… I had so much to think about and I forgot… I… I’m sorry,” he whispered and Chan moved his hand to place it on his shoulder, rubbing it gently.

“Let’s talk about that later, let’s focus on getting you some food first, okay?” he said and Changbin nodded, even though the mention of food made him feel sick. He needed to breathe and calm down. He could do this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Bring me joy,_

_bring me peace._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It took another two days until Hyunjin knocked on their door. Changbin was making sure to follow his schedule now, refusing to fall into another slump like that. Chan, Jisung, Felix and Minho were all very helpful while making sure to check on him.

Changbin was standing in the kitchen, cup of tea in his hands as he looked out through the kitchen window. The sky was dark as the clock was approaching 10 pm.

“Oh… Hi Hyunjin,” Changbin could hear Chan say as the front door creaked open. Changbin’s heart jump started, quickly picking up speed in his chest. “Yeah Changbin… Changbin is here,” Chan said and Changbin licked his dry lips. His hands were trembling as he held onto his tea cup for dear life.

“Can I… talk to him?” Hyunjin asked, the sound of his voice just making Changbin’s heart skip. He could feel his legs becoming weak. He was so nervous. He knew he should talk to Hyunjin, to solve it. Hyunjin had become a big piece in Changbin’s life and even if it might not be forever, he had realized that he didn’t want to let Hyunjin go just yet.

“He’s… be kind to him okay?” Chan said, voice soft. “I’m sure the last few days has been rough for both of you. But… be a bit careful with him, okay?”

“I promise,” Hyunjin said, his voice trembling slightly and Changbin swallowed hard, trying to not drop the tea cup.

“He’s in the kitchen,” Chan said and Changbin’s heart stopped for half a second. “Don’t scare him when you enter.”

“I won't,” Hyunjin said quietly. “Thank you.” Changbin could barely hear the footsteps creaking over the wooden floor, his blood rushing in his ears and heart hammering in his chest. He leaned against the kitchen counter, finally placing the cup down. “Changbin?” Hyunjin asked and Changbin looked up from the floor.

Hyunjin looked… sad… dejected… tired. Changbin just stared at him, nervousness washing away and he just felt drained, tired. He didn’t want things to be like this. He wanted everything to be like it used to be.

“I’m so sorry,” Hyunjin finally said, his green eyes glossy and a lump was growing in Changbin’s throat. He tried to swallow it. “I should… I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” Changbin whispered, swallowing again. “I shouldn’t have overreacted… I shouldn’t have gotten so angry about it… I just… I understand why you didn’t tell me… and I didn’t ask… I’m sorry.”

“I don’t… I don’t want to be away from you,” Hyunjin breathed as he took a few careful steps towards Changbin. Changbin gripped the kitchen counter with all he had, his legs threatening to give up any second now. “I… I shouldn’t… I don’t- what do you want?” Hyunjin was stuttering, stumbling over the words and didn’t manage to find the right words. He sighed and ran a hand through his black hair.

“I want…” Changbin began, his voice trembling. “I want you and me to be… us… I don’t… I don’t want it to end because of this.”

Hyunjin nodded, taking a few more steps towards Changbin until he was close enough for Changbin to touch him. They remained silent, the only sound in the room was the sound of their breathing. Changbin reached out, his fingers brushing against Hyunjin’s arm. Hyunjin was looking at him, uncertainty swimming in his eyes.

“Come here,” Changbin said softly, wrapping his fingers around Hyunjin’s arm and tugged him closer, opening his arms. Hyunjin wrapped his arms around Changbin and Changbin pressed his nose into Hyunjin’s chest, holding back a small sniffle. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Hyunjin’s arms around him was like a warm and safe blanket, his nose pressed into Changbin’s hair. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his hands holding onto Hyunjin’s shirt for dear life.

“I’m sorry too,” Hyunjin mumbled into Changbin’s hair, tightening his grip around him. “I never wanted things to… to become like this.”

Changbin hummed, just holding onto Hyunjin and listening to the steady and strong beat of his heart. He then leaned back a little and glanced up at Hyunjin.

“Do you… do you wanna stay the night?” he asked, chewing on his bottom lip. Hyunjin took a moment, just studying Changbin’s face. Changbin could see that his eyes were glossy as well and he reached up to gently stroke the skin under Hyunjin’s eyes.

“Yes,” Hyunjin finally said, gently taking Changbin’s hand to press his lips against Changbin’s palm. “I’d love that.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I have so much to say,_

_but where do I begin?_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They were laying face to face, the dim light of the bedside table lamp being the only source of light in the room. Hyunjin had borrowed a shirt and shorts from Chan. Changbin was just staring at Hyunjin, tracing invisible patterns on his arm.

“Would you…” Changbin began and Hyunjin blinked at him. “Would you show me your tail?” Hyunjin widened his eyes, chewing on his bottom lip. “You don’t have to…” he added quickly, averting his eyes.

“I can do that…” Hyunjin said, taking Changbin’s hand in his own. “I just- how much do you… know about merfolk? How much have they told you?”

“A bit,” Changbin replied and Hyunjin hummed, looking down and playing with Changbin’s fingers. “I know you have magic,” he continued and Hyunjin looked up again.

“I…” he trailed off, chewing on his bottom lip. “There is a spell for us… to get legs and vice versa…” Changbin hummed, giving Hyunjin’s hand a gentle squeeze. “I haven’t… I haven’t done it in a while… so if… if you can give me a day to get everything… that’d be… great…” he said, voice quiet and Changbin just nodded.

“I can wait,” he said, stroking his thumb over Hyunjin’s hand. Hyunjin just stared at him as they laid on the bed before inching a bit closer. Changbin didn’t say anything, he just moved closer until his nose was almost touching Hyunjin’s. “I’m sorry I overreacted,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Hyunjin whispered back, his breath ghosting over Changbin’s lips. His eyes flickered down to Changbin’s lips before up to meet Changbin’s eyes. Neither said anything, but both closed the small distance between them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I thank you,_

_for entering my life._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

”Uhm…” Hyunjin trailed off as they walked over the cliffs. The cliffs were all smooth and warm under Changbin’s bare feet and the setting sun was illuminating their surroundings. Changbin looked up at Hyunjin, tearing his eyes away from the cliffs as he was trying to make sure he didn’t slip or step on a loose rock. “I haven’t…” he began but trailed off again. He looked nervous and Changbin understood him. He was nervous too. “It might take a bit of time…”

“It’s okay,” Changbin said slowly and Hyunjin licked his lips nervously. They continued to walk along the cliffs until they reached a small lagoon. As soon as they reached it, Changbin understood why Hyunjin had wanted to go here. It was a small, round and quite shallow pool of water, deeper towards the center and exit to the sea, shielded from all sides by the cliffs. It was very private.

“This is very embarrassing,” Hyunjin mumbled and Changbin just remained silent. He didn’t know what to say. What was appropriate to say in this situation? “Do you… uh… can you turn around?” he asked, glancing over at Changbin. Oh he looked really nervous.

“Sure,” Changbin said, turning around. “Want me to… uh… hold anything?” he asked, glancing back but Hyunjin just shook his head.

“Just please don’t… look until I tell you,” he said and Changbin nodded. He could hear Hyunjin heaving a deep sigh and then the rustle of clothes. Changbin looked down on his hands, fiddling nervously with his fingers. He didn’t know what to expect.

A small splash was heard as Hyunjin entered the water and Changbin almost spun around before he remembered that he’d promised Hyunjin to wait until Hyunjin told him. He could hear Hyunjin mumble something in a language he couldn’t understand, followed by a quiet curse.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Let me try again,” Hyunjin said, voice shaky and Changbin hummed. He heard Hyunjin mumble again, again in the language he couldn’t understand and suddenly a bright light lit everything up behind Changbin. When the light had died down, Hyunjin spoke again.

“You… you can turn around now,” he said and Changbin spun around. Hyunjin was submerged up to his nose in the middle of the pool, but the water was so clear Changbin could see everything anyway. Instead of legs, Hyunjin had a very real, shimmering blue green tail. His fins weren’t narrow like Felix’s, but more… feather like… maybe this was what Minho’s tail looked like. Changbin hadn’t seen Minho’s tail, he’d only heard Chan and Felix describe it.

The most striking thing, however, was Hyunjin’s eyes. Minho had told him that as humans, their eyes would become duller so they wouldn’t stick out as much, but he wasn’t prepared for this. Hyunjin’s eyes were bright green and piercing. Changbin’s heart was racing in his chest as he moved closer to the water. Hyunjin was staring intently at him, seemingly looking for any evidence of disgust on Changbin’s face.

“You’re beautiful,” Changbin breathed as he reached the edge of the pool. He sat down, feet and calves submerged in the water. From the cliff he was sitting down to the surface of the water, it was about 30 centimeters.

“You don’t think I’m…” Hyunjin trailed off, as he got even closer to Changbin. “Gross?”

“Why… why would I think you’re gross?” Changbin asked, his brows furrowed. Hyunjin shrugged, placing his hands on the edge of the pool. When he was this close, Changbin could see the scales crawling up his abdomen, reaching up to his chest before it merged into skin. Hyunjin’s back was almost just scales, stretching all the way to his shoulders and upper arms till it finally merged to skin. “You’re… You’re still the Hyunjin I fell… in love with…” he said, voice quiet.

Hyunjin stared at him, his bright eyes wide. “Can you… lean down…” he mumbled and Changbin nodded, pulling his legs out of the water to lie down on his stomach. He rested his chin on his crossed arms as he kept his eyes on Hyunjin. Hyunjin let go of the edge to inch closer to Changbin.

“You’re not going to drown me, are you?” Changbin asked as he was face to face with Hyunjin. Hyunjin just smiled softly, cradling Changbin’s face in his hands and then he pressed his lips against Changbin’s. He tasted like salt.

“I would never let you drown,” Hyunjin said as they parted and Changbin smiled, reaching out a hand to caress Hyunjin’s chin. As he ran his fingers along Hyunjin’s jaw, he could feel scales there too.

Ah.

“Yeah…” Hyunjin said, averting his eyes. “It’s the scales…”

“So the dry patches were actually scales?”

“Yeah,” Hyunjin sighed. “I… I’ve gotten pretty good at covering them up… I don’t really like them.”

“Why?”

Hyunjin looked troubled. He bit his lip. “I don’t… I don’t want to be a merboy,” he finally said, still look meeting Changbin’s eyes. “I just want to be human… normal you know.”

“If you were just human… you wouldn’t be Hyunjin. Not this Hyunjin. Not my Hyunjin and I…” Changbin swallowed. “I wouldn’t be your Changbin.”

Hyunjin let out a small sound that sounded suspiciously like a sob. “My Changbin,” he said and Changbin swore he had a mini heart attack. Changbin didn’t reply immediately, he just kissed Hyunjin deeply.

“My Hyunjin,” he mumbled against Hyunjin’s lips. He was so in love and he never wanted to let Hyunjin go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I thank you,_

_for loving me._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Changbin cracked his eyes open as Hyunjin shifted a little, scales gently scratching against Changbin’s legs. He was staring up into the orange sky, as the sun was setting, before looking back at Hyunjin. The last rays of the sunlight was reflecting on Hyunjin’s scales as the brushed against Changbin’s bare skin. Hyunjin was resting on his elbow, looking down at Changbin with his vibrant green eyes. Hyunjin was tall as a human, and in his real form his tail was even longer than his legs. He could easily wrap around Changbin. He was literally wrapped around Changbin, as if to shield him from the world as he looked down on him with so much fondness in his eyes.

“You’re gorgeous,” Changbin breathed before he could stop himself. Hyunjin didn’t reply, he just placed a hand on Changbin’s jaw, stroking his thumb over his cheekbone. “Why would I ever think you’re gross?”

“I’m a fish, am I not?” Hyunjin finally said and Changbin nodded. “I… humans are generally grossed out by fish, right? When I was still living with the colony I wasn’t really… the less scales you have, the better you fit in. We have our beauty standards, just like you humans do…”

Changbin nodded, moving a hand to place it on the Hyunjin’s back, brushing his fingers over the sand covered scales.

“I tried to scratch the scales away a few times but… you know, it doesn’t really work…” he said, humorless laugh slipping past his lips and Changbin’s heart squeezed painfully. “I’ve been told a few times that I look… gross… too much like a fish,” he continued as Changbin’s fingers moved from his back to the side of his torso, fingertips ghosting over the gills over his ribs. “It was a long time ago… it’s stupid but I keep thinking about it.”

“It’s not stupid,” Changbin said, looking right into Hyunjin’s eyes. He could see so much doubt and fear in Hyunjin’s eyes and he… he recognized it. “Those… those kind of things stick with you.”

Hyunjin didn’t say anything, but he just kept studying Changbin’s face intently, turning his hand to stroke the back of his fingers over Changbin’s cheek.

“I was the ugly kid in school,” Changbin finally said. “You know, the odd kid who didn’t really look like everyone else and was too shy to reach out. An easy target.” He swallowed. This was things he tried to not think about, to push back. “There was always something wrong with me. I was too quiet, I looked scary when I didn’t smile, I looked weird when I smiled, I was too loud when I actually dared to play with the other kids and I ate too much.”

Hyunjin observed Changbin’s face for a moment, leaning down a little so his nose was almost touching Changbin’s. Changbin looked into Hyunjin’s eyes, his heart beating fast in his ribcage. He moved his hand again, brushing it over Hyunjin’s soft skin till he could place it firmly over Hyunjin’s heart. Hyunjin’s heart beat was strong and steady, calming.

“You’re perfect,” Hyunjin said, voice barely audible and his fingers ghosting over Changbin’s cheek.

“You are too,” Changbin said, his thumb stroking the skin over Hyunjin’s heart. “I-I love you.”

As soon as the words had left his mouth, it felt as if the world stopped. Changbin’s breath hitched, his heart stuttering and fingers trembling. He had his eyes locked with Hyunjin’s, his whole body frozen as he waited for Hyunjin’s reaction.

Hyunjin held Changbin in his eyes before leaning down, pressing his lips against Changbin’s. His chest pressed down on Changbin as Hyunjin all but laid down on him. Changbin didn’t mind that. He moved his hand from Hyunjin’s chest to the back of his head, deepening their kiss.

“I love you too.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Stay;_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Felix,” Minho tried as Felix clung to him. “Come on, don’t be dramatic.”

“But I-I’m,” Felix sniffled as he hugged Minho closer. Jisung placed a hand on Felix shoulder and Felix looked up.

“You can always stay,” he said but Felix quickly let go of Minho, shaking his head. “I’m serious Lix. If you want to stay, it’s okay.”

“I wanna see the city,” Felix said, glancing at Minho. “I’m just… I haven’t been away from them…”

“We can always have video calls,” Minho said and Jeongin nodded. Changbin could see the sadness in his eyes, and he understood. Felix was going to be away for a while and Changbin could only imagine how much Jeongin would miss him. “Chan promised we would call at least every second day.”

“I did,” Chan said just as he loaded the last bag into the car. “Now, can I have my boyfriend for a second?” he asked, glancing at Felix, an eyebrow raised. Felix just nodded, giving Minho a last hug before moving on to cling to Jeongin. Changbin looked away before Chan and Minho could be too gross. He could hear Jeongin complaining and he bit back a smile as he looked at Hyunjin.

“Promise to call?” Hyunjin asked, voice small as he took Changbin’s hand. Changbin gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and nodded.

“Every day,” he said, grinning widely as Hyunjin finally cracked a small smile. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too,” Hyunjin said, leaning closer to kiss Changbin. Changbin placed a hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder, fingers brushing over the scales as he tugged him closer. “This isn’t the end, right?” Hyunjin whispered, his breath ghosting over Changbin’s lips.

“This isn’t the end,” Changbin echoed, kissing Hyunjin again. “This is the beginning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god I'm so sorry it's been over a month since I updated ;;  
> School has started and I'll be struggling with a research project for my diploma but I'll try to update soon again. Thank you all so so much for the positive response on this. I love each and every one of you.
> 
> Extra thanks to:  
> Karen, my lovely beta. Isa, who is the whole reason this au happened. Vibeke, who read this even though she doesn't know skz at all and gave me a lot of ideas on how to continue with this chapter. My kids in the WNS group chat who are the best cheerleaders in the world and everyone on twitter who has been cheering me on!
> 
> Comments are always appreciated and helps a lot when writing. I love you all. Thank you so much.
> 
>  
> 
> [My twitter!](https://twitter.com/pinkpunchmango)
> 
>  
> 
> [Wanna ask smth or yell at/with me uwu?](https://curiouscat.me/sparklegay1337)


	4. Shimmering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shimmering. verb.  
> 1\. to shine with or reflect a subdued, tremulous light; gleam faintly.  
> 2\. to appear to quiver or vibrate in faint light or while reflecting heat waves.
> 
> noun.  
> 3\. a subdued, tremulous light or gleam.  
> 4\. a quivering or vibrating motion or image as produced by reflecting faint light or heat waves.

Summer passed, giving way for autumn. It was the cycle of nature and Jeongin was no stranger to the colder months. But he somehow felt colder than ever. Lonelier. He had his friends in the colony, he had the clownfish. But both Minho and Felix were… distant. In different ways.

Felix was still living in the city with Jisung. Jeongin was skyping with him regularly but it felt weird to not have him around. He hadn’t seen Felix in about two months. He and Felix used to see each other every day. With the city being a three hours bus trip away from here, seeing Felix wasn’t an easy feat and considering Jeongin had just recently started going into the human world, he wasn’t ready to go to the big city yet. He couldn’t really understand how Felix did it but he somehow managed to live there.

Minho wasn’t any better. Sure, Jeongin saw a lot more of Minho than he did of Felix, but Minho was going back and forth to the city to visit Chan. It was nice to see Minho wanting to blend in with the humans more, after two years of almost complete isolation from that world, and Jeongin was happy for him. But he was… lonely.

He had been going on land every now and then since Felix had moved. He had been staying at Hyunjin’s place every now and then and when he did, he usually skyped with Felix. But he wasn’t… he wasn’t feeling as home on land as he did in the ocean.

“Maybe I should find myself a human too?” he asked Dottie who just replied with a small ‘blub’. “Okay yeah point. I just feel alone.”

Buster swam up to him and rubbed against Jeongin’s arm. Jeongin let out a small little sigh, reaching out a finger to scratch Buster behind his gills. He liked the ocean, he couldn’t see himself finding a human to pull him out of the water. But Minho had changed… maybe Jeongin would find someone who would change his mind too.

He shook his head. He didn’t want to think about this anymore. He went back to play with the clownfish, wiggling his tail as Spec and Dottie began to nibble at his fins. They both shot away and Jeongin giggled as Buster bumped into him, tagging him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

❄

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Oh hi Jeongin,” Hyunjin said as Jeongin entered the smoothie shop. He hadn’t been here in a while and as he entered the shop, he realized that they had changed the colors in the shop from the pastel blues and pinks to a darker orange color. Jeongin breathed a sigh of relief as he entered the warm shop. He had only left himself jeans, t-shirt and a thin jacket at the cave since last time. He needed to make sure he left his thicker jackets there next time.

“Hey Hyunjin,” Jeongin said as he rubbed his own arm to get some warmth back. “You’ve… changed the colors,” he said, looking up at the menu. He brushed his hair back, still damp, and shivered again.

“It’s for halloween,” Hyunjin said, glancing up at the orange menu. Jeongin had no idea what that meant. “You look cold. Did you just get here?” he asked and Jeongin nodded, still rubbing his arms. “Sit down and I’ll fix a hot chocolate for you, okay?”

“A what?” Jeongin asked, tilting his head. He was still unfamiliar with humans and their things. Hyunjin just grinned and shook his head.

“Just sit down, okay?”

Jeongin hummed and went to sit down at one of the empty tables by the window. Minho had talked about this shop a few times, telling Jeongin all about their menu and how nice smoothie was. He had been here two times during the summer and Minho had been right, smoothie was really nice. But smoothie was also really cold and Jeongin didn’t really understand how they would make business during the winter months now.

“Here you go,” Hyunjin said and Jeongin looked up, snapping out of his own thoughts. Hyunjin was holding two cups in his hand and he placed a large cup topped with… whipped cream… in front of Jeongin and sat down in front of Jeongin. “I’m on a break,” he said, as if to answer the question Jeongin had yet to ask him. “Seungmin can manage for a while,” he continued, glancing over his shoulder at the counter. Jeongin followed his eyes and looked towards the counter as well.

Seungmin, as Hyunjin had called him, met his eyes and immediately broke into a wide smile, giving Jeongin a little wave. Jeongin just blinked and slowly raised his hand, giving Seungmin a tiny wave as well.

“Is he human?” Jeongin asked, slowly looking back at Hyunjin who took a sip from his cup of whatever it now was.

“Yeah,” Hyunjin said, placing down his cup and wrapped his hands around it. Jeongin reached out and took the cup Hyunjin had given him. Heat was radiating from it and Jeongin suddenly understood why Hyunjin had his hands wrapped around the cup. He followed Hyunjin’s example and wrapped his fingers around the cup, warming his cold fingers. “Try it,” Hyunjin said, motioning towards the cup. “But be careful so you don’t get burned.”

Hot chocolate sounded like a danger. Jeongin eyed the cup suspiciously and Hyunjin just chuckled. He continued to look at the cup for a moment longer until he carefully brought it up to his lips. The liquid in the cup, under all the whipped cream, was hot but not too hot.

“It’s good!” he exclaimed, eyes wide and Hyunjin laughed. “Can I… I don’t have the money with me… I left them at your place…” he said slowly but Hyunjin just waved his hand.

“Don’t worry,” he said, smiling widely. “It’s on me.”

“Are you sure?” Jeongin asked, taking another careful sip of the chocolate, toes almost curling with delight. Hyunjin nodded, still smiling. “How’s Changbin?” Jeongin asked and suddenly the smile on Hyunjin’s face fell. Jeongin’s stomach dropped. He knew Hyunjin was missing Changbin a lot. ”I’m sorry.”

”Don’t worry,” Hyunjin said, smiling. ”It’s fine.” Jeongin frowned and Minho smiled sheepishly. ”I miss him a lot but… he’s okay, they got the contract with the record label. So they’re releasing an album next month. After that they’re gonna… discuss details about living arrangement and all that.”

Jeongin remained silent, eyeing Hyunjin closely for a second. During the months Felix’s been gone and Minho been traveling back and forth, Hyunjin had become a close friend to Jeongin and he prided himself with being quite good at reading Hyunjin. ”You want him to move here, don’t you?”

”Yeah,” Hyunjin said, running a hand through his black hair. ”I mean… at least come back for another vacation,” he continued and Jeongin hummed, taking a sip of his hot chocolate. ”I miss him a lot. Skype calls just… it’s not the same.”

It wasn’t the same, Jeongin could confirm.

”Speaking of skype calls,” Hyunjin said and Jeongin snapped his eyes up, wide. Hyunjin’s phone was laying on the table and Jeongin could see the screen light up. ”Felix is asking if you could skype with him soon.”

”Oh,” Jeongin said softly, licking the whipped cream off his lip. ”Uhm… sure? If he gives me like… twenty minutes I can get back to your place and call him.”

Hyunjin grinned, picking up his phone to reply to Felix. ”He said sure,” he said and Jeongin nodded, finishing up his drink. As he stood up, Hyunjin reached out to place a hand on Jeongin’s. ”And Jeongin…” he began, smile on his lips. ”It’s our place, not just mine.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

❄

 

 

 

 

 

 

”Hey Jeongin!” Felix said as soon as the call connected. He was sitting on a couch, some paintings behind him. He looked happy, glowing both figuratively and literally, and Jeongin could see movement beside him. ”How are you?” Felix asked but Jeongin remained silent, squinting at the screen. There was something in Felix’s ear. It looked like…

”You got your ear pierced?” Jeongin asked as soon as he realized what it was.

”Yes!” Felix exclaimed happily. ”Minho already got two but I was… I was unsure how it would end up with my ears being actual fins so uhm… But it worked out just fine!” he said as he tugged on his earlobe, leaning forward to show Jeongin the small stud. “It’s still healing but Jisung said we can change it to another earring soon!”

“That’s great!” Jeongin said, smiling. He knew how much Felix wanted to get his ears pierced. “How’s the city?”

“Same as usual,” Felix said, smile dropping a little and his shoulders slumping. “It’s not… It’s not the same and I feel stressed a lot of the time… but I have Jisung here and…” he trailed off, running a hand through his blond hair. “That’s all that matters to me right now.”

“I heard from Hyunjin that they got the contract,” Jeongin tilted his head, trying to change the subject. As soon as he said it, Jisung leaned into the picture with a wide grin on his lips. Jeongin almost didn’t recognize him at first. Jisung had dyed his hair, to a bright blond color and it was curled, well styled and… Jeongin squinted.

“We finally did it!” Jisung said, excited. “Our album is released next month!”

“That’s exciting,” Jeongin said as he continued to study Jisung. This didn’t look like the Jisung he knew. “You changed your hair color.”

“I did!”

“And you styled it.”

“I- yeah?”

“You look…” Jeongin trailed off and Jisung raised an eyebrow. “You look… well put together.”

Felix broke out in a laugh and Jisung looked offended. “Don’t worry,” Felix said, pulling Jisung close to kiss him on the cheek. “He’s a mess 24/7, even if he looks this proper.”

“Good to know,” Jeongin said, fake gagging as Felix rubbed his nose against Jisung’s cheek. “I didn’t skype you to see you be lovedovey with your partner. How are… the studies?”

Felix laughed again, letting go of Jisung. He rested his chin on his hands as he looked at the screen. “It’s… tough, but I’m trying my best,” he said. Felix, while Jisung worked, was studying to maybe get a human job or get into university, whatever that was, Jeongin wasn’t sure. Their colony had this study material that was for merfolks that wanted to become a part of human society, which taught them the basics of how the world worked. Felix had told Jeongin earlier that he just wanted to have something to do and he’ll see what he wants to do later. “How are you Jeonginnie?” Felix asked, smiling widely.

Jeongin thought for a second. “Lonely,” he finally replied, truthfully and ran a hand through his hair. It felt odd when it was dry, he was so used to it being wet or damp.

Felix looked guilty and Jeongin’s stomach twisted. He hadn’t intended to make Felix feel bad. “We’re…” Felix began slowly, glancing at Jisung beside him. Jisung had a small, apologetic smile on his lips. “We’re planning a trip back soon… we’ll see when Jisung’s schedule allows it…”

“I see,” Jeongin said, not feeling especially comforted by it. “I miss you,” he whispered, looking at the screen. Felix’s expression softened.

“I miss you too,” Felix said and Jeongin nodded mutely. “I promise I’ll see you soon.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

❄

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hey,” the cashier and Hyunjin’s co-worker, Seungmin, said as Jeongin walked up to the counter. “You’re Hyunjin’s roommate aren’t you?”

“Roommate?” Jeongin asked, tilting his head and Seungmin frowned.

“Yeah? Don’t you like… live in his house? He calls you his roommate,” Seungmin said, brows pulled together and a confused look on his face.

Oh. “Oh,” Jeongin said softly before nodding quickly. “Yeah I’m his roommate.”

“Are you from the city too?” Seungmin asked, breaking out in a small, kind smile. “Like Changbin?”

“Uhm, no…” Jeongin said slowly. He didn’t want to weave himself into a too big web of lies, one he wouldn’t be able to control, so he had to really think before he spoke. “I’m from another small town,” he said, settling for a part lie. “I’m here on… vacation I guess.”

“So you and Hyunjin are friends? If you’re coming to live with him on your vacation I mean.”

“Our parents are friends,” Jeongin continued, which was not actually a lie. His parents and Hyunjin’s had been close friends until Hyunjin’s parents decided to move into the city and leave Hyunjin alone in town.

“That’s nice,” Seungmin said and Jeongin hummed. “Now, how can I help you? I’m sorry I just started asking a bunch of questions. I said this to Changbin too but it’s a small town, you notice the new people pretty quickly.”

“Ah,” Jeongin said, offering Seungmin an awkward smile. “Well uh… I was gonna look for Hyunjin, but I take it that he’s not here?”

“No he works the evening shift,” Seungmin said and Jeongin nodded. “Sorry.”

“No problem,” Jeongin said, waving his hand in the air. Then he looked up at the menu. It was still orange and he could see that they had added some ghost stickers since he’d been here the last time. He quickly scanned the menu, looking for the hot chocolate. “I’ll just… have a hot chocolate then,” he said and Seungmin grinned, nodding.

“One hot chocolate,” he said as Jeongin paid, reaching to his left to take one of the big ceramic cups. “I’ll bring it to you,” he continued, flashing Jeongin another smile. Jeongin just nodded, lips pressed together. He quickly went to get a table by the window, overlooking the beach. He was thankful that the town was located on a peninsula and basically had a beach in every direction possible.

He hadn’t brought anything with him, except the phone Hyunjin had gotten him. He picked it up and stared at it for a second before placing it down on the table and turned to look at the ocean again.

In the autumn, the ocean lost its beautiful and vibrant blue color, taking on a duller and darker blue. The sky was almost constantly gray these days and the breeze always disrupted the usually calm surface. Oh how Jeongin longed for the ocean. But… he didn’t want to be alone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

❄

 

 

 

 

 

 

The days where Minho actually was back in the ocean, Jeongin stuck to him like glue. Minho had been gone for a week, visiting Chan again and when he returned, Jeongin just attached himself to Minho’s side.

“I’m not going to complain but…” Minho said as they were resting on a large chunk of coral. Jeongin was curled up against Minho, seeking a bit of warmth among the cold currents. “You’re awfully clingy.”

“I missed you,” Jeongin mumbled and Minho cooed, placing a hand on Jeongin’s head.

“I missed you too baby,” he said softly and Jeongin just pressed himself closer to Minho. “I’m sorry I’m away.”

“No,” Jeongin mumbled, closing his eyes. “I get it, don’t worry.”

“I still shouldn’t… just leave you like this,” he said and Jeongin hummed. “I’m really sorry Jeongin.”

“You’re in love and I-” he sighed, opening his eyes again. He didn’t want to sound bitter… “I get that you want to be with Chan. Don’t worry I’m… I’m happy that you’re actually going on land after…” he trailed off again, hands reaching to gently brush over Minho’s gills. “I’m happy you’re happy. I’m just a bit lonely.”

“I’m… I’m really sorry Jeongin,” Minho whispered, his gills flaring slightly under Jeongin’s fingers. “I shouldn’t leave you alone… I promise I’ll… I’ll be a better brother.”

“Don’t… don’t say that,” Jeongin said. He hadn’t intended to make Minho feel bad, he just wanted to be honest about his feelings. “You’re a good brother, please don’t… think otherwise.”

“I shouldn’t leave you alone though…” Minho said, running his hand through Jeongin’s hair. “I know you don’t like being alone and now… uh… after they left… you have no one but Felix and me.”

Jeongin’s stomach dropped and he nodded. He had the clownfish, Dottie, Spec, Buster, Coral and Reef, but other than that… all he had was Minho and Felix. “Yeah…” he whispered, pressing himself even closer to Minho. Minho didn’t say anything else, he just wrapped his arms around Jeongin and hugged him closely.

Merfolks were sort of isolated creatures. At least Jeongin’s colony. They lived on the same reef, in the same caves, but still they barely interacted, not as adults. He remember playing with the other kids in the colony when he was smaller but as soon as they became of age, they all scattered.

It was understandable though. Merfolks tended to drift, to follow the currents. They were all pretty spontaneous beings, heading wherever life took them. Jeongin only met Minho and Felix, the other merfolk he just encountered by accident.

With both Minho and Felix more out of the water than in, Jeongin just really felt lonely. He hadn’t felt the need to find a partner before, because he had Minho and Felix, but now he really… It didn’t necessarily have to be a romantic relationship, he just wanted to find someone to stick with and drift along the waves with.

Their parents weren’t around either. Jeongin sighed as he curled up on the underwater rock. Their parents were prone to migrating, especially during the colder months. A lot of merfolks moved around, following the warm currents, and their parents were among those.

Jeongin hadn’t seen their parents in quite some time now. Not since they decided to migrate last autumn… He missed them sure, but he didn’t have the same relation to his parents as the one he had with his brothers. But he… still missed them a little. At least now… when he was all alone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

❄

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Uhm…” Jeongin said quietly as he approached the counter, eyes flickering between the menu and the girl at the counter. Jeongin had never seen her before and he suddenly became three times as nervous.

“Hello,” the girl said and Jeongin glanced at the little name tag. ‘Yuqi’. “How can I help you?”

Jeongin scanned the menu, licking his dry lips as he tried to decide. They had changed their menu again, back to the usual pastel blue and it seemed like all the items on the menu were the ones Jeongin had seen the first time he’d been here with Minho and Felix.

“I’ll have…” he began, still staring at the menu. Oh gosh he hadn’t expected someone else here, he was thinking Hyunjin or Seungmin would be here. “I’ll have a… coffee,” he said at last and Yuqi nodded, smiling warmly at him as he paid for his coffee.

“Just sit down and I’ll get it for you,” she said kindly and Jeongin nodded mutely, quickly moving to sit down by the window again. It was much nicer in the summer, when the ocean was clear blue and the skies were bright and people actually walked around. It looked sad and empty right now, the ocean a dark blue, the skies gray and no people. Jeongin sighed.

“I didn’t pin you as a coffee type of guy.” Jeongin snapped out of his thoughts and looked up to see Seungmin standing beside the table, a cup in each hand. He wasn’t wearing his usual uniform, but rather casual clothes. “I was just getting off work, I thought I’d bring it to you,” Seungmin continued, smiling widely. “Is it okay if I sit down?”

“Uhm, sure?” Jeongin said as Seungmin placed the cup in front of him before sitting down. He looked down into his cup, into the inky black liquid and suddenly second guessed his decision to get coffee. This didn’t look that good. He carefully lifted the cup and took a small sip, immediately grimacing as the bitter taste hit him.

“Oh,” Seungmin said softly and Jeongin could see him trying to hide a smile behind his hands as he looked up. “Maybe you’re not a coffee guy.”

“I was… uhm,” Jeongin stuttered, suddenly feeling very flustered. “I was just trying it out… m-my brother’s pa-boyfriend drinks a lot of coffee and I wanted to try.”

“I see,” Seungmin said and stood up. Jeongin just followed him with his eyes, brows furrowed in confusion as Seungmin reached out to gently take the cup from him. “I’ll get you something sweeter,” he said, disappearing before Jeongin could protest. Jeongin just looked at Seungmin as he went behind the counter and began to… do whatever baristas did. Hyunjin called himself a barista, so Seungmin had to be one too. Though Jeongin had no idea what it really meant.

He fiddled with his fingers for a while before Seungmin returned, a new cup in his hands. He placed it in front of Jeongin and Jeongin just looked between the cup and Seungmin. This had a layer of whipped cream on top, like the hot chocolate Hyunjin had made for him. “Thanks,” he said, licking his lips nervously but Seungmin just shook his head.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, picking up his own cup. “It’s a caramel latte. So it’s still coffee but it’s sweeter.”

“Oh,” Jeongin said softly, picking up the cup to take a sip. He was more careful this time, almost scared of the bitter taste. But to his surprise it wasn’t bitter at all. He looked down at the cup in surprise. “It’s really sweet,” he said and Seungmin just laughed, nodding. Jeongin took a moment to just look at Seungmin’s face. He was cute, his eyes crinkling in such a cute way when he smiled widely. “Thank you!”

“No problem,” Seungmin said, still smiling widely as took a sip of his own drink. “No problem at all.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

❄

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jeongin pressed himself against the coral as he watched the clownfish group play. Usually he would join them, play with them. But he had this gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach and he just… he felt tired. He just wanted to sleep and… he felt guilty for even thinking this, but he wanted to turn back time.

A little.

He wanted his brothers back. He wanted them to care about him like they cared about their partners. Or just care about him at all. Jeongin’s chest tightened and he blinked. Crying underwater sucked and he really wasn’t feeling like crying.

Buster suddenly tore himself away from the group and approached Jeongin, gently bumping against his chest. Jeongin just sighed, raising a hand to pet Buster softly.

“I don’t…” Jeongin began, his voice wavering and Buster looked up at him. “I don’t want to be alone… but I… I love the sea,” he said quietly and Buster let out a small bubble. “Yes I know… It’s all cool up there and yeah… but I want to stay here,” he said, running his finger over Buster’s back.

He pressed the palm of his free hand against his eye, trying to force himself not to cry. Buster tried to rub himself against Jeongin but the sadness just washed over Jeongin. His chest tightened and it felt like his gills just locked down, making him unable to breathe. Buster withdrew, pulling back to give Jeongin the space as he struggled to breathe.

It took him a few seconds but he finally gasped, ability to breathe returning. He blinked, his eyes hurting and he rubbed them harshly. He could see the whole group of clownfish had stopped playing and were looking at him, asking if he was okay.

“I’m okay,” he said, even though he knew that that was a big lie. He wasn’t okay.

 

 

 

 

 

 

❄

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With the winter approaching, the decision between land or sea came for Jeongin. Previous years he hadn’t had any problems picking. He had had Felix and Minho every previous year, but this year he was alone. He kicked a small pebble before continuing down the street, heading towards Hyunjin’s house. He knew he had to be quick about his decision, because the ice was setting in soon and if he didn’t decide quickly enough, he would be trapped on one side the whole winter and he wasn’t too fond about that.

It had gotten a lot colder during the two days he’d spend back home and he had just left himself jeans and a thin long sleeved shirt. It wasn’t ideal when the temperature was approaching freezing point. His whole body was tense as he made his way down the street. He could feel people glancing at him and he didn’t blame them. He must look pretty dumb right now, without a jacket in this cold.

“Jeongin?” He had been so deep in thought he hadn’t noticed Seungmin coming up to him. Seungmin was bundled up in a thick jacket and a scarf around his neck.

“Oh, hi Seungmin,” Jeongin said shyly, his face heating up. “How are you?”

“I’m good but…” Seungmin trailed off, looking Jeongin over. “Where’s your jacket?” he asked, brows furrowed and concern lacing his voice. It warmed something inside Jeongin. Someone actually cared about him.

“I uh…” Shit. Quick Jeongin, think of a lie. “I didn’t bring any with me from home.” Nice one.

“Oh,” Seungmin said, brows still furrowed. Then he unzipped his own jacket and it was Jeongin’s turn to frown. “Here,” he said, taking off his jacket and handing it over to Jeongin. “Take this.”

“I can’t just take your jacket,” Jeongin protested but Seungmin didn’t seem to bother.

“I live like 2 minutes away from here,” Seungmin said, pushing the jackets into Jeongin’s arms. “Please just take it before you get sick. Hyunjin’s house is quite far away.”

“But I-”

“You can come to the shop when you’ve gotten your own jacket,” Seungmin said with a smile and Jeongin felt himself give in, slowly pulling the jacket on. He wanted to curse when it came to the zipper. He disliked the human world but he truly _hated_ zippers. How in the whole world did they work? “Here, let me,” Seungmin said softly, moving Jeongin’s hands so he could zip the jacket for him. Jeongin felt even more embarrassed. “Better?”

“Better,” Jeongin confirmed, nodding his head and Seungmin smiled widely, his eyes doing that thing again. “Thank you,” he whispered, dropping his head a little.

“It is no problem,” Seungmin said and Jeongin glanced up to meet his eyes. “I don’t want you to get sick.”

“You should hurry home,” Jeongin said, stuffing his cold hands into his pockets. “I don’t want you to become sick just because you lent me your jacket.”

Seungmin smiled, nodding. “I’ll get going then. Make sure you’ll get yourself a jacket soon and come by the shop, okay?”

“I promise,” Jeongin said, watching as Seungmin left. He stood there at the street for a while, just staring down the road Seungmin had gone. He remained still, a light and warm feeling occupying his chest instead of that pressing sadness he’d been experiencing the last couple of days.

 

 

 

 

 

 

❄

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Felix asked if you were going to call him soon,” Hyunjin said over dinner and Jeongin froze. He’d been out of water a few times now, but he hadn’t called Felix or Minho in like five days. “He misses you.”

“If he really misses me he shouldn’t just ask me to call,” Jeongin said shortly, irritation finally starting to seep out. Hyunjin stared at him for a moment, eyes wide before his expression softened.

“Jeongin-” he began but Jeongin cut him off.

“I mean, he and Minho always tells me they miss me but what do they do? Minho comes back sometimes but he’s mostly just gone. They just left me all alone and then they tell me to call them because they miss me? Do I really-” He inhaled sharply. “Do I really mean that little to them?”

“Jeongin,” Hyunjin said, reaching over the table to place a hand on Jeongin’s. “You know how much they care for you. You should have seen-”

“They don’t care,” Jeongin all but spat and he felt guilty for a second as he saw the hurt look on Hyunjin’s face. “I’m just their annoying youngest brother who they were stuck with when our parents left and never returned.”

There was a silence and Jeongin struggled to control all the emotions that swirled inside his chest. His chest felt tight and he was having a hard time to breathe.

“Jeongin,” Hyunjin said softly. “Breathe,” he continued and Jeongin inhaled sharply, finally getting oxygen into his body again. “Calm down.”

Jeongin wanted to burst out yelling, but none of this was Hyunjin’s fault. He couldn’t blame Hyunjin for this. Instead he just bowed his head down and as if a dam broke, he started crying. He could hear Hyunjin’s chair scrape against the floor and how Hyunjin got up from the chair and went around the table.

A hand was placed on his shoulder and looked up to see Hyunjin just look down at him with a soft and apologetic smile on his face.

“I know how you feel,” he said quietly and Jeongin’s chest tightened. Hyunjin had basically been abandoned too and he had been left with the responsibility of being the colony’s connection to the human world. “I’m sorry.”

Jeongin sniffled as Hyunjin gently began to dry his tears.

“You want to cuddle?” Hyunjin asked and Jeongin just nodded mutely, feeling like he was going to cry if he opened his mouth. His lips were trembling as Hyunjin gently pulled him up on his feet. “We’ll deal with the dishes later,” he said, wrapping an arm around Jeongin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

❄

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jeongin felt a bit silly, but just the contact with someone else made him feel way better. He didn’t feel as lonely anymore. He still felt lonely and abandoned, but just laying with Hyunjin on the couch, watching some stupid movie, made everything feel better.

“I’m…” Jeongin began, tiredness lacing his voice as he snuggled up against Hyunjin’s arm. “I don’t know what to do this winter.”

“Oh,” Hyunjin said, sounding equally as sleepy as Jeongin. “Well… I was… sort of assuming you would be staying with me…” he let out a small, embarrassed laugh and rubbed the back of his head. “I was… uhm… you know, you’re like… my only company right now.”

Oh. Jeongin felt that same warm feeling he’d felt with Seungmin earlier. He felt… wanted.

“I… yeah… uhm…” Jeongin said, glancing up at Hyunjin. Hyunjin just smiled at him, eyes sleepy as he placed a hand on Jeongin’s head, gently threading his fingers through his hair.

“I’m not forcing you to do anything though,” he said. “I know you prefer the sea over land, but… I think we could have fun this winter… If you want to try a winter on land.”

“I’ll…” Jeongin trailed off. “I’ll think about it,” he said, guilt coiling in his stomach as he saw the guilt flash in Hyunjin’s eyes. Hyunjin pretended like he wasn’t affected by it, he just continued to smile at Jeongin and run his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be,” Hyunjin said, fingers gently scratching Jeongin’s scalp. “You’ll do whatever you want, okay?” he continued and Jeongin nodded, the guilt still eating him from inside.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

❄

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hello Jeongin,” Seungmin greeted as Jeongin entered the shop, drowning in Hyunjin’s jacket and Seungmin’s jacket bundled up in his arms. “Did you get a jacket?” he asked, amused smile on his face and Jeongin hid in the collar to the jacket.

“It’s Hyunjin’s,” he said quietly, holding out Seungmin’s jacket. “Thank you for letting me borrow your jacket.”

“No problem at all,” Seungmin said, smile still holding up on his face as he took the jacket from Jeongin’s hands. “But you should really get a jacket your own size, you look like you’re drowning.”

Jeongin blushed bright red, trying to hide his cheeks in the jacket.

“You’re really cute,” Seungmin said. God what was he trying to do? Make Jeongin explode? “But uhm…” Now it was Seungmin’s turn to stutter and stumble a bit over his words. He looked flustered, nervously chewing on his bottom lip. “Do you want to… go and buy a jacket for real? With me?”

Jeongin blinked and just looked at Seungmin for a while, trying to wrap his head around the situation. “Uhm… sure,” he said slowly, watching as relief washed over Seungmin, setting off a comfortable and warm feeling in Jeongin’s chest. “It’d be… great,” he added and Seungmin grinned.

“When do you have time?”

“Tomorrow? Later today? Uhm… I don’t- I don’t have anything else to do,” Jeongin said and Seungmin nodded, a serious and scanning look suddenly taking over in his eyes as he eyed Jeongin closely.

“Tomorrow? I have a later shift, but we can go out at 10? Is that okay?” Seungmin asked after a moment and Jeongin just nodded. “I’ll come by Hyunjin’s house, if that’s okay? Or do you want to meet up in town?”

Jeongin had little to no knowledge of the town and he didn’t want to get lost. “If you could come by the house… it would be great,” he said sheepishly. “I don’t know… how to find my way around town yet…”

“That’s okay,” Seungmin said and Jeongin’s chest felt warm and fuzzy again. What was wrong with him? “I’ll come by tomorrow then.”

“Great,” Jeongin said as he began to move back towards the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow then,” he continued, his voice wavering just slightly.

“See you tomorrow, Jeongin.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

❄

 

 

 

 

 

“Hyunjin,” Jeongin said, looking away from the TV screen. They were watching some old re-run of a show Hyunjin called _Friends_. Though Jeongin had no idea what a re-run was nor did the show really interest him.

“Yeah?” Hyunjin said, glancing over at Jeongin and away from his phone. He was probably texting Changbin. Jeongin swallowed hard and fiddled with his fingers. “Something’s bothering you?”

“I just…” Jeongin took a deep breath. “I want to stay here,” he finally said and Hyunjin’s eyes widened. “For the winter. I want to study something and… and stay here.”

Hyunjin didn’t say anything, he motioned for Jeongin to move over to his side of the couch. Jeongin quickly moved over and Hyunjin wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tightly.

“Is it okay if I stay?” Jeongin asked in a small voice as he made himself comfortable beside Hyunjin.

“Jeongin…” Hyunjin said, his voice trembling slightly. “Of course it is.” Jeongin glanced up at Hyunjin. He could see that his eyes were glossy and Jeongin’s chest tightened. “I’m glad you… you decided to stay.”

There was something in Hyunjin’s voice, the slight hint of loneliness and Jeongin’s stomach churned. He snuggled closer to Hyunjin, not saying another word as he went back to the movie. Hyunjin placed a hand on Jeongin’s hair, gently petting his head.

“I have a question,” Jeongin said, breaking the silence and Hyunjin hummed. Jeongin glanced up at him again and took a second to just look at Hyunjin, eyeing the scales that peeked out behind his ears. Hyunjin often masked the scales when they were outside the house, but inside the house he was so much more relaxed and didn’t bother to hide the scales. They gleamed softly in the light from the lamps.

“What do humans… think about us?” Jeongin asked slowly and Hyunjin’s curious look quickly turned to a frown, his absentmindedly petting of Jeongin stopping. “I know what Chan, Jisung and Changbin think… but humans in general… what do they think about us?”

“I don’t…” Hyunjin ran a hand through his hair, sighing. “I’ve had both good and bad experiences with humans. Just like Minho.” Jeongin shuddered. “Before Changbin…” Hyunjin began and Jeongin blinked, very interested now. “There was a boy… before Changbin.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” Hyunjin mumbled, clearly uncomfortable as he rubbed the back of his head. “I… I was… I guess I was in love with him. He was from out of town, visiting here during the summer and I really liked him. I thought… that maybe I should tell him the truth, of what I really was. I didn’t… I thought he would… I don’t know, maybe be shocked but then say ‘okay’ and we would… move on.”

“But he… he didn’t?” Jeongin asked, suddenly feeling scared.

“I… I look… uhm…” Hyunjin trailed off, fiddling with his fingers. “You know how I look right?” Jeongin nodded. “I’m sure if I just… wasn’t as much… fish… he wouldn’t have been that grossed out… but he was… he was pretty grossed out by me, called me a bunch of names and left.”

Humans were… weird. They had some pretty cool stuff and Jeongin was happy that Hyunjin and his brothers had managed to find nice humans. But he was really unsure of the human world as whole.

“So they think we’re gross?” he asked, voice small and Hyunjin sighed, moving his hand back to pet Jeongin’s hair softly.

“Not all of them,” Hyunjin said and Jeongin hummed. “But some do think we’re like fish and some humans don’t really like fish.”

“Some humans are really weird,” Jeongin mumbled, shifting a bit so he could see Hyunjin’s face. “I don’t think you look too much like a fish. I like all your scales.”

“I like your scales too,” Hyunjin said, finally smiling again as he carefully poked the scales at the base of his neck. “They’re pretty.”

“Yours are too,” Jeongin mumbled, feeling sleep washing over him. “I’m tired,” he continued, adjusting himself so he could see the TV again.

“Do you want to go to bed or finish the movie?” Hyunjin asked, amusement lacing his tone.

“Wanna finish the movie,” Jeongin said. He hadn’t even been paying that much attention to the movie but he wanted to stay on the couch with Hyunjin for a while longer. “Seungmin is taking me…” he trailed off, racking his brain for the right word. “Shopping, tomorrow.”

“Oh?” Hyunjin sounded very interested and Jeongin hummed. “Do you need any money?”

Oh yeah. Money were a thing in the human world. Jeongin had forgotten about that. “Is that okay?” he mumbled, his eyes drooping.

“Of course,” Hyunjin said, rubbing Jeongin’s arm. “The colony fund exists for a reason.” Jeongin hummed again. The colony funds were a account were some of the land living colony members, like Hyunjin’s parents, placed some money for the colony to use for human things when they came to the surface. Like Jeongin and a winter jacket.

Jeongin yawned, closing his eyes and his hands weakly gripping Hyunjin’s shirt as sleep claimed him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

❄

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You look cute,” Seungmin said when Jeongin opened the door. He had been waiting for Seungmin for about fifteen minutes, dressed in Hyunjin’s too big jacket. At Seungmin’s comment, Jeongin hid the lower part of his face in the jacket.

“You’re cuter,” Jeongin mumbled as he exited the house, closing the door behind him.

“What was that?” Seungmin asked but Jeongin just shook his head, mumbling a ‘nothing’. Seungmin raised an eyebrow before smiling again. “Are you excited?”

“Yes! I haven’t been shopping before,” Jeongin said without thinking and he wanted to smack himself in the face. He was so stupid. “In a big town I mean,” he quickly added, offering Seungmin a shy smile. “My hometown is pretty small and we don’t… My parents didn’t take me shopping in bigger places, ever.”

Seungmin studied Jeongin’s face and Jeongin felt nervous. Both because he had fucked up and revealed maybe a bit too much, and also Seungmin just made him feel sweaty and nervous.

“Do you have a hat and gloves?” Seungmin asked as they began to walk towards the town center and Jeongin just tilted his head. “Makes sense,” Seungmin continued and Jeongin frowned.

“What do you mean?” he asked just as Seungmin reached out to gently take his hand. Seungmin’s hand was colder than Jeongin’s, considering he had been outside and Jeongin had just left the warmth of the house.

“Nothing,” Seungmin said, smiling as he pulled Jeongin down the streets. “Nothing.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

❄

 

 

 

 

 

After going through four stores, buying a jacket, a hat and gloves for Jeongin, the two of them settled down at a cafe in the town center.

“I like your shop better,” Jeongin said as he sat down, placing all his bags on the floor. Seungmin laughed, placing a cup of hot chocolate in front of Jeongin. Jeongin immediately wrapped his cold fingers around the cup. The cold had really gotten worse just over the last few days and Jeongin hadn’t really expected this. He usually managed okay in the ocean, a bit more sensitive to the cold than Felix, but he had managed. Out of the water was a different thing.

“Is that so?” Seungmin said, sitting down and Jeongin nodded, taking his now warm palms and pressed them against his cold cheeks.

“Yeah,” Jeongin said, squishing his cheeks. “It’s a nicer view there.”

“Oh,” Seungmin said, taking a sip of his coffee. “Yeah I can agree with you on that. This shop has a bit more options on the coffee though,” he continued and Jeongin glanced over at the menu. It was the same size as the menu at Hyunjin and Seungmin’s workplace, but it was just different hot drinks, not like the smoothie shop’s menu that was mostly smoothies. “Our shop is more popular in the summer, this is more popular during the colder months.”

“Understandable,” Jeongin said, picking up his cup to drink his hot chocolate. He glanced out the window and at the people passing by on the street. “I still like the view a lot better at your shop.”

“Yeah me too,” Seungmin said and there was something in his voice that… it sounded longing. “I like the ocean.”

Jeongin looked over at Seungmin. Seungmin was looking at him and when their eyes met, both of them immediately averted their gaze and Jeongin looked down in his cup. “I like the ocean too,” he said. “The waves are… calming.”

“They are,” Seungmin agreed and when Jeongin looked up, Seungmin was just smiling softly at him. Jeongin couldn’t help but smile back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

❄

 

 

 

 

 

 

“So,” Hyunjin began, sly grin on his lips and Jeongin was suddenly scared. “You and Seungmin huh?”

What. “Me and Seungmin what?” Jeongin asked, frowning as he shoved rice in his mouth. Hyunjin used some really weird expressions sometimes and Jeongin had a hard time understanding what he actually meant at times.

“Are you…” Hyunjin trailed off, taking a moment to think. “Are you interested in him? In being… partners?”

Jeongin choked on his rice, sputtering in embarrassment and his cheeks heated up. “What?” he asked when he could breathe again. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” Hyunjin said, knowing smile on his lips. Jeongin didn’t like this. Not at all. “I was just thinking that you two are being very friendly, and Seungmin talks and asks about you at work. It’s pretty cute.”

“H-he asks about me?” Jeongin asked, surprised. It had been two weeks since the whole shopping trip and while Jeongin had been mostly busy with his studies, human basics, language and all that, he had still made sure to meet up with Seungmin a few times. They hadn’t done anything special, they went to a cafe and a walk around town, Jeongin trying out his new jacket, hat and gloves.

“Yes,” Hyunjin said, wiggling his eyebrows at Jeongin. “He asks about small stuffs. Like your favorite color, favorite flower, your favorite food and all that. I think he’s very… smitten with you.”

Jeongin’s face heated up even more and he placed his cutlery down, hiding his face in his hands instead. “Don’t… don’t say that,” he mumbled and Hyunjin just cooed. “What if he’s… not…”

“I am very convinced he likes you,” he said and Jeongin let out a little whine. “But… to talk about something else then,” he continued and Jeongin took a small breath of relief as he moved his hands away from his face, ready to face Hyunjin. “Minho and Chan are coming back tomorrow.”

Jeongin’s heart did an excited little leap and he broke into a wide smile. Then he furrowed his brows, tilting his head. “Chan too?” Hyunjin nodded. “Why?”

“They got the contract with the company they wanted,” Hyunjin began and Jeongin nodded. He had started studying some basics, how human society worked and how to get into the world of the humans. “And now they’re allowed to live wherever they want, as long as they can record and make music.” Jeongin’s heart was beginning to beat faster. Did this mean..?

“Are they..?”

“They might move back here, yes,” Hyunjin said and Jeongin just felt happiness wash over him like a tidal wave.

“D-does that mean…”

“Jisung, Felix and Changbin too,” Hyunjin said and Jeongin felt so happy he was about to burst. He could see the happiness written on Hyunjin’s face too. “I’m a bit sad Changbin isn’t coming tomorrow, but he had to handle something about their old apartment. I think he’s trying to fix it and Chan is managing the whole process with their new place.”

“Do they… Have they found a place here already?”

Hyunjin shook his head. “No,” he said and Jeongin nodded slowly. “But they have a few places they’re going to look at.”

“Oh,” Jeongin said, his lips shaped like an ‘o’. “Do you… do you think I can… join them?” he asked shyly and Hyunjin just smiled widely.

“I’m sure they’d love to have you follow along,” Hyunjin said and Jeongin’s chest felt warm.

Minho and Felix were coming back home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

❄

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I know you’re excited but for the love of god Jeongin, it’s six in the morning,” Hyunjin grumbled as he stirred awake. Jeongin had woken up at five because he was so excited and since he had been sleeping in the same bed as Hyunjin, he had apparently woken Hyunjin up with all his tossing and turning. “Please go back to sleep.”

“But Hyunjin-”

“They won’t be here until three, which is nine hours away,” Hyunjin groaned as he rolled over to look at Jeongin. Jeongin had resorted in playing some games on his phone the last half an hour since he couldn’t fall back asleep. “Go back to sleep.”

“I can’t,” Jeongin whined, placing his phone on the nightstand. “I’m just-”

“I know,” Hyunjin sighed, wrapping his arm around Jeongin’s waist, shifting closer. “But please. I have a late shift today and I did stay up late yesterday.”

“You were skyping with Changbin,” Jeongin noted and Hyunjin let out a little hum. “You have only yourself to blame for staying up late.”

“Harsh,” Hyunjin said and Jeongin giggled, but did shift a little to make himself more comfortable again. “He was being very sweet and cute last night, I couldn’t just hang up on him.”

“Gross.”

“Rich,” Hyunjin mumbled, sleep slowly claiming him again. “Coming from you. You and Seungmin are pretty gross too.”

“We’re not,” Jeongin protested weakly, feeling drowsy again. “We’re just…” he trailed off and Hyunjin let out a small little snort.

“See,” Hyunjin said and Jeongin just let out a whine. “Let’s just sleep for a while longer, okay?”

“Okay,” Jeongin hummed, feeling sleep pulling him down once again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

❄

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because Hyunjin had work, Jeongin waited at the bus station for Chan and Minho alone. He was almost bouncing where he was standing when he saw the bus approach. He hadn’t seen Minho in weeks.

Excitement was bubbling in Jeongin’s stomach and he was so focused about the excitement of seeing his brother again he didn’t even realize that Chan had gotten off the bus until he was picked up and spun around.

“Jeongin!” Chan squealed, placing Jeongin back on the ground. “Look at you,” he said, gently grabbing Jeongin’s shoulders and looked him over before pinching his cheeks. “You’ve grown a lot since I last saw you.”

“You have been gone for quite some time,” Jeongin sulked and Chan laughed, ruffling his hair playfully before hugging him again.

“I’m sorry,” Chan said. “I should have gone with Minho last time he came back, but things with the company were getting… intense.”

“It’s okay,” Jeongin said, offering Chan a small smile. “I understand.”

“You have grown a lot though,” Minho said, walking up to Chan and Jeongin. Jeongin didn’t hesitate to throw himself around Minho’s neck, hugging him tightly. “Oof,” Minho said, wrapping his arms around Jeongin. “Hey buddy, how are you?”

“Good,” Jeongin mumbled into Minho’s shoulder. Emotions just washed over him and he didn’t know exactly what he was feeling. He was happy but he felt his throat close up as if he was about to cry. “H-how are you?”

“Baby,” Minho cooed, rubbing Jeongin’s back. “I’ve missed you so much.” He continued and Jeongin grabbed a hold on his shirt, holding on for dear life. “I’m really good now, when I’m back here.”

“Are you going to… leave again?” Jeongin asked, voice small. Minho sighed.

“Just to go back and pack up some things,” he said, patting Jeongin on the back of his head. “But we’re going to come back.”

That was all that mattered to Jeongin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

❄

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Looking for a house was exhausting and Jeongin was tired and sleepy after house three. The list of houses they wanted to look at was long and Minho had told Jeongin he could go home if he wanted. But Jeongin didn’t want to leave Minho’s side.

“If we get this house,” Minho began, directed to Chan. Jeongin was just glued to Minho, arms hooked as the real estate agent looked down at her clipboard. “There will be a room for you, Jisung, Changbin and Jeongin.”

“Me?” Jeongin asked, drowsy and a bit lost. “Why would I have a room?”

“Jeongin,” Chan said, gently patting Jeongin’s cheek. “Minho and I talked about this when we were checking interesting houses and we decided that, even if you choose to stay more under water than above, we want you to have a place to come home to.”

Jeongin was way too sleepy to process what Chan just said. “T-thats…” he trailed off, his voice getting caught in his throat. “That’s… really nice. B-but why-”

“You’re my younger brother,” Minho said, patting Jeongin on the head. “I want you to… have a place with me too.”

Jeongin inhaled sharply, his hands weakly holding onto Minho’s shirt and he looked between Minho and Chan as he processed what was going on.

“Do you want to live with us? When you’re on land?” Minho asked, running his fingers through Jeongin’s hair.

“Yes,” Jeongin whispered, his voice trembling slightly. “I’d like that… a lot…” he continued, his heart squeezing. He would have a home with his whole family. “Thank you.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

❄

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Moving day was exciting. Jeongin had stayed the night at Hyunjin’s place, barely slept at all and then he had been sitting outside the house, just waiting for the moving truck to arrive. He didn’t exactly know what to expect but he was so excited to see Felix again.

“You’re really excited,” Hyunjin said as he sat down beside Jeongin on the front porch to the new house. Jeongin had left right after breakfast, even though the car with all furniture and boxes wouldn’t arrive until lunch. “I understand,” he said, leaning his head on Jeongin’s shoulder.

“I’ve missed them,” Jeongin said and Hyunjin hummed.

“I did too,” he mumbled. “You guys sort of became my big family, even if it was only briefly before they left.”

Jeongin blinked, turning his head to look at Hyunjin. His stomach twisted. Hyunjin had been lonely, Jeongin knew that much. He didn’t have much more than Seungmin, and Changbin of course, even if he had lived most of his life above water. But Jeongin hadn’t even considered that Hyunjin had seen them as family.

“Thank you,” Jeongin said after a few heartbeats of silence. “For… you know… letting me stay with you…” he trailed off, swallowing hard. “Thank you for giving me a home,” he added quietly.

“I was more than happy to do that,” Hyunjin said softly, his voice barely audible. “Thank you for keeping me company. It would have been a lot of lonely moments without you.”

“Yeah…” Jeongin breathed. He realized that he couldn’t even imagine the winter in the ocean. At least not this winter. They sat there in silence, Hyunjin leaning his head on Jeongin’s shoulder. It was still cold, but Jeongin didn’t mind. He was well dressed and today was warmer than usual.

At last, the sound of a car engine approaching was heard and both Jeongin and Hyunjin shot up. Jeongin’s heart was starting to speed up and he was bouncing on his feet. He was so excited he was almost crawling out of his skin as the moving truck rolled in on the driveway.

“Jeongin!” Felix exclaimed, jumping out of the truck before the truck had even fully stopped.

“Felix!” Jeongin said, choking on the tears threatening to fall. He hadn’t realized just _how_ much he’d missed Felix. Felix bounced up to Jeongin, wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. “I missed you,” Jeongin whispered into Felix’s shoulder, sniffling as he began crying.

He was just a mess of emotions these days.

“I missed you so much Innie,” Felix said, brushing a hand gently through Jeongin’s hair. “So much.”

Jeongin hummed, hugging Felix even tighter. He didn’t want to let go of Felix.

“How have you been?” Felix asked, loosening his grip of Jeongin a little to lean back and look over Jeongin. Jeongin looked at Felix through the tears, laughing in embarrassment as Felix dried his tears. “Please don’t cry,” he said, but Jeongin could see that his eyes were glossy as well.

“I missed you a lot,” Jeongin said. “But otherwise… good…” he trailed off, not really sure what to actually say. He opened his mouth to say something but then the glint in Felix’s ear caught his attention. “Your earring!” he said, eyes wide and Felix laughed, turning his head to the side so Jeongin could see the earring. This was the first time Jeongin saw the earring in real life. “That looks good.”

“It does, right?” Jisung said, walking up to them and Jeongin finally let go of Felix to give Jisung a small and uncertain hug. He wasn’t sure exactly what Jisung and his relation was but he’d missed Jisung too. “Have you been waiting for a long time?” Jisung asked and Jeongin blinked. “Your cheeks are really red,” he said, gently pressing his warm hands against Jeongin’s cold cheeks.

“He was a bit too excited,” Hyunjin said and Jeongin lowered his head, embarrassed. “Where are the other three?”

“They took the rental car,” Jisung explained, removing his hands from Jeongin’s cheeks. “Felix really wanted to ride the moving truck,” he continued and Felix let out a small laugh. “The others should-” he began but got cut off as another car rolled up on the driveway. “Oh.”

“Jeongin!” Minho said, jumping out of the car to run up to Jeongin, wrapping him up in a tight hug. “My little baby how are you?” he wailed dramatically as he squished Jeongin in his arms.

“Oh my god,” Jeongin said, suddenly contemplating his life. “I’ve missed you,” he said, wrapping his arms around Minho. In the corner of his eyes, he could see Changbin walk past to Hyunjin. “How was the packing?”

“Stressful,” Minho said dryly and Jeongin nodded. “Excited to move in?” Minho asked, petting Jeongin’s hair and Jeongin nodded.

“Great,” Chan said and Jeongin let go of Minho to look at him. “Let’s start with just moving everything inside, then we start setting up things, okay?” he said and Jeongin nodded. As he walked up to the moving truck, Chan stopped him to gently ruffle his hair and give him a hug. “It’s great to see you kiddo.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

❄

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hey Jisung,” Jeongin asked as he helped Jisung unpack one of his boxes. It was mostly just clothes and light stuff. Jisung looked up from the box he was digging through. “What’s this?” Jeongin asked, holding up the stuffed animal. It was small, maybe the size of a soccer ball, and purple. It somewhat looked like a manatee but Jeongin couldn’t be sure.

“Oh,” Jisung said, laughing. “That’s Buddy.”

“Buddy?”

“Yeah I call him that,” Jisung said, his ears tinted red in embarrassment. “He’s my… uhm… anxiety manatee I guess?”

“The anxiety manatee?” Jeongin asked, tilting his head. He knew what anxiety was and he had played with manatees before (not recommended) but he couldn’t just piece the two together in a way it made sense.

“If my anxiety is really bad, I’ll just hug him and it helps me fall asleep,” Jisung said and Jeongin let out a small ‘oh’, placing Buddy on the bed.

“He’s cute,” Jeongin said, giving Buddy a little pat on the head.

“I know right,” Jisung said, grinning widely. “Chan got him for me when he was out of town last year. He got a sheep for Changbin.”

“Are they all… round?” Jeongin asked and Jisung laughed, nodding as he did.

“Yes and you should really see Changbin’s sheep. It’s like a soccer ball with tiny legs,” he said and Jeongin tried to picture it in front of him. The picture he got in his head looked ridiculous and he snorted. “Yeah I know. It’s amazing. I’ll show it later.”

“Please,” Jeongin said, trying to hold back a giggle. The image of the round sheep with no legs was too funny, he needed a real visual.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

❄

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After finishing helping Jisung, Jeongin went to grab one of the boxed labelled ‘books’ and brought them to the spare room, where Chan had instructed him to just place the books on the shelves. Chan would later organize the books, so Jeongin didn’t have to bother about organizing it.

The box was heavy and Jeongin cursed his weak arms as he all but dropped the box down in front of the shelves. He leaned down and began to pull out the different books, eyeing each of them curiously. He knew how to read and he had read a few books, but this was a lot of books and Jeongin was curious to see what kind of books Chan, Jisung and Changbin were reading.

It was mostly just simple fiction, a few poetry books and a few cook books. He frowned as he pulled out a ‘How to knit - step by step’ but decided against asking about it and put it on a shelf.

He was in the middle of putting the books up, getting into a flow, when he pulled out a book that didn’t look like the rest. It wasn’t a hardcover book like the rest. It was a notebook. ‘Jisung’ was written on the front of the notebook. Jeongin licked his lips, glancing around. He ran his hand over the front of the notebook. It looked worn and as if it had been wet but dried at some point.

He carefully opened it on a random page, not knowing exactly what to expect.

 

_‘They love the sea, and know they will die.’_

 

Jeongin tilted his head. It was probably lyrics and he knew lyrics didn’t always make sense out of context like this. He turned to another page.

 

_‘I’m trying to find a meaning, in this emptiness.’_

_‘It’s been hard, hasn’t it.’_

_‘I want you to look at me with those eyes, forever.’_

 

That was probably for Felix. Jeongin closed Jisung’s notebook, placing it on one of the shelves. The next notebook he picked up was Changbin’s. He felt a bit bad snooping around like this, but he was curious on their lyrics. He had only heard some songs and Jisung had at one point told him that not all lyrics ended up in their songs. He just wanted to look at some of it. Changbin’s notebook wasn’t nearly as worn as Jisung’s.

 

_‘The sea rests calm tonight, the moon smiling down at us.’_

 

_‘Timeless sea-breezes, sea wind of the night;_

_The one who wakes, must be prepared;_

_On how to survive.’_

 

Changbin’s lyrics and writings were a bit darker at times and sometimes it was just about how good looking Hyunjin was. Jeongin rolled his eyes as he closed the notebook and placed it beside Jisung’s. The third notebook was Chan’s. Chan was generally a pretty organized person from what Jeongin had seen, but his notebook was a mess. The pages were torn and the cover was almost falling off.

 

_‘I feel like I’m suffocating, drowning.’_

 

_‘One day, I wish to be free from all my struggles.’_

 

Jeongin knew a little about Chan and his well-being. Minho had told him about a few things, like the depression he was still battling. Those struggles soaked the pages of his notebook, showcasing just how much he suffered sometimes. But he saw glimpses of hope in Chan’s book too. Mentions of his brothers, assumingly Jisung and Changbin, and other people who brightened Chan’s life. It warmed something inside Jeongin.

“Jeongin have you- oh,” Chan said as he walked in and by reflect, Jeongin snapped the notebook shut, staring at Chan with wide eyes. “I was wondering where those went.”

“I’m sorry,” Jeongin said quietly, handing Chan his notebook.

“Oh no, don’t worry,” Chan said, kind smile on his lips as he took the notebook from him. “I don’t mind you reading those.”

Jeongin nodded, his head low as Chan began to look through the box of books. “I have a question,” he mumbled after some awkward silence and Chan looked up. “How do you… write?”

“Oh,” Chan said, placing his notebook on the shelf. “It’s… well,” he laughed, “there’s not really one way to write… That’s the nice thing about it. You just… you just need a pen and a paper and then you write your feelings down. It doesn’t have to look good, you can always revise things later if you want to do something with it, like a song or something.”

“Oh.”

“Why?” Chan asked, eyes gleaming curiously. “Do you want to try writing lyrics?”

Jeongin was silent, thinking. Did he? At last he nodded. “Yeah I’d… I’d like to try…” he whispered and Chan broke out in a wide smile, shining like the sun.

“Wait,” he said, scurrying out of the room. Jeongin just stared after him for a second before slowly returning to the box, getting the books up on the shelf. It took about five minutes before Chan came back, his hands behind his back. “Pick one arm,” he said, almost bouncing because he was so excited. Jeongin frowned but Chan just grinned.

“Uhm… right?” he said and Chan pulled out his right arm out from behind his back. In his hand he held a plain black notebook with a pen stuck to it. He held it out to Jeongin, who just carefully took it from him, stroking his fingers over the cover. “What’s this?” he asked, thumbing through the lined pages. They were all empty.

“If you want to try writing,” Chan said, still smiling warmly. “Just try it, write whatever you feel in there.”

Jeongin swallowed, emotions suddenly hitting him. He had never received a gift from anyone except his brothers before. His heart gave a little squeeze and a warm feeling spread through his body. It meant a lot to him.

“Thank you,” he said, holding the notebook against his chest. “Thank you so much Chan.”

“No problem kid,” Chan said, ruffling Jeongin’s hair gently.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_If suddenly,_

_you forget me,_

_do not look for me._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jeongin hadn’t realized he’d fallen asleep with his head resting in Minho’s lap. He was awoken by the low voices around the living room, but his body felt heavy so he made no attempt to move or show that he was awake. He just remained there in Minho’s lap, listening in to the conversation.

“-e was really small when he first hatched,” Minho said. “But he was fine, which our parents found surprising. They hadn’t really… expected his egg to actually hatch.”

“Why?” Jisung asked, his voice just trembling the slightest. Jeongin knew this story. About when their parents had brought home Felix. Minho had been patiently waiting and was the only one who believed that the egg would actually hatch.

“Our eggs… they’re not very tough or protecting. They’re very squishy. We rely on the protection of the area the first few days… our eggs have to float up to the planktonic level, where we’re safe from most predators. A few days later, our parents come to check the eggs and only bring the fertilized ones to a safer place they can guard… The deep sea merfolk has a harder time to reproduce because they have to bring their eggs to the surface and then down. It’s a long journey and…” Minho trailed off and Jeongin could only imagine that he was looking over at Felix right now. “Not all of their journeys are successful.”

“His egg was damaged right?” Jisung asked softly.

“Yes, and pretty badly,” Minho said. “But one day it just hatched. He was fine, except the whole thing on his fins. He struggled to swim for the first few days but he quickly found ways to work around it.”

“What about Jeongin?” Changbin asked and Jeongin’s breathing hitched slightly. There was a pause before Minho gently began to run his fingers through Jeongin’s hair.

“Our parents left and promised both me and Felix they would bring back two eggs. They had been watching the eggs and two had been fertilized. Me and Felix were really excited as we waited for them.” Jeongin didn’t know about this. Minho rarely talked about their parents, preferring to talk about _anything_ else. “They did bring home two eggs and I remember being so excited about two more siblings.”

“But… you don’t have any more siblings, do you?” Chan asked carefully and Minho let out a small hum.

“The other egg never hatched,” he said. “We waited for days for them to hatch. I took care of the eggs the best I could, given my age, and when Jeongin was born I just…” Minho sighed and Jeongin could feel him running the back of his hand over Jeongin’s cheek. “At that point… Jeongin and Felix just became my whole life.”

Jeongin could feel his chest tighten and his eyes watering. He tried to not make a sound, but a whimper slipped past his lips.

“Jeongin?” Minho asked, concerned. “Jeongin baby?” he tried again and Jeongin opened his eyes, staring right into Minho’s dark gray eyes. He looked really worried, brows furrowed. “Are you okay?” he asked, running his fingers over Jeongin’s cheeks.

“Y-yes,” Jeongin said, his voice trembling. “I-I…” Minho just looked at him with eyes so fond and Jeongin just… burst. He immediately hid his face in his hands, trying to hold back the loud sobs that tore through his body. He wasn’t sad. He was happy. He had been thinking he wasn’t wanted. That he was that little brother that his parents didn’t like enough to bring along and that little brother who was just left in Minho’s care.

“Hey,” Minho cooed, gently pulling Jeongin up so he was sitting on the couch. Through the sobs, Jeongin could hear footsteps leaving the room and a slurred ‘is Jeongin crying?’ from Felix. “Baby, I need you to breathe with me,” Minho said, gently removing Jeongin’s hands from his face. He looked straight into Jeongin’s eyes, seemingly looking for the reason behind Jeongin’s tears.

Jeongin hadn’t realized he had been holding his breath. He inhaled sharply and Minho ran a hand through his hair again.

“There we go,” he said kindly and Jeongin could feel more tears run down his cheeks. He sniffled, angrily drying his cheeks with trembling hands. “It’s okay Jeongin,” Minho said, gently grabbing Jeongin’s both wrists to hold him back from roughly drying his tears. “It’s okay to cry.”

Jeongin took a shaking breath, trying to calm down. He didn’t know what had washed over him. Embarrassment caught up to him and he immediately averted his eyes.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, sniffling. Minho didn’t say anything, he just let go of Jeongin’s wrists and before Jeongin could do anything else, Minho had placed his hands on Jeongin’s cheeks and gently made him look up.

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

“It’s… it’s nothing.”

“Jeongin,” Minho said, voice so full of affection it made Jeongin’s heart hurt. He’d missed this so much. “I’m your older brother. I know when you’re lying.”

Jeongin sighed, drying the tears off his cheeks. “I just… uhm… you’ve been gone… and I just… I was alone. I was lonely. I know I’m just the annoying youngest kid and our parents didn’t even want me enough to bring me along and you were more or less stuck with me. I’m sorry.”

“Jeongin,” Minho said softly, drying some of Jeongin’s tears with his thumb. “I assume you heard what I said.” Jeongin nodded. “You and Felix are my world. I’m sorry I’ve made you feel forgotten and abandoned. But you are still… mine, mine to watch over, mine to care for. I’m here for you, Jeongin. I will do anything for you and Felix, do you understand me?”

Jeongin nodded again, drying his tears. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, sweetheart,” Minho cooed and Jeongin sniffled. “I love you so much. Never forget that, okay?”

“Okay,” Jeongin said, voice trembling. “I love you too.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I wandered lonely as a cloud,_

_that floats on high over hills._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Jeongin asked as he followed Felix out the door. Felix was just grinning. It was early morning, no one else was awake, not even Chan. The sun was just peeking over the horizon and cast golden rays over the beach.

“This is going to be great,” Felix said, holding the soda bottle in a tight grip. “And beside, I just want to see _why_ Jisung told me not to shake soda. He never said why.”

“Oh,” Jeongin said softly, eyeing the bottle curiously. Now he was interested. “Did he just tell you not to shake it?”

“Yeah,” Felix said, huffing. “He just took a can from me and said ‘lesson one, don’t shake soda cans’,” he continued, imitating Jisung in a nagging and whiny voice. Jeongin just giggled, covering his mouth as he grinned. “And… soda is fizzy and bubbly, so if we shake it… something fun might happen!”

Jeongin had had soda once and he was still not over the way the bubbles had tickled his mouth and throat. It was good, sweet, but he had to wait a while before trying it again.

“Do we need to be far from the house?” he asked, raising an eyebrow and Felix shrugged.

“Dunno,” he said as he stopped, about ten meters from the house. “I just don’t want it to make a sound or something and wake anyone,” he continued and Jeongin nodded, glancing down at the bottle.

“Do you want me to hold your gloves?” Jeongin asked and Felix looked up at him, eyes wide for a second before he grinned. He held the bottle under his arm as he removed his gloves and handed them to Jeongin.

“Are you ready?” Felix asked, mischievous grin on his lips. This reminded Jeongin of when they were younger, when they snuck out to bother the sleeping Porcupinefish. Their parents had told them not to, because once one of them blew up, the rest blew up and they would just swim around the reef all confused until they realized that there wasn’t any danger.

“Sure,” Jeongin said, instinctively taking a small step back so he wasn’t standing right beside Felix. With a wide grin, Felix began to shake the bottle. Jeongin just watched, glancing around to make sure no one was around to see them.

“Nothing happened?” Felix said, raising an eyebrow after he finished shaking it. “Well might as well just-” he began, stopping in his tracks as he twisted the cap of the bottle. The bottle let out a loud hiss and the soda sprayed out in a circle, hitting both of them. Felix let out a shriek and moved the bottle towards Jeongin for help but Jeongin just screeched, trying to avoid the soda that got everywhere.

The spray of soda quickly subsided and the two of them just stood their, soda on their jackets and both shocked. Felix stared at Jeongin. Jeongin stared at Felix.

“So that’s why we weren’t supposed to shake them,” Jeongin finally said, looking down at the soda bottle.

“Jisung could just have told me it would get everywhere,” Felix sulked and Jeongin snorted. “Or maybe we… just have ourselves to blame.”

“I think we only have ourselves to blame,” Jeongin said just as the door opened.

“What’s going on?!” Chan asked, peeking his head out. He was looking disheveled, confused and lost, as if he had just woken up. He was squinting in the bright morning light, his hair a curly mess on his head. “What’s happening? Who screamed? Are we dying? What?”

“No uh…” Jeongin said, taking a step away from Felix. “Felix thought it would be a good idea to shake a soda bottle. I told him not to.”

Felix gasped, looking at Jeongin. “I did _not!_ ” he protested. “You were just as curious as I was you little beanstalk!”

“It’s too early for me to handle sibling banter,” Chan mumbled, rubbing his eye. “I’m getting Minh-”

“NO!” both Jeongin and Felix yelled at the same time and Chan stopped, turning back to look at them.

“Please don’t,” Felix begged, mustering what Jisung called ‘the puppy eyes’.

“We won’t disturb you anymore, we’ll clean up,” Jeongin promised, trying to look as small and sad as possible. “You can go back to sleep.”

Chan looked between the two of them, squinting at them. “Sure, whatever, I’m going back to bed,” he muttered, closing the door behind him. Both Jeongin and Felix held their breath and waited. Then they burst into laughter.

“That was great,” Jeongin said and Felix nodded, giggling. “But… is he sleeping? Is that really Chan?”

“He’s been sleeping a bit more than usual,” Felix said and Jeongin nodded. “But he tends to forget to sleep when Minho isn’t around to remind him.”

Jeongin nodded, glancing between Felix and the door. “I’ve missed this,” he mumbled, mood suddenly turning serious. Felix’s grin dropped and he smiled softly at Jeongin, reaching out to pet his hair but Jeongin pulled back. “Your hands are sticky,” he noted and Felix laughed.

“I’ve missed you Jeongin,” he said. “It’s great to be back,” he continued, turning to look out over the white, snow covered beach.

“I’m glad you’re back,” Jeongin said, moving to stand beside Felix, resting his head on Felix shoulder, staring out over the ocean.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_You’re my sun,_

_high in the sky._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“A snowman?” Jeongin asked, pulling his scarf a bit closer. Seungmin just grinned and nodded as he grabbed Jeongin’s hand and pulled him along. They were in the park, the one close to Seungmin’s workplace. “What’s that?”

The snow had gone from a soft, powdery texture to a more sticky mess due to the approaching spring. Though spring was still far away. The snow in the park was still pure white at most places, not like the snow along the roads that had turned an ugly and gross gray. Among the snow, Seungmin looked like an angel and it made Jeongin’s heart do that weird thing.

“Come on,” Seungmin coaxed, letting go of Jeongin’s hand and dropped on his knees. He picked up some snow, pushing it together into a small ball in his hands. Jeongin just sat down beside him, staring at him. “So we have to make three parts, okay? One for the legs, one for the torso and one for the head.”

Jeongin didn’t really understand what the hell Seungmin was talking about but he looked so happy, radiating and glowing as he talked about it. He just nodded, staring at Seungmin’s face with wide eyes.

“So we take this,” Seungmin continued, placing the little piece of snow on the ground and began to roll it. As he did, the snow piece picked up more and more snow, growing larger and larger. Jeongin just followed Seungmin as he rolled the piece of snow. At last they had a piece of snow the size of a fairly large rock.

“What now?” Jeongin asked as Seungmin patted the snow piece, smoothing it out a little.

“Now,” Seungmin said, picking up more snow. “We make another piece,” he continued and Jeongin nodded, helping Seungmin to roll the second piece.

After about thirty minutes, they had… three pieces of snow stacked on top of each other and Jeongin was just very confused. He didn’t see the point of this but okay. He had had fun though, making each piece with Seungmin.

“What now?” Jeongin asked, squinting at the… thing. Seungmin laughed as he skipped through the snow, to the walkway through the park. Jeongin just watched as he crouched down and dug a small hole in the snow.

Humans sure were weird.

When Seungmin got back, he had a bunch of rocks in his hands.

“What are those?” Jeongin tilted his head. He was so confused by this whole situation.

Seungmin snorted, gently bumping his shoulder with Jeongin’s. “Didn’t you have snow where you grew up?” he asked and Jeongin inhaled sharply. He had seen snow but he was usually just trapped beneath the ice every winter. He hadn’t see these kind of things. “This is the eyes and the mouth,” Seungmin explained and Jeongin nodded, looking at the other as he gently pushed the rocks into the top of the three snow pieces. Okay it started to resemble… something now. It was two eyes and a smiling mouth. It was cute.

“Shouldn’t it have a nose?”

“Yeah,” Seungmin said, stuffing his hand in his pocket as he grinned at Jeongin. He was looking so happy and glowing Jeongin’s heart did that thing again. “Here it is,” Seungmin finally said, pulling out a… carrot?

“A carrot?”

“Yes!”

“How… okay,” Jeongin said, giving up. Humans were so weird he wasn’t even going to bother trying to understand this. Seungmin chuckled, placing the carrot below and in between the eyes. It looked sort of like a face but Jeongin had no idea why it had a carrot nose.

“We need to find arms,” Seungmin said, grabbing Jeongin’s arm. With a laugh, he tugged Jeongin along as they began to look for arms for their snowman. Jeongin may not have grasped the situation really. But when he later returned home, exhausted and wet from playing in the snow all day, he realized just how happy he was.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_When I was lonely,_

_you caught me._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

”Hey Jeongin,” Jisung said as Jeongin sat down beside him. He was sitting on the front porch, looking out over the ocean. Jeongin hadn’t slept very well, he was too busy missing the ocean and he just went to sit outside and look at the frozen sea instead of even trying to sleep. It was early morning, the sun was rising and by the look on Jisung’s face, he hadn’t had a good night’s rest. ”How are you?”

”I’m… I’m fine,” Jeongin said.     Resting his elbows on his knees and his chin on his hands, glancing at Jisung before looking out over the ocean. ”How are you? Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

”Nightmare,” Jisung mumbled, rubbing his eyes before heaving a heavy sigh.

”Doesn’t Chan have nightmares often?” Jeongin asked and Jisung hummed. There was pause, both of them just silently staring out over the ice. ”Why do you… do you have reoccuring nightmares?”

”Sometimes,” Jisung said, sighing again. ”I’m… I was… I…” he rubbed his face. ”I’m sorry.”

”Felix told me that Chan dreams about his parents…” Jeongin said absentmindedly. ”Do you dream about your parents too?”

There was another heavy silence in the air before Jisung replied. ”Yeah,” he finally said and Jeongin remained silent, just looking at Jisung. “I was… I don’t know how much Felix told you…”

“Not a lot.” Jeongin shrugged. “He told me some humans didn’t accept same sex relationships, which is by the way very stupid, and that your parents were those kind of people.”

“Growing up… my parents were good to me,” Jisung began, running a hand through his hair. “They may have been a bit strict on me, making sure I was doing well in school and that I didn’t do stupid and illegal things with other kids. When I was 14, almost 15 they sent me to a music camp. I had taken interest to lyrics and were trying to write some on my own and I guess my parents thought it would be better if I just concentrated on lyrics for a certain amount of time and then went back to school. I met Chan and Changbin there. Long story short, we started talking a lot more after the camp and… Chan told us he was gay and Changbin immediately told us as well.”

Jisung looked sad, exhausted, scared. It was as if a whirlwind of emotions was going through him right now.

“I realized I was gay the year I was turning 16. I guess I realized it somewhere during spring, but I was terrified of what my parents would think. I knew how Chan’s parents had treated him… I didn’t want that… But then Changbin was thrown out and I thought… If my parents can’t accept me, then what is the point of me staying in that fucking house.” He let out a humorless laugh and Jeongin’s gut twisted. “So I came out to them. And my parents… my strict but loving parents… broke.”

Jeongin didn’t really know what Jisung meant exactly, but his stomach still dropped.

“My mom started crying hysterically, yelling at me for being a fucking disgrace and disgusting. My dad remained silent for a while. In that moment I thought that maybe he would say ‘okay’ and we would try to solve this… but…” he ran a hand through his hair and Jeongin could see it trembling. “He stood up… walked up to me… I was standing in the middle of the living room, my head low. When he asked me to look at him, I did. I was expecting… I don’t know… maybe a similar reaction as my mom. Sadness and disappointment. But he… oh he wasn’t sad. He was furious.” Jisung’s voice trembled as he spoke. “I saw a flash of anger in his eyes before he punched me.”

“H-he punched you?” Jeongin asked, eyes going wide. “He punched his own child?”

“Yes,” Jisung said, voice so small and fragile. Jeongin could feel his heart break. “When I had fallen to the floor, he proceeded to kick and beat me while yelling how… how disgusting and wrong I was. How I wasn’t their child anymore.”

Jeongin didn’t say anything, he just stared.

“Then they left me in the living room. I was barely breathing at that time, I was on the verge of passing out. I somehow managed to get up to my room, gather what I needed and get out. At some point I called Chan. He found me half unconscious like a block away from my house.”

“Did you… did you… uhm… report it?”

Jisung sat silent for a second, his whole face just blank, before he opened his mouth. “Yeah,” he finally said. “We pressed charges and my dad got the punishment he deserved… I don’t keep track on them anymore… we cut all connections, as you probably can understand.”

Jeongin nodded, pressing his lips together as he tried to wrap his head around the situation. He couldn’t understand how someone could do this, let alone to their own child.

“I don’t… talk about it a lot,” Jisung whispered and when their eyes met, Jeongin could see the tears welling up in his eyes. “It brings up a lot of bad memories and I usually have a hard time sleeping afterwards… It brings the nightmares back.” He sighed. “I told Felix about this yesterday, I wanted him to know the truth but it… it brought the nightmares back.”

“Understandable,” Jeongin said quietly. “Thank you for telling me.”

“It’s… it’s getting better. It feels easier to talk about it now…” Jisung whispered, reaching out an unsure hand towards Jeongin. Jeongin gently took it, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Jisung sighed, a sigh of relief. “I like it here,” he said after a heartbeat of silence. “It feels… easier to breathe here. I’m glad we came here.”

“I’m glad you came here as well,” Jeongin said, holding onto Jisung’s hand tightly. “Minho has probably told you about this… but you brought something in Felix out. I think… I think he was ready to just… give up…” he continued and Jisung hummed, running his thumb over Jeongin’s hand. “Thank you.”

Humans were scary. Jeongin had heard many stories about them now… but… He glanced over at Jisung as Jisung stared out over the scene in front of them. There were these great humans too. Like Chan. Like Jisung. Like Changbin. Like… Seungmin… Jeongin caught himself and could feel his heart do a little thing just by the thought of Seungmin. He immediately looked away from Jisung.

They both remained silent, staring out over the beach as the sun rose on the sky, looking down on them with its golden rays.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Slow down,_

_slow down._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As the ice was finally melting, Jeongin’s heart was feeling way lighter than it had during the winter. Just knowing that he wasn’t able to go back to the ocean for a while was enough to bother him just slightly. He missed the fish, his friends, and just being _home_. Not that winter on land had been that terrible, but he wasn’t… this wasn’t really his home.

With the ice thawing, Jeongin could soon go back to see his friends. This spring and summer would be great. He would have both his brothers, his friends and-

“Are you paying attention?” Seungmin suddenly asked and Jeongin blinked, snapping back to reality. “You spaced out for a second there.”

“Oh,” Jeongin said softly, looking back at the TV. They were watching some Disney movie called Frozen and just as Elsa had frozen everything solid, Jeongin began to drift and think about the approaching spring and warmth. “Sorry,” he said sheepishly but Seungmin just shook his head, playfully bumping shoulders with Jeongin.

Seungmin lived in a apartment, a small one with a pretty small couch, compared to both the couch in Hyunjin’s house and Chan, Jisung and Changbin’s house. It was understandable, since Seungmin lived alone and didn’t need to be prepared for a visit by twelve merfolks.

“It’s okay,” Seungmin said, just casually leaning his head against Jeongin’s shoulder. Jeongin’s whole body froze for a second but he tried to relax and calm himself, his heart rate speeding up. “This is a really good song.”

Jeongin watched as Elsa was singing, and he had to give it to the singer because she was very good. Then he perked up as she made a… a…

“We made one of those!” he said excitingly and Seungmin giggled, snuggling even closer. “What are they called? It was a…”

“A snowman,” Seungmin said and Jeongin glanced down at him. Seungmin was looking up at him, his eyes sparkling and Jeongin’s chest tightened. Not the sad way but the weird, my-heart-is-racing way.

“Our snowman didn’t look that good,” Jeongin mumbled and Seungmin hummed, another giggle slipping past his lips.

“It wasn’t,” Seungmin said. “But we had fun making it.”

“We did,” Jeongin said as he focused back on the movie. The animations were really impressive. Humans had some really cool things. “We really did.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Take the kiss,_

_upon the brow._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jeongin was squished between Felix and Minho on the couch, looking at the screen. “This is stupid,” Felix said, frowning at the screen. “No merperson I’ve ever seen has looked like that,” he continued, squinting.

The Little Mermaid was apparently another Disney movie that Chan, Jisung and Changbin thought they should watch. Jeongin looked over at Hyunjin. Hyunjin was sitting in the armchair, Changbin in his lap and they were not paying attention to the movie at all.

“Where’s the gills?” Jeongin asked, frowning.

“It sort of looks like a freshwater merfolks,” Minho said after a moment of silence and Chan looked away from the screen. “Minus the lack of gills.”

“Wait,” Jisung said, looking away from the screen too. He was sitting below Felix on the carpet. “Felix is a deep sea merboy, you two are…” he trailed off.

“Reef merboys,” Jeongin said, filling in and Jisung let out a soft ‘oh’. “Softer and lighter colors than deep sea merfolk. Less webbing on our hands and human ears.”

“What’s up with freshwater merfolks then?” Changbin asked, joining the conversation.

“They’re… more human than us,” Minho said. “Because they live much… closer to humans they have to look a bit more human to blend in.”

“They’re really good with their magic too,” Jeongin filled in and Minho hummed. Chan just frowned at them, tilting his head. “They don’t have any traces of scales or gills when they’re in human form. Not like us.”

“Yeah,” Hyunjin joined in. “We can mask the scales, but they’re still… there.”

“That’s why it feels like… dry patches,” Changbin said and Hyunjin hummed.

“How do they look as merfolk then?” Jisung asked, frowning as he looked between Felix, Jeongin, Minho and the screen.

“From what I’ve been told, they don’t really have the same… like most reef folks have soft colors and most deep sea folks have darker colors, but freshwater folks varies from where they’re from,” Minho said and Jisung nodded slowly. “Our mom talked about some freshwater folks she’d met once.”

Jeongin tilted his head. Minho brought up their mother, which was very unexpected.

“She said they only have the rib gills and a little or no scale,” Minho said, shrugging. “So I mean, if they would have been… true.. They would have given her some gills,” he continued, frowning at the screen.

“Her singing is nice though,” Jeongin pointed out and Minho hummed. They continued to watch the movie and Jeongin tried his best to not comment on the flaws, while Minho couldn’t shut up and commented everything wrong with the movie. Why would there be an octopus witch in the sea? Had they ever seen a octopus merperson? Why didn’t all of them have magic? This was bullshit.

Jeongin giggled softly at every comment Minho let out and he glanced up at his brother every time. Felix was just frowning at the movie. It was a very inaccurate movie, but Jeongin really liked it. He liked watching movies with his brothers, Chan, Changbin and Jisung. He felt comfortable, warm and home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Where sunless rivers weep,_

_their waves into the deep._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jeongin wasn’t sure what he was feeling. Feelings were weird and he usually… he usually didn’t deal with them. He wasn’t very old, he didn’t know how certain things worked and… love… He had heard Felix and Minho talk about it. They had described it as fluttering butterflies and beating hearts. Jeongin just felt sweaty, nervous and his stomach always did that… thing. It swooped. It was weird and it did that thing every time he saw Seungmin.

Maybe it was love. Fondness? He wasn’t sure and it was frustrating.

“What do I do Buster?” he asked and Buster just replied with a little ‘blub’. “No shut up you don’t know that.” He gently swatted at Buster who swam in a circle before letting out another ‘blub’. “I guess…” he whispered, reaching to scratch Buster on the side of his head. “Thanks buddy.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Swimming far across the sea._

_All alone, just little me._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“How do you…” Jeongin began and Felix perked up. They were laying on Chan’s bed, by far the biggest bed in the house, and they all managed to fit pretty comfortably there. Jeongin was squished between his brothers, Felix was scrolling through his phone and Minho was half asleep, spooning Jeongin and his nose pressed into Jeongin’s shoulder. “How do you know you’re in love?”

“Excuse me what?” Minho said, his voice a bit raspy as he raised his head to look at Jeongin. “You’re what?”

“No I’m-”

“With who?” Felix asked, glancing over his shoulder and Jeongin groaned before hiding his face in Felix’s shirt, embarrassed.

“I don’t knooooow,” Jeongin whined, tightening his grip on Felix’s shirt. He could feel Minho just staring at him. “Which is why I asked. How do you know you’re in love? I don’t know what I’m feeling, I’m having a lot of feelings and I don’t know how to label them,” he rambled and he could feel Felix chuckling, sound rumbling deep in his chest.

“Well for me,” Felix began and Jeongin focused all his attention on him. “My stomach does this swoopy thing and my heart starts to beat really fast when I’m with Jisung.”

“Sounds exhausting,” Minho said nonchalantly and Felix snorted.

“I would elbow you if Jeongin wasn’t in the middle,” he said and Minho huffed.

“Well sucks to be you,” he said and Jeongin rolled his eyes. “Chan just makes me feel… warm. Like my chest feels warm when he holds my hand, kisses me or whatever. He makes me feel so happy that I… don’t know what to do with all the emotions inside of me.”

“That’s gross,” Felix commented and now Minho snorted.

“You’re lucky Jeongin is in the middle,” Minho said and Felix huffed in return. Jeongin just groaned.

“Can you two stop?”

“Oh yeah sorry,” Minho said, playfully poking Jeongin’s ribs and Jeongin squirmed, letting out a small squeak. “Now, tell your dear brothers about your feelings.”

“I just…” Jeongin sighed, letting go of Felix’s shirt to press both hands against his cheeks. “I don’t know. I get nervous and my stomach feels weird and my heart keeps doing weird things,” he mumbled and Minho cooed in his ear, wrapping his arms around Jeongin’s waist and hugged him tightly.

“My little baby,” he sang, pressing his cheek against Jeongin’s shoulder blade. “You’re growing up.”

“Shut up,” Jeongin whined and Minho cooed even more.

“It does sound like you’re in love though,” Felix said and Jeongin moved his hands slightly to grab onto Felix’s shirt. “Have you… thought about just telling him? Like, you could just tell him you like him.”

“But what if he doesn’t like me… like that?” Jeongin mumbled into the fabric of Felix’s shirt. Both Minho and Felix snorted in sync and Jeongin frowned at both of them. “What?”

“According to Hyunjin’s reports-”

“Excuse me,” Jeongin cut Minho off, trying to look over his shoulder. “His what?”

“Shush,” Minho said, patting Jeongin on the shoulder. “Anyway, according to Hyunjin’s reports, Seungmin is making mad heart eyes at you and seems to be very… smitten by you. Also, you’re Jeongin, who doesn’t love you?”

Jeongin’s chest felt warm and he just felt his face heat up. “Stop,” he mumbled, trying to hide his face in Felix’s shirt. Minho just reached out and gently pinched Jeongin’s cheek.

“I’m not lying,” he said, affection lacing his tone. “You’re cute, nice, funny. But I need to meet this Seungmin soon. I don’t want to give away my little brother,” Minho ignored Jeongin’s whiny ‘stop’, “without meeting him. And if he’s a human, we need to be really picky.”

Jeongin whined again and hid his face, too embarrassed to speak.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Soar high,_

_bird of hope._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hyunjin was sitting in front of Jeongin, drinking his tea and looking out over the beach outside the window. The winter was finally letting go and made way for the spring with its warm sun and blooming flowers. Jeongin didn’t necessary hate winter, but he enjoyed spring and summer way more than winter. The little snow that had fell during winter was thawing and the leaves on the trees were slowly coming back.

“I… I want to talk to you about something,” Jeongin finally said and Hyunjin tore his eyes off the view. “I’m… I’m in love with Seungmin.” As soon as he said that, Hyunjin broke into a wide smile and he opened his mouth to say something but Jeongin held up his hand. “I want to tell him… But I… I think I need to be honest about this whole… fish situation.”

“Oh,” Hyunjin said softly, smile dropping from his face. “Listen,” he began. “Just… be honest with him.”

“Yeah I want to,” Jeongin mumbled, averting his eyes. “I’m just… what if he finds me gross?”

“It’s Seungmin,” Hyunjin said, leaning over the table to place his hand on Jeongin’s hand. Jeongin looked up and Hyunjin smiled gently, eyes crinkling. “He’s a nice guy, he won’t react badly.”

“I guess.”

“But you… you need to be honest with him. I know what I said about… that guy who found me gross but.. uhm...” Hyunjin said, smile dropping and expression turning serious. “I… I didn’t tell Changbin and things turned a bit ugly…” He sighed. “Don’t risk that, okay?”

“I… I won’t,” Jeongin said and Hyunjin smiled, patting Jeongin’s hand. “I promise.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Snowflakes jump and_

_dance in the wind._

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Seungmin I- uhm… no,” Jeongin mumbled to himself as he walked up the stairs towards Seungmin’s apartment. He wasn’t sure how to tell Seungmin. “I can’t just say… hi Seungmin I’m half fish…” he whispered but then shook his head. No, that sounded stupid. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

He finally reached Seungmin’s door and he just… stared. His heart was hammering in his ribcage and his palms were sweaty. He wasn’t sure what he was the most nervous about, confessing or the half-fish part.

After standing outside Seungmin’s door for almost five minutes, he took a deep breath and knocked. He could hear footsteps, soft and shuffling feet moving towards the door. His heart was picking up speed and Jeongin swore he was going to get a heart attack.

“Jeongin!” Seungmin said excitingly as the door opened carefully. He was wearing a big sweater, the sleeves going past his hands and when Jeongin looked down, he saw the fuzzy pair of socks Seungmin was wearing. He looked really cute. Jeongin swallowed hard. “Are you okay?” Seungmin asked, brows furrowing in concern.

“Y-yeah,” Jeongin stuttered, cursing himself for stuttering. “I’m… uh…” he trailed off and Seungmin looked at him with a curious gaze. “I need to talk to you.”

“Oh,” Seungmin said softly, a confused look on his face and Jeongin felt bad, his stomach twisted. “Uhm… okay, just come in,” he said, stepping to the side to let Jeongin enter. Jeongin quickly took off his shoes and looked down. They stood there in the hall, awkwardly.

“Can we uh…” Jeongin trailed off, rubbing his neck. “Maybe we can go to the living room?” he asked, tugging at his sleeve nervously.

“S-sure,” Seungmin stuttered, quickly leading Jeongin to the living room. He was watching Jeongin with intent as he sat down. He looked really nervous, scanning Jeongin as if he was looking for an answer. “W-what did you want to talk about?”

“I…” Jeongin inhaled. He was going to say it. He was going to be honest. “I like you Seungmin.”

“Oh,” Seungmin breathed, his lips shaped like an ‘o’ and he looked so damn cute Jeongin just wanted to kiss him there and then. But he had to continue. “Jeongin I-”

“I don’t know if you feel the same but uhm… while I’m being honest and open I just…” he nervously scratched his arm, feeling the fabric of his hoodie brushing against the scales on his forearms. “I’m a… merboy.”

He took a moment to just watch Seungmin’s reaction. Seungmin went from looking cute and confused to wide eyed and his jaw slack as he stared at Jeongin.

“So you-”

“I’m half fish usually and I just… i wanted to be honest with you because I don’t want to keep you in the dark anymore. I like you a lot but I am a merboy and the ocean is my home and I-I think you’re great and I understand if you don’t like me or find me gross or-”

“Jeongin,” Seungmin cut him off, his voice so soft and fond it hurt Jeongin. “You’re rambling,” he said and Jeongin lowered his head. “Half of what you just said didn’t make any sense.”

“Sorry,” Jeongin whispered, looking down on his hands that were resting in his lap. “I’m sorry.”

“First,” Seungmin began, reaching out to take one of Jeongin’s hands, lacing their fingers together. “I like you too.”

Jeongin snapped his head up, his heart racing in his chest as he stared at Seungmin with wide eyes. “Y-you-”

“Like like you, yes,” Seungmin confirmed and Jeongin felt like he was about to burst with emotions. But he held it, biting his lip. “And uhm… about the… merboy thing…” Jeongin inhaled sharply and Seungmin immediately held up his free hand. “Don’t panic, please don’t.”

“What about… the merboy thing?” Jeongin asked in a small voice and Seungmin gave his hand a little squeeze.

“I’m… a merboy too,” Seungmin finally said and Jeongin widened his eyes. What? What the what? He had seen Seungmin in t-shirts. Seungmin had no scales. His eyes were completely human. Jeongin narrowed his eyes, trying to get a good look of Seungmin’s eyes.

“You don’t… what?”

“And I… I had a feeling you were from the sea,” Seungmin added sheepishly, rubbing his neck.

“What?”

“Yeah you…” he trailed off, thinking for a moment. “You just seem so fascinated and confused by human things, you didn’t own a jacket, you always showed up in the same clothes from the beginning, and I saw your scales the first time you entered.”

Dammit. Had he been that careless?

“I thought I’d just imagined it. I was pretty sure that merfolk just didn’t like this beach area, I never saw anyone around and I couldn’t manage to find any secret pools or so,” Seungmin said, shrugging and Jeongin just continued to stare at him. “I don’t go to the water very often anymore because salt water isn’t… really my thing.”

Oh. “You’re a freshwater merboy,” Jeongin stated and Seungmin just nodded, small smile on his lips. That suddenly explained everything. “That’s why… you don’t have any scales or bright eyes.”

“Yeah,” Seungmin said softly, brushing his thumb over Jeongin’s knuckles. “I have some scales as a merboy but… none as a human, no.”

“I have a lot,” Jeongin said, huffing and Seungmin just laughed, amused. “I mean not as much as Hyunjin in his merboy form but I think I have the most among me and my brothers and-” Jeongin rambled but Seungmin cut him off.

“Wait,” he said, holding up his free hand again. “Hyunjin is a merboy too?”

“Yeah?” Jeongin tilted his head. “His eyes are green. I have brown eyes, so if anything Hyunjin should be easy to pin down as a merboy!” he whined and Seungmin chuckled.

“I guess I just got used to it and didn’t question it,” Seungmin said and Jeongin huffed. “But uhm… about the… the other thing…”

“Y-you liked me too, right?” Jeongin asked, suddenly feeling nervous again. Seungmin licked his lips, his adams apple bobbing as he swallowed.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked and Jeongin’s heart did three backflips and a somersault.

“Yes,” Jeongin breathed and Seungmin let out a small, nervous giggle before pressing his lips against Jeongin’s. Jeongin hadn’t kissed anyone before and he had only seen a few couples kissing in movies. He didn’t know what to do, at all. He was tense, but as Seungmin placed a hand on his chin and moved his lips softly against Jeongin’s, Jeongin began to relax a little.

“You good?” Seungmin asked, resting his forehead against Jeongin’s and Jeongin just nodded.

“I… that was my first kiss,” Jeongin whispered and Seungmin smiled softly, pressing another kiss on his lips. This one was short and so quick. “It was nice.”

“Can I kiss you again?” Seungmin asked and Jeongin let out a shaking breath, placing a hand on the back of Seungmin’s head, pulling him closer to kiss him again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_My home,_

_your home._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“So wait,” Minho said, holding up his hands as he frowned at Jeongin. They were all by Minho’s cliff, Jeongin and Minho sitting on top of the smooth rock while Felix was hanging off the side, resting his elbows on the edge. “Seungmin, the ‘human’,” he did the air quotation marks, “who works with Jinnie is actually a merboy too?”

“Yeah,” Jeongin said, sheepishly rubbing his nape.

“And you kissed?” Minho asked, narrowing his eyes and Jeongin swallowed before nodding slowly. He barely had any time to react as Minho squished his cheeks between his hands. “My baby had his first kiss!” he said dramatically and Jeongin could hear Felix laugh.

“Stop,” Jeongin begged as Minho still held his cheeks in a tight grip. “It wasn’t… anything big.”

“Wasn’t anything big?” Minho asked, raising his voice and Jeongin could see Felix roll his eyes. “You had your first kiss!” Minho said, his voice shrill and Jeongin winced.

“It was… just a kiss?” Jeongin said carefully as Minho let go of his cheeks and threw his hands in the air. “It was nice?”

“I bet it was,” Minho commented and Jeongin’s cheeks heated up. “But you had your first kiss!”

“Yeah s-” Jeongin was cut off as Chan entered the room. Oh boy.

“What’s going on?” Chan asked as Minho just threw himself dramatically around Chan’s neck. Jeongin couldn’t help but roll his eyes. Minho was such a drama queen.

“Jeongin had his first kiss!” Minho wailed and Jeongin had the urge to snort. So he held it in. Almost. “I haven’t even properly talked to this Seungmin guy! He’s sweeping my baby off his feet and I don’t know anything about him.”

“I’m sure Seungmin is very nice,” Chan said, patting Minho’s head. “But congratulations Jeongin. I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you,” Jeongin said, trying to push away the embarrassment and not let it show. Chan just grinned, ruffling Jeongin’s hair.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Our home,_

_sweet home._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m… I’m nervous,” Seungmin said as he held onto Jeongin’s hand tightly. They were walking towards the house and Jeongin could see how nervous he actually was.

“It’s going to be fine,” he assured, but Seungmin didn’t look convinced. “My brothers are really nice, I promise.”

“I-I believe you but…” he trailed off, licking his lips. “What if they don’t like me?”

“They’re gonna love you,” Jeongin said and Seungmin just looked at him. “They’re really nice and just want me to be happy… and you make me happy so…”

A pink dusted Seungmin’s cheeks and Jeongin felt so embarrassed. That had been maybe a bit too cheesy. “That’s… that’s cute,” Seungmin finally said and Jeongin let out a small, embarrassed laugh.

“Come on,” Jeongin said, opening the door and pulled Seungmin inside. His heart was beating hard in his chest, nervous about how his family would receive Seungmin. “Hello?” he called out carefully, letting go of Seungmin’s hand for a second to take off his shoes before lacing their fingers together again.

“Oh Jeongin!” Jisung was the first one to greet them, seemingly just passing by the hall on his way somewhere. “Hello! You must be Jeongin’s boy-partner?” Jisung said, stumbling over his words and Jeongin held back a snort. “I’m Jisung, Felix’s… um… boyfriend.”

“I’m Seungmin,” Seungmin said softly, shaking Jisung’s hand. “Jeongin’s boy-partner, yes,” he continued and Jisung snorted, dropping his head before looking up, wide smile on his lips.

“I was going to say boyfriend but I remembered you’re a merboy too and I thought I would say partner,” Jisung said and Seungmin chuckled. Jeongin immediately felt more relaxed. This was going well, so far.

“That’s really nice of you Jisung,” Seungmin said.

“Sure, sure,” Jisung said, shrugging. “The rest are in the living room.”

“Ah, thanks,” Jeongin said and Jisung nodded.

“Do you want anything? Water? Tea?” he asked but both Jeongin and Seungmin shook their head. Jisung just shrugged. “Alright, I’ll be back,” he continued, proceeding to leave the room, heading towards the kitchen.

“He’s nice,” Seungmin said quietly and Jeongin nodded. They moved from the entrance towards the living room and Jeongin’s stomach twisted nervously again. He knew they wouldn’t react… badly to Seungmin, but he wasn’t sure how embarrassing his brothers would be.

“Hello,” he said quietly as they entered the living room. Minho was curled up against Chan on the couch, Hyunjin was apparently staying over and had draped himself over Changbin in the arm chair and Felix was, for some reason, laying on his back on the floor.

“Oh Jeongin!” Chan said, wide smile on his face. “And Seungmin I assume?”

“Y-yeah,” Seungmin stuttered, tightening his grip of Jeongin’s hand. “Hi. Nice to meet you,” he said timidly, offering everyone in the room a small smile. Felix bolted up, wobbling for a second before scurrying over to greet Seungmin.

“Hi Seungmin!” he was almost bouncing and Seungmin glanced over at Jeongin. “I’m Felix! It’s really nice to meet you!”

“Hello Felix,” Seungmin said, holding out a hand to shake it but Felix just hugged him closely. “Oh.”

“You’re cute,” Felix said as Jisung got back to the living room. Jeongin could see Seungmin’s ear turning pink, he squeezed Seungmin’s hand and Seungmin shifted to look at him. “I see why Jeongin fell for you.”

Now it was Jeongin’s turn to blush and he cleared his throat, very embarrassed.

“Be nice Felix,” Jisung said, pulling Felix away from them as Chan walked up, holding out his hand.

“Hi Seungmin,” Chan said, shaking Seungmin’s free hand. “I’m Chan, Jeonginnie’s in-law.”

“Oh,” Seungmin said softly and Jeongin looked between the two. He had no idea what in-law meant but he just shrugged it off. It was some weird human word and Jeongin wasn’t going to bother right now.

As Chan moved back towards the couch, Jeongin caught Seungmin and Changbin locking eyes and giving each other a nod. Seungmin had at some point mentioned that he’d met Changbin and briefly talked with him before.

“Seungmin,” Minho said and the gnawing nervousness in Jeongin’s stomach was back. Minho’s eyes were serious as he looked Seungmin over.

“Uhm…” Seungmin said, eyes shifting between Minho and Jeongin. “Y-you must be Minho.”

“Yes,” Minho said, tone flat as he continued to study Seungmin. His eyes fell on their hands and then he looked over at Jeongin. Meanwhile, Jeongin’s heart was hammering in his chest. He had no idea what Minho was going to say or do. At last Minho broke into a wide smile and the nervousness faded slightly. “It’s really nice to finally meet you.”

Seungmin blinked, not saying anything.

“I’m… I just…” Minho sighed, running a hand through his hair and Jeongin frowned. “Thank you Seungmin. For being there for Jeongin when I wasn’t.”

“Oh,” Seungmin said before breaking out into a wide smile. “No need to thank me. It was… my pleasure.” Jeongin coughed in embarrassment and lowered his head. Seungmin giggled, squeezing Jeongin’s hand gently.

“I’m glad he found you,” Minho said, giving Seungmin a soft pat on the shoulder. “We’re going to watch a movie, wanna join?”

“Sure,” Seungmin said and Jeongin nodded in agreement. Minho smiled at them again before he turned around to go back to the couch. He and Chan moved over, giving Seungmin and Jeongin some space to sit. Jeongin gave Seungmin a glance and wide smile before tugging him towards the couch to join the others.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Love me_

_and give me life._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They had waited for the water to get a bit warmer before they decided to actually… go swimming. Jeongin was nervous, his stomach just swirling and making him a bit queasy. He hadn’t been able to eat anything during the whole day, even though Seungmin had a shift until three in the afternoon. He didn’t know what to do that day and for once he was _really_ thankful for his brothers being off with their partners or whatever.

He sighed, leaning back against the edge of the pool as he stared up at the blue sky. Hyunjin had told him about the secluded pool and how they would get some privacy here, both from humans and merfolks and quite frankly, Jeongin wanted nothing but privacy in this moment. He had considered meeting up with Seungmin on the northern beach but… it would be too open. Even if humans didn’t go there often, merfolks did and the thought of anyone from his colony just bursting into the scene wasn’t very appealing to him.

He stared down at his fins, flaring them out as much as possible and displaying his full round tail. He did have some branching on the rays of his fin, but not nearly as much as Minho. Minho’s tail was very dramatic and extravagant, and the pearl white scales with that hue of pink to them only added to it. Jeongin’s tail was aqua blue, fading over to a soft orange and ending in light pink on the tip of his fins. He was proud of it, but in the light of his two brothers, he felt like he sometimes just… ended up in the shadow.

A little nudge brought him out of his own thoughts and he looked up to see Coral, Reef, Buster, Dottie and Spec all swimming around in the pool. Oh for the love of god. He groaned, straightening his back before rolling over to his stomach so he could face them.

“Who told you?” he demanded as he dove under the surface. This particular spot in the pool wasn’t large enough for him to swim upright in. It was a good sunspot and secluded area but not great if you needed space. Jeongin briefly wondered how Hyunjin even fit comfortably here, judging by the length of his tail.

Buster let out a little sound and a blub and Jeongin rolled his eyes. “Someone must have told you. Or did you follow me?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at the bunch of clownfish in front of him. All of them turned away, swimming around mindlessly and he jokingly poked at Coral, making her let out a surprised blub. “So you did follow me?” he asked but none of them reacted. “Why? Didn’t I tell you I wasn’t gonna play today?”

All of them ignored that question and Reef started making a bunch of sounds. Jeongin could feel his face heat up. They _knew_.

“N-no it’s not a date,” he stuttered, shooing Dottie away but the fish just did a little flip in the water as the others joined the teasing. “Nooooo!” Jeongin whined, pushing them all away as they tried to rub up against him. “Stoooop please!”

They eventually stopped their teasing and Jeongin returned to rest his head against the edge of the pool, were the floor of the pool was slowly rising up, and not the sharp edge further out, closer to the ocean.

All five of the fish were rubbing against his tail and Jeongin playfully flared his fins every now and then, entertaining them.

“Jeongin?” Seungmin suddenly called out and Jeongin jumping in surprise, scaring the fish in the process. They all darted to the side of the pool, seeking whatever small coverage they could get. “Are you here?” he asked, peeking out behind the rocks.

“Yeah,” Jeongin said, as stable as he could. The nervousness was back, swirling in his stomach and making him sick. “How… how was work?” he asked as Seungmin approached, shrugging off his bag and setting it down on the ground.

“Uneventful,” Seungmin said, hint of nervousness in his voice and Jeongin bit his lip. “Uhm…” Seungmin began, hands tugging nervously at the hem of his shirt as his eyes fell on Jeongin’s tail. He didn’t say anything, he just remained silent as he stared. Jeongin curled up a little, pulling his tailfin together. “Wow,” Seungmin finally breathed and Jeongin blinked. Seungmin looked up from his tail to look directly at Jeongin. “You’re gorgeous.”

Jeongin covered his face, embarrassed and he could just feel it burning. “Thank you,” he mumbled behind his hands. As he removed them, he glanced around the pool quickly to see the clownfish begin to move out of their hiding spots. Coral let out a little sound and Jeongin’s face flushed even brighter. “Shut up,” he hissed, shooing them away. “Leave.”

“Oh,” Seungmin said softly, crouching down by the edge of the pool. Jeongin could see the blush on his cheeks. “Your friends?” he asked and Jeongin hummed as the five fish swam around. “What are they saying?”

“Just a bunch of nonsense,” Jeongin said and Buster gave a little annoyed splash. “Yeah yeah, just get out,” he fired back and with a blub, Buster led the other one out of the pool. “I’m so sorry for them, they weren’t supposed to join and-”

“It’s fine,” Seungmin said, cutting Jeongin off. “Don’t… don’t worry.”

“Uhm…” Jeongin said dumbly and Seungmin scratched the back of his head. Jeongin glanced down on his tail and then over at Seungmin, expectantly.

“Do you…” Seungmin began but trailed off, his voice wavering. “Do you think you can look away? While I… uh… get undressed and uhm, yeah.” He flushed even brighter red and Jeongin blinked, not really understanding what he meant. Then it hit him and he just nodded. Humans were weird about being naked and bare and Hyunjin was the same… and now Seungmin. Maybe humans rubbed off their weirdness.

“Uh.. sure,” Jeongin said as he turned away from Seungmin, staring at a cliff wall instead. He could hear the rustle of clothes and then a gentle splash. He was curious, itching to see what Seungmin actually looked like. Minho had told him about the freshwater merfolks and how they could look extremely different as humans, because of how good their magic was.

“You…” Seungmin began, snapping Jeongin out of his own thoughts. “You can turn around.” He sounded nervous, his voice still wavering and trembling. Jeongin took a deep breath, trying to calm his own nerves as he turned around.

Jeongin almost lost his breath.

Seungmin’s tail was black, scales gleaming softly in the sunlight, with patches of bright orange all over. The tailfin was round, simple with no excessive branching of rays. Jeongin inched closer, not saying a word. He kept studying Seungmin, trying to spot any patches of scales on his skin. He could see a few black and orange scales on his hands and upper arms, but nothing more. As he got close enough and locked eyes with Seungmin, he truly lost his breath.

Seungmin’s eyes was a gradient mix of silver and gold, silver at the bottom and slowly becoming gold at the top. But he also had these small black spots in his eyes, all around the iris. It was stunning.

“Uhm…” Seungmin said and Jeongin blinked. “It’s not as pretty as yours but uh…” He scratched his head, embarrassed.

“It’s… it’s stunning,” Jeongin breathed before even thinking, hiding his face in embarrassment as soon as the words slipped past his lips. Seungmin let out a small, embarrassed laugh. “I really want to kiss you,” Jeongin said, hands still covering his face. He could hear Seungmin inhale sharply before hands wrapped around his wrists.

Seungmin gently pulled Jeongin’s hands away from his face. Jeongin looked up from the surface of the water and right into Seungmin’s eyes. Seungmin let go of Jeongin’s wrists, cupping his cheeks with both hands and gently pulled him in for a kiss. At first, Jeongin’s body froze, but he quickly just melted against Seungmin, placing a hand on the back of Seungmin’s head, pulling him a little bit closer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_This is my dream,_

_I dreamt it._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jeongin was curled up against Seungmin, their tails touching and swaying lazily in the water. They were both leaning against a rock, the surface still warm from the sun. The sun was setting, the sky turning a beautiful mix of yellow, gold, pink and purple.

“It looks like your tail,” Seungmin mused, gently threading his fingers through Jeongin’s dark hair. Jeongin flushed, averting his eyes as his heart flipped in his chest. He was never going to get used to all the compliments.

“It’s beautiful,” Chan said and Jeongin looked to his side. They had all left the house to just sit on the beach to watch the sunset. Chan and Minho was sitting closest to Seungmin and Jeongin, Minho being partly submerged in water with his pearly white tail moving gently with the water. Further up the beach was Hyunjin and Changbin. Hyunjin was sitting between Changbin’s legs, leaning back against him and Changbin had his arms wrapped around Hyunjin’s waist. Jeongin moved his eyes to look at Jisung and Felix. They were sitting beside each other, holding hands as Felix rested his head on Jisung’s shoulder. As the sun was setting, Jeongin could see the glow from Felix’s eyes getting brighter and brighter.

“It really is,” Minho agreed softly and Jeongin looked back at his brother. So much had happened the last year and there was so much to come in the future. His brothers had both found someone, someone important to them, someone who had opened a new world for them. Glancing back to Seungmin, Jeongin’s stomach swooped. _He_ had found someone. They had talked about it, if they wanted to remain on land or go back to the sea and they had decided to migrate to a warmer place the coming winter but for now, they would remain here, at home.

Jeongin gently took Seungmin’s hand and brought it up to his lips, pressing a soft kiss on the scales on the top of Seungmin’s hand. Seungmin looked down at him and Jeongin glanced up at him through his eyelashes. They didn’t say anything.

Seungmin placed a hand on Jeongin’s chin, gently tilting his head up as he leaned down to kiss him. It sent of fireworks inside Jeongin and he placed a hand on the back of Seungmin’s head, kissing him back.

To Jeongin, Seungmin was like the sun reflecting in the water. Sparkling, shining, shimmering. So bright and so beautiful. As they parted, both of them giggled, staring into each other’s eyes. Seungmin pressed a quick kiss on Jeongin’s nose before looking back over the ocean. Jeongin’s eyes lingered on Seungmin for a moment before looking at the sunset, his body vibrating with happiness.

Jeongin didn’t know what the future held for them, but he was excited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I got so excited about posting I forgot to do the notes here. Whoops.
> 
> Big thank you to everyone who has been participating in this journey. I will do a longer and better ending notes when I post the EPILOGUE to Storm and Stars. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, you can find me on twt @ pinkpunchmango if you wanna talk or ask anything uwu <3


	5. Epilogue: translucent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> translucent. adj.  
> 1\. permitting light to pass through but diffusing it so that persons, objects, etc., on the opposite side are not clearly visible.  
> 2\. easily understandable.  
> 3\. clear; transparent.

“Calm down,” Jeongin said, correcting Jisung’s bowtie for him. “You look great, but you need to calm down. You look like you’re about to start crying at any moment now.”

“I’m not,” Jisung denied but Jeongin just snickered.

“Sure,” Jeongin said, rolling his eyes playfully. Had Jisung not been so nervous he was about to explode, he’d reached out to pinch Jeongin’s cheek but right now he was so nervous he didn’t know what to do with himself.

“You know, we really appreciate that you and Seungmin actually came back for this,” he said, trying to take his mind off things. “It means a lot to both of us.”

“You’re family,” Jeongin said, taking a step back and leaned against the wall. Jisung took the moment to look Jeongin over. He was dressed in blue jeans and a soft pastel blue button up, top buttons open and Jisung could see the blue scales peeking out. Jeongin had grown a lot since Jisung last saw him, about three years ago when he and Seungmin had visited for Christmas. He had lost most of the baby fat on his cheeks, he was taller and leaner. Seungmin and Jeongin had taken to the ocean, traveling with the currents and mostly just sent postcards back to them, telling them about their travels. “You’re our home. You’re always going to be that.”

That warmed Jisung’s heart and he smiled. “I’m… I’m glad.”

“I’m glad you found your way to our weird little family,” Jeongin said, patting Jisung on the shoulder. “I’m glad to have you as my in-law.”

“Oh god,” Jisung said, reality setting in. “It’s really happening, isn’t it?”

“Yeah it really is,” Jeongin grinned. “Now, I think I should go and check on Felix before it starts.”

Jisung nodded, not saying anything until Jeongin reached the door. “Hey Jeongin?” Jeongin hummed and turned around, an eyebrow raised. “Tell him… tell him I love him, okay?”

“I will,” Jeongin said, still grinning as he closed the door and left Jisung alone with his thoughts.

Jisung’s heart was hammering in his chest, his palms sweaty as he stared at himself in the mirror. They had said no suits and in this very moment, he was thankful for only wearing the simple button up and the pale blue jeans. He could see his newest tattoo, the colorful coral reef piece on his neck, peeking out of the collar of the shirt. He released a shaky breath.

God he was nervous.

He ran a hand through his hair, messing up the neatly styled locks, which would probably cause Minho to scold him later. He had dyed it back to black, as Felix preferred him to keep it natural. That was the feeling they were going for, natural, calm and laid back.

He swallowed hard, adjusting the bowtie around his neck again as he looked himself in the mirror. “You can do this, Han Jisung,” he said to his own reflection, his voice trembling. “You can do i-”

“Are you okay?” Changbin asked as he entered the room, dressed in a pastel green shirt and blue jeans and Jisung could feel tears building up in his eyes. It was starting to feel so real. “Oh god, Sungie,” Changbin cooed and opened his arms, hugging Jisung closely. “You don’t need to cry. We’re supposed to be happy today.”

“I’m not crying,” Jisung said, opening his eyes wide and tried to calm himself. He wasn’t going to cry today. Changbin hummed, gently patting Jisung on the head. “I’m not.”

“It’s emotional for all of us,” Changbin said softly and Jisung hummed. “It’s going to be great. You’re going to love Jinnie’s outfit, it’s really cute.”

“I can imagine,” Jisung said, smiling widely. “How are… you?”

“I’m good,” Changbin said, petting Jisung’s head softly. “We’re moving back here, so I’m pleased,” he said and Jisung hummed. Changbin and Hyunjin had taken on the world as well, but instead of traveling the ocean, they’d traveled around on land, moving places and discovering new things. Hyunjin had said something about not being tied down to the duty of being in charge of colony funds and housing anymore. So, four years ago, they’d packed their things and left to see the world. It wasn’t really affecting Changbin, Chan and Jisung’s careers, as they could still record and mix their music apart.

But it seemed like the call of this place was too strong for anyone to resist. They all came back, eventually.

“I… I asked Hyunjin to marry me,” Changbin said and Jisung blinked. Changbin let out a small, nervous little laugh before smiling widely. “He said yes.”

“That’s great!” Jisung said.

“I know it’s your day but I didn’t get a chance to tell you before and-”

“Shut it,” Jisung said, playfully and softly slapping Changbin on the cheek. “It’s okay, I don’t mind. I’m just glad you told me!”

“We’ll talk wedding details later,” Changbin said, continuing to pet Jisung’s hair. “Now, let’s just focus on your day.”

Jisung nodded, opening his mouth to say something just as the door creaked open. He looked over, expecting it to be Chan who would just tell him he needed to calm down. He wasn’t expecting Minho to enter.

“I’ll see you later Jisung,” Changbin said, patting Jisung on the cheek and giving him a hug. “I’m so happy for you,” he continued before leaving the room. Jisung looked over at Minho.

Minho was wearing a pink button up with blue jeans and his dyed brown hair effortlessly brushed to the side. He and Chan hadn’t bothered styling their hair or going overboard with their outfits for the event and Jisung couldn’t blame them. As soon as Minho laid eyes on Jisung, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“You messed up your hair,” Minho said, approaching Jisung who just smiled sheepishly at him. “It’s okay,” he said softly, gently brushing his fingers over Jisung’s hair, getting it back to how it was originally styled. “I can’t believe you talked him into something this human,” Minho said, no bite in his voice and Jisung could see the fondness in his eyes.

“In my defense,” Jisung began and Minho rolled playfully. “He was the one who asked me.”

“Yeah he told me,” Minho said, adjusting Jisung’s bowtie. “He’s very… excited about this.”

Jisung laughed. He could only imagine it. It was a shame he and Felix weren’t allowed to see each other before the whole ordeal. Chan had argued that some traditions should be kept, ignoring Jisung’s argument that it didn’t matter, they were gay! In the end, Chan had won.

Just as Jisung was about to say something, the door opened and a child’s footsteps pitter pattered on the floorboards.

“Uncle!” Woojin exclaimed, latching himself on Jisung’s leg. Jisung grinned, crouching down and Woojin hugged him tightly.

“Hey kiddo,” Jisung said, picking up Woojin as he stood up again. Woojin was wearing a pink button up and blue jeans, matching with Minho, and a little beret on his head. “Oh you’re looking good,” he continued and Woojin giggled, hiding his face in Jisung’s neck. “Did your dad dress you?”

“Daddy did,” Woojin said, his small hands grabbing onto Jisung’s shirt.

“So that’s why you’re matching,” Jisung said, looking over at Minho who just shrugged, grin on his face.

“Chan is matching with us too,” he said, moving a little so he could see Woojin’s face. “Did you just run away from dad?” he asked and Woojin giggled.

“I give him a minute,” Jisung said and less than 20 seconds later, Chan walked through the door. He was wearing a pink button up and blue jeans, just like Minho. His hair was, per usual, messy and he still looked permanently tired. In fact, the permanently tired look was sported by Minho as well. Jisung smiled as he bounced Woojin in his arms. The life of a parent.

“There you are you little gremlin,” Chan cooed and Woojin just giggled again. “Hey,” Chan said to Minho, pressing a quick kiss on his cheek.

“Wanted to see uncle,” he said, his face still smushed against Jisung’s neck and Jisung felt his heart swell.

“How are you feeling?” Chan asked, looking away from Woojin and up at Jisung.

“I-“ Jisung sighed as the nervousness made itself known again. “I’m really nervous,” he said, taking a deep breath.

Woojin moved, looking up at Jisung with wide eyes and blinked. Jisung looked down at him and smiled as Woojin studied his face.

“Why are you nervous?” Woojin asked, his small brows furrowed.

“Um… well,” Jisung said, unsure of how to describe it. Chan chuckled, reaching out to take Woojin from Jisung. As he did, the light reflected on the silver band around his ring finger. Jisung’s stomach did the swooping thing.

“Uncle is getting married,” Chan said as he settled Woojin on his hip.

“What’s that?”

“When two people love each other very much,” Chan began, stroking Woojin’s cheek, “they get married to promise each other to love each other for the rest of your life.” Woojin blinked, his lips shaped like an ‘o’.

“Like you and daddy?” he asked after a moment and Chan smiled.

“Yeah,” Chan said softly before looking back at Jisung. “It’s going to be fine,” he said, hugging Jisung with his one free arm.

“It’s gonna be fine,” Woojin echoed, patting Jisung on the cheek.

“Yeah,” Jisung hummed as Chan let go of him, offering Chan a small smile. “I’m just very… excited.”

Chan was silent for a moment, just smiling at Jisung before opening his mouth. “I’m proud of you.”

Jisung froze for a second, eyes wide and his heart squeezed.

“And I’m…” Chan trailed off, placing a hand on Jisung’s cheek. “I’m happy you got lost in that cave.”

Jisung snorted but smiled at Chan. “I’m… I’m really happy I did too.” Chan looked over at Minho and was about to say something but the door opened and one of the wedding planners peeked her head inside.

“We’re about to start, I need you to leave the groom to go and sit down,” she said, smiling widely and Chan nodded.

“Good luck Jisungie,” Chan said and Woojin reached out for Jisung.

“Good luck uncle,” he said, giving Jisung a hug.

“See you later kiddo,” Jisung said, patting Woojin on the cheek. “Be nice to your parents.”

“He always is,” Minho said, hooking his arm with Chan. “Good luck Jisung. I’m so happy for you and Felix.”

“Thank you Minho,” Jisung said as they left the room, leaving Jisung alone with the wedding planner and his own thoughts.

“You ready?” she asked, smile on her lips and Jisung nodded stiffly, exhaling shakily. “It’s going to be just fine.”

“I’m scared,” Jisung admitted after a second. She just reached up to pat his shoulder.

“I talked to Felix earlier,” she said. “He loves you very much.”

“I love him too,” Jisung whispered.

“You’re getting married because you love each other very much.”

“Yeah,” Jisung said, smiling. His heart felt a lot lighter now. “I’m… I’m ready.”

“Great,” the wedding planner said. “Let’s go then.”

Jisung took a deep breath before he exited the dressing room and the house. They had decided on an outside wedding on the beach, close to the ocean.

“Jisung?” Felix asked and Jisung turned around. Felix was dressed similar to Jisung, blue jeans and a white button up. His hair was brushed to the side, effortlessly and bright, golden blond. His freckles weren’t glowing because of the bright sunlight. He wasn’t literally emitting any light, but he was figuratively glowing. He as smiling, bright like the sun.

“Felix,” Jisung breathed as Felix gently took his hand. “You’re beautiful.”

“You’re beautiful,” Felix said, stroking his hand over Jisung’s hair. “I’m so excited to…” he trailed off and smiled softly. “I’m excited to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“I am too,” Jisung whispered, leaning his forehead against Felix’s. “Are you ready?”

“Yes,” Felix whispered. Jisung gave him a wide smile and they began to walk towards the aisle where their ceremony would take place. As they reached the beginning of the chairs, music began to play and everyone in the audience stood up.

They walked down the aisle, slowly, and as they did, Jisung just looked at the audience. He met Hyunjin’s eyes. Hyunjin was dressed in a blue button up, open at the top and his black hair just swept to the side. Changbin was standing right beside him, leaning his head on Hyunjin’s shoulder and Hyunjin’s arm around him. They looked happy and smiled back at Jisung.

He met the eyes of Jeongin. His heart swelled. Seungmin had his arms hooked with Jeongin, his button up matching Jeongin’s. They were smiling, radiating happiness.

They walked past Chan and Minho. Woojin was sitting in Chan’s lap, waving eagerly at Jisung. Jisung waved back with his free hand and Woojin grinned widely, displaying the few missing teeth.

When they reached the end and the priest, Jisung looked over at Felix and took his other hand. The priest started talking but Jisung just had eyes for Felix. He stared at Felix, taking everything in and going through every memory he had with Felix. The moment they met, when they kissed, when they got engaged.

“Do you, Felix, take Jisung to be your lawfully wedded husband?” the priest asked, snapping Jisung out of his own thoughts.

“I do,” Felix asked, his eyes gleaming slightly as he did. Jisung’s heart was beating wildly in his chest.

The priest turned to Jisung. “Do you, Jisung, take Felix to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

Jisung inhaled. “I do,” he replied and he smiled as he heard Woojin cheering from the audience. Felix broke out into a wide smile, shining so brightly.

“You may now kiss,” the priest said and Jisung squeezed Felix’s hands tightly.

“What do…” Felix trailed off, warm smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “What do they say in the fairy tales? In the end?”

Jisung smiled, blinking away tears. Felix loved fairy tales and through the years, they had been reading a lot of stories together. He leaned a bit closer, his forehead pressing against Felix’s.

“And then they lived happily ever after,” he said, pressing his lips against Felix’s. Cheers erupted from the audience and a firework set of in Jisung’s chest.

Here he was, surrounded by loved ones and now married to the love of his life. He was happy.

 

 

 

 

 

_Let them kiss my face_

_And hear me._

_I am the last word._

 

_And I tell the story_

_Of where the storm and stars came from._

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy. This was a ride, wasn’t it? I started writing this the 9th of june and had initially thought to just make it a drabble. But it really turned into something big. Merboys, what I’ve been calling it, has for me been a process. It has helped me processing things and I think I have improved in my writing too, I hope. I also broke the T tab of my computer so I need to get a new one soon heh. I hope this is worth breaking my computer for uwu
> 
> A big thanks to everyone who has been with me on this journey, from to start to finish. 
> 
> Every comment, every kudos has mattered. It made me feel like people liked what I was doing and I saw a point in continuing. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who reads this after I finished it up. I hope you all like it too. 
> 
> Please leave comments with your thoughts, I’d love to read them. If you want to find me, I’m Pinkpunchmango at twitter. 
> 
>  
> 
> Special thanks to:
> 
> Karen, my lovely beta who stuck with me since I asked her to beta a 15k piece but she ended up sticking with me through this 70+k monster. Thank you.
> 
> Isa, who has been the one I’ve plotted most of this fic, who has given me ideas and inputs through this whole process. Thank you.
> 
> Vibeke, who doesn’t even stan stray kids but still took time to read it through to help me with the story flow and helping me when I got stuck. Thank you.
> 
> Werewolves not swearwolves, the gc where I’ve been screaming and complaining and where I received a huge amount of encouragement. Thank you. 
> 
> Everyone on twitter who has hyped me up and helped me when I’ve been struggling with the motivation. Thank you.
> 
> You who read this.
> 
> Thank you.


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